Was I a bad teen?

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PShermanWallaby

Policy Enforcement
Growing up was hard. My parents were constantly fighting, splitting, and getting back together. I was the youngest of three and it felt my parents didn’t want me or like I was just going to follow in my oldest siblings footsteps. They got bad into drugs and eventually went no contact with the family. My middle sibling always seemed like they never did any wrong. I remember my mom asking me why I couldn’t just be more like them. I don’t know why I couldn’t, I tried to be but I was so angry all the time.

Eventually I started smoking pot and drinking a little with my friends. They understood me, they helped me feel like I actually belonged somewhere. I hated home because I was constantly yelled at and they understood that.

Finally my parents kicked me out at fifteen to live with an uncle who beat me. I tried to tell them what was happening but they didn’t care because I deserved whatever I was getting. I ran away from there at sixteen and that’s when my mom sent me into a camp. I can’t talk about that year though. It’s too hard.

I know I wasn’t a perfect kid but did I really deserve to not be loved or wanted?
 

PShermanWallaby

Policy Enforcement
Of course not. No kid deserves not to be loved or wanted.

This was the failure of your parents - not you.

Thank you. There’s just so many thoughts running through my head all the time about it. Like if I was perfect, would I have been loved then? I was just doing the things my friends were doing. I just wanted to belong somewhere and be somebody.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
i'll second the notion that this was the failure of your parents and uncle. a teenager is still a child in need of guidance, love, tolerance and kindness. i am so sorry those elements were missing at such a critical time in your life

as for the thoughts running through your head about ^it^, i hope you can recognize this as a ptsd symptom and hope healing happens here.
 

EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
Your actions sound like RE-actions. I think that you weren’t a bad kid, you were just trying to find a way to cope. I have done things that I am not proud of, and when I can frame it in terms of it being a reaction to my trauma, it helps me to not beat myself up so much.
 

caroline_13

Confident
Growing up was hard. My parents were constantly fighting, splitting, and getting back together. I was the youngest of three and it felt my parents didn’t want me or like I was just going to follow in my oldest siblings footsteps. They got bad into drugs and eventually went no contact with the family. My middle sibling always seemed like they never did any wrong. I remember my mom asking me why I couldn’t just be more like them. I don’t know why I couldn’t, I tried to be but I was so angry all the time.

Eventually I started smoking pot and drinking a little with my friends. They understood me, they helped me feel like I actually belonged somewhere. I hated home because I was constantly yelled at and they understood that.

Finally my parents kicked me out at fifteen to live with an uncle who beat me. I tried to tell them what was happening but they didn’t care because I deserved whatever I was getting. I ran away from there at sixteen and that’s when my mom sent me into a camp. I can’t talk about that year though. It’s too hard.

I know I wasn’t a perfect kid but did I really deserve to not be loved or wanted?
Everyone deserves love, especially children.

You sound wonderful :)

As far as teen problems go, smoking pot and drinking a little are the kind you want to have.

Hope you have a great day!
 

ApetorsAngel.

Not Active
Growing up was hard. My parents were constantly fighting, splitting, and getting back together. I was the youngest of three and it felt my parents didn’t want me or like I was just going to follow in my oldest siblings footsteps. They got bad into drugs and eventually went no contact with the family. My middle sibling always seemed like they never did any wrong. I remember my mom asking me why I couldn’t just be more like them. I don’t know why I couldn’t, I tried to be but I was so angry all the time.

Eventually I started smoking pot and drinking a little with my friends. They understood me, they helped me feel like I actually belonged somewhere. I hated home because I was constantly yelled at and they understood that.

Finally my parents kicked me out at fifteen to live with an uncle who beat me. I tried to tell them what was happening but they didn’t care because I deserved whatever I was getting. I ran away from there at sixteen and that’s when my mom sent me into a camp. I can’t talk about that year though. It’s too hard.

I know I wasn’t a perfect kid but did I really deserve to not be loved or wanted?
You were not a bad kid or bad person.

It sounds like you’ve got placed into a situation that was not good.
Unfortunately that happens and you dealt with it the only way you could. The people who you depended on for security, by the sounds of it, were not able to provide that.

I was born into a very similar situation.

You deserve love, and all that most definitely.
You deserve a good life full of positivity.
I’m sorry you had to bare that.
 
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