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Watching For Other Antagonizers

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willis williams

I was diagnosed with polycethemia about 3 1/2 months ago. This is a type of blood cancer where your bone marrow produces to many red cells and they may be immature and causes them not to carry oxygen, and causes clots. Since my first major hospitalization 5 weeks in V.A. P.T.S.D. unit and them saying I had a mini stroke, not being able to slow my heart rate below 105 a minute. This was 3 years ago. I have had three deep vein thrombosis, a massive seizure that caused me to fall a full story in my apartment braking my back at the T7, shattering my left arm which is now titanium, shattering my right frontal lobe giving me a TBI, also braking my maxillary and mandible of my jaw. Then add in the two polminary embolisms. The last embolism was double lung and they had to put screens in my main return veins by my kidneys. This was 2 months ago a good relax in the ICU. The moral I guess is that I just want veterans to know that the V.A. only focused on my P.T.S.D. which I have but the lack of oxygen to the brain and thick blood was increasing the difficulty in dealing with the P.T.S.D. . The V.A. just kept pushing pills at my P.T.S.D. and by luck a hemo/ oncology Dr. seen the polycethemia. So now I get to deal with a TBI, a really bad back with P.T.S.D. while having a blood disease. I hope that veterans learn from this not to just be pill experiments. I did and tried lots of different combos for P.T.S.D. since 1996 and it turned out that I never had a chance at really dealing with it because of something that was an antagonist. Just a bit of a whine about a bad last three years. Good luck to all of you in dealing with your P.T.S.D. . Always ask lots of questions don't let yourself fall through the cracks like I did.
Damn, Willis, sorry to hear of your serious problems. Hang tough as much as you can. I'm here to talk if you need to.

Hey Willis

Sorry to hear about your serious problems. Sadly, it's a cautionary tale in that you've got to constantly be checking your total health and not just accept a more simple diagnosis from the VA or any doctor. They, like many doctors see a problem, throw some pills at it and hope it will go away. It always seems to take a very smart doctor to realize that more is going on there that needs to be addressed.

You've been through the proverbial mill Brother. I hope you can heal a bit and that some of your life can return to some state of normalcy that you'll be able to both deal with and live with. My best hopes and prayers go out to you.

Thank brothers! I will be alright. The only thing I fight right now is that waking in the mourning is a disappointment. One of the causes of the poly is radiation in the last three years I have had 20 to 30 MRI's,cat scans with contrast, and many X-rays. Damn I wish they would have let me die in Somalia like a soldier not as their experiment. But just like being a sapper/airborn for the 24th infantry I will go out kicking and screaming so maybe even one other veteran doesn't have to go out like this. We need to go out proud and happy for what we gave our countries. My dad died last july from leukemia from agent orange he gave 28 1/2 years to the army and he never complained about what was killing him or were he got it so I am just going to have to buck up and realize giving your life is not always a bullet. I just hope other veterans read my post and don't go out like I am going..

There was a time when I felt the same way. Then I think about all the good that has come into my life since the war. I have much to be thankful for. And I shoulder my burden, same as you. Tho' I don't have systemic illnesses, the arthritis takes away mobility and gives back pain. But still I remain thankful.

Hang tough, Willis, there's a bunch of us pullin for ya.

Hey buddy, I have been in the middle of moving so just saw your post. Man you have been in the wars as my grandmother used to say and I am not referring to your time in Somalia either. How is your little man? He must be walking and running by now.
They are the reason we keep going sometimes.

