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Was this a black out memory

Discussion in 'Sexual Assault' started by Into the void, May 7, 2018.

    I always try to pretend I’m ok constantly running away from the deep pain a reality of all the things that have happened to me. There has been many but the root of it all was up in lake George when I was 13. My moms sisters husband my uncle made me feel uncomfortable. I grew up with him around
    Most of my childhood years not giving a f*ck about me just being an idiot narcissist verbally berating my aunt who I love. I went on vacation with my
    Mom and brother feeling like I was still a kid but little did I know I had developed into a woman who was desirable to 40 year old men. The first day He started by playing footsie and rubbing his foot up my leg to my thigh. He started giving me massages as the breakfast table a little too close to my breasts. I stayed vigilant after that and the next day he said he was going to grocery shop with my mom and my aunt so I decided to stay home as to not be around him. He tricked me out. He ended up staying home and when I realized I ran . He chased me.
    Luckily his 5 year old daughter was in the loader upstairs so I ran to the latter and he grabbed my
    Legs and rubbed them and started to pull me down hankfully my cousin poped her head out of the loft and said “daddy what are you doing “ and he said I’m just tickling her. Anyways I thought that was the worst of it.

    I brought this up with my mom who I begged to leave and she said we had to stay so I asked her 15 years after why she stayed she said she didn’t like how he trapped me
    In the cabin . And I said what do you mean? She said he had you trapped in the cabin of the boat and was
    Terrorizing you. She said she was yelling at him to let me out and claims nothing probably happened in there but I don’t remember this. I remember being on the boat with him and I remember him staring right at my vagina cuz I was sitting with shorts on he was leering at my crotch but I don’t remember anything after that but my mom does. I do get flash backs to a cabin of a coat and I remember the lay out well but I always wrote it off as a dream. The fact that I remember all this trauma In vivid detail down to the thoughts I had as it was going on but don’t remember this cabin memory makes me feel like it was repressed and it’s f*cking up all my days . Is this a repressed memory? What the f*ck happened In there.
    Swift likes this.
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  2. Swift

    Swift Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're going through this.
    I'm not sure if it is or was a repressed memory.
    Just a caution against pushing too hard: if your brain is repressing it, it's probably repressing it for a reason.
    I learnt the hard way to be careful kicking down those closet doors, because the skeletons fight back.
    Wishing you peace and healing.
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