Well I hope this next few months is better on you and when you are having a hard time, just think about your kids.
Hey Willis,

Man, I'm sorry to hear about all the crap you are going through. But, I'm glad to see you are still alive and kicking, its been a bit. Just so you know you are not alone, it took them a year to find the parasites that f*cked up my liver and six years later they're still 'practicing' medicine on me...
I thank all of you for your good words. I am trying to learn how to live with all of it together. It is hard because I am getting panic attacks from night terrors old ones I thought were gone and new ones for all the new shit. I still have something left but not a lot. Since last April when I had the fall and ended up with the TBI I have been in the V.A. way to much. They told me if I walked out the last time I would be dead within two days it took everything I had not to walk out. I had multiple pulmonary embolisms in both lungs and they said I would heart attack or stoke. My mother was there so I couldn't leave. I am just trying to make the best I can out of this. At least the V.A. is paying out the ass now for what they have done. My xceralto is $3000 a month not counting all the heart meds and others. Plus my disability. It is the only happy part even though I know it is really not hurting them. I think about my life and what is coming and have so many things that won't quit running through my mind. I was a sapper and never got a TBI but now that I got one I realize how much harder the veterans that have one have to work. Hell I have to really work at just remembering my meds and the xceralto has a black flag that if you miss you will stroke. Keeping up with my own health is more a job than when I used to work 12 to16 hrs. a day. Just whining had a really bad night.
Willis, your a fine example of courage. I only wish when the shit hits the fan for me I have 10% of yours.

Like your dad I too have to deal with the time bomb of Agent Orange. You earned the right to whine and if it helps I'll listen as long as you want me to - it's the least we can do for each other.

God bless you - your in my prayers.

I agree with Ba, you have every right to whine.

The problem a lot of us have is that our illness and injuries don't necessarily show on the outside which means people ask why? Why can't you do this, why can't you do that.

I hate not being able to do the things I used to, I hate taking a handful of meds in the morning and again at night as well as extra pain meds during the day, but I do it.

Some days are worse than others and I know it sounds harsh, but what keeps me going is knowing that some of you guys have it rougher than me, and I don't mean PTSD. I mean injury wise, I mean lack of VA support or delay in getting it, etc, etc, maybe I am just waffling.

How is little Frog mate??
Jimmy, I think both of my babies are doing fine. Me and Seren split up in the beginning of the tear and I haven't got to see them since. She got hooked back on pain meds I blew up. I took the kids from her last year and made her go to treatment. She got on saboxin and made it three visits and gave out but was doing good. Then she got off saboxin and started back on something. We got in an argument about money that was just being blown. She rang the police and in washington one person has to go to jail.They take the man of coarse. That part got all cleared up and she then put another restraining order on me from my kids. Using of coarse ptsd and my health problems. She waited to get me in trouble till about a week and a half after I got my social security. I had already told her she needed to find a new place to live. I never hit her I just blew up verbally. She has tried treatment three times and only the one in the middle she completed. So now its the lawyers turn. She doesn't know about the polycethemia yet. She stole all my stuff and pawned all my guns. I got the the guns out because she broke the law by pawning them and because her mom paid for all them to be released by the next mourning after I filed the police report they didn't press charges. She has lost both trystin, and taylan like 4 times while she is passed out or something neighbors found them 2 blocks away once and in strangers houses 3 differant times and the police take them back to her. The CPS has been called so many times by people and the police and they do nothing. I paid her rent for 7 months and she still got a notice to vacate by the land lady because she was causing so many problems. So I guess she is living at her moms now and I don't get to see my boys yet. Oh her mom works at the court house so I don't get very much support from them.
Mate, I will pray for you to get stable enough to take custody. I know you would be an awesome father and trust me, when faced with raising children by yourself, PTSD takes a back seat. I don't know how I did it for so many years.

Australia is similar to the States I think and maybe the world. They always look harshly on the man. You may not know, but recently I gave up custody of Christian even though he is turning 16, I just could not handle it anymore. Anyway, I was speaking to Child Support Agency and the lady on the other end who did not know of any history started blasting me and telling me that it was my responsibility to pay for my children. Talk about don't poke the bear, I gave her a lesson in how to crawl under a rock after I told her that Christian's mother left this city to chase her new man leaving Christian and her other adult children behind. I told this scum that his mother is a compulsive gambler who went through treatment and that I having returned from Iraq with PTSD and having multiple physical injuries raised my son on my own and did not receive a cent from her because her income was so low.

Funnily enough the lady started apologising, so I hung up.

They just don't get it mate. I feel for your kids.
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