Watching over others Day & Night

Friday

Moderator
In my old line of work… this was just a thing, that one did, but always part of a team. You might pull 3 or 4 days, until others could join… but you could ALWAYS go get some sleep. Sooner, or later. You were never, or rarely, entirely on your own. A few days at most. And then either they -the person hurting- would wake the f*ck up, or others would be there to spell you.

This might be better in Core Beliefs. But it’s also Suicide. And suicide watch.

IDK.

It’s just so damnably hard. Mostly looking for others who get it.
 

jaccat

MyPTSD Pro
Sort of, yeah. Not work related but I've had enough of it in family for various reasons, including at risk of suicide and there've been times when it's stopped me sleeping even though I knew in truth there was nothing I can do to prevent whatever might happen. So yeah, I kind of get it. And it is hard.
 

Sideways

Moderator
In my old line of work…
This is the nub of it, isn't it?

'Suicide watch' is something that you get a professional to do for you. Because it can't be done for personal relationships. Ever. For a shopping list of rock solid reasons.

When a person can no longer keep themselves alive, they need professional help. We are either a supporter, or a professional, for that person. Never both.
 

Friday

Moderator
Suicide watch' is something that you get a professional to do for you. Because it can't be done for personal relationships. Ever. For a shopping list of rock solid reasons.
The only problem being that -in this country- a psych admit is worse than a felony.

So, for any young person, keeping that OFF their record? Is more important than keeping the use of their legs.

Life is still possible, crippled. And not possible dead. But, when a few days, is the difference between a brilliant future & ‘would you like fries with that?’… the answer is clear. Unless you’re already a criminal, in a family of very successful criminals, keeping a psych admit off the record… is paramount… to any future happiness.

Keep in mind.., this country, my country, has no social services to speak of. The MOMENT you become unhireable? You’re f*cked. You might get $12 a month in food aid IF you have zero assets, are homeless/jobless, AND at least one kid. In about 2 years. If you can hire a lawyer.

The ONLY way to keep psych services off the record? Is to have tens of thousands to spend/borrow, for a private facility, with no accreditation. “On retreat”. Which is what the wealthy do. I’m not wealthy. Not anymore. So I sit. And stay up for 4 days, sleep 20 minutes, stay up for 4 more.

Or it’s my fault.

Because I knooooow the consequence of calling for help. It’s sacrificing the next 80 years of someone else’s life. Because they’re having a hard time. For damn good reason.
 
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Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Ever since I've met you on here @Friday you've suffered from sleep deprivation. And I know how bad that is for anyone because I've had it. Not as bad as you but I've had it. After everything that you've endured in life and survived because your a badass, this is no-way for you to live the rest of your life.

At night I take 45mg of mirtazapine, 20mg olanzapine. After an hour I'm asleep for 7-8hours straight. That medication has a really good effect on me and doesn't make me lethargic or docile the next day. I'm functioning and happy. Also I take 20mg escitalopram in the morning. It's about quality of life. I'm concerned about you because this has been a serious problem for a long time now.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
my paid work was construction. in 1995, i retired from construction to take charge of my own out of control adolescents. running commercial construction crews was child's play in comparison. i have since grown to wonder if the biggest problem in this country is what we call, "not working." well? ? ? the other connotation of "not working" might cover the bases. it's NOT WORKING! ! ! the 24/7 nature of not working makes caregiving far, far more exhausting than building office/medical complexes. i got to leave the construction stresses behind and go home. in caregiving, i have to sleep at the job site and my boss (me) is a sleep deprived moron. worse, i don't get to retire. this company's retirement plan is the pits, anyway.

rant over. . .

The only problem being that -in this country- a psych admit is worse than a felony.

i've been challenging this stigma since the pimps in the kiddie whorehouses promoted it as a reason for me to keep their secrets back in the 60's and early 70's. in the half century i have been brazenly letting my freak flag fly --i buy the notion that we are only as sick as our secrets-- i have yet to have my psych herstory used against me. i have even held high level military security clearances. i have run into for more apathy toward my herstory than people who cared enough to use it against me.

yes, i'm a child prostitution survivor with all the related psycho ticks. wanna make something of it? bring it on, cupcake. . .
 

StillPen

MyPTSD Pro
Having been in a psych ward, and having to help put a loved one in a psych ward, yep, I get it...100% agree. I had to conciously cross the line into 'this will now be on my record' and do it anyway, knowing it could be used against me down the road, but also knowing in that moment, I was a danger to myself and others and could snap if I didn'tget help...

...and helping a loved one make the same decision for themselves was the same. It will now be on their record, too. I have to live with helping them make that choice knowing it might haunt them as much as the active SI and depression.

It takes a facility and a team of professionals and peers to help a person get to the other side of that darkness, not a loved one, not a supporter. The only way that works is if you have a team in your personal life that can help you pull shifts and even then, you're putting your own mental health at severe risk. I know for me, it would've done my loved ones no good to be on watch. I had already thought of ten different ways I could go that they didn't know about...they don't know what to look for. The worry, the throbbing and gut-wrenching that occurs because you have no ability to take that loved one out of that dark place, it is often too much...

I hear you, I get it. I'm not rich either...the call is tough to make either way. Least worst decision, right?
 

Sideways

Moderator
keeping a psych admit off the record… is paramount… to any future happiness.
That's potentially the core belief issue - is that advice you give to others?

I've got every kind of psych admission on my record. Its not getting in the way. Except to the extent that I have a medically significant history of mental illness that may very well require serious medical intervention in the future.

If medical shit is still confidential? I sue the person who tries to make a deal out of it. I probably wouldn't bother, but I could.

The other thing, the one that's harder to confront, and sometimes brews resentment until acceptance gets addressed in therapy: when you're that sick, you need medical intervention. The medical intervention required is fking awful, but that's how it is with this kind of illness. This isn't a "call on loved ones to bring chicken soup" situation.

And that's where the lifelong felony record lies. The person has a psych condition that requires that level intervention, and they potentially have that condition for life. That's a record they already have - no amount of your keeping them safe can help them avoid that now. It's shit, and completely unfair.

Whether they accept it or not, and whether they choose to get help or not, that's how it is. Getting the right help will keep them safe. And once they're through the thick of it? They're gonna need to manage the fk outta their mental health to try and avoid relapse.

Thats all the shiteload of projection. Maybe in your situation there's no reason to think there will ever be a relapse. Idk. Maybe medical shit isn't actually confidential. Idk. But psych admissions aren't a bar to any future happiness or success - that part is definitely awry.
 

Tinyflame

MyPTSD Pro
I get it @Friday , on both sides of the fence. 😭😱

Is there a way to get back-up? (Preferably fast.) Or a way to get 'some' help for something unrelated which would help? Something they would agree to getting help for? Or something they would laugh about, engage in, or gets them moving or focused on something else? A pet?

I don't think your mind will let you sleep easily unless you have a near-guarantee when you do it will be ok. (My experience anyway). And they need sleep too- I think this is a huge contributing factor.

Also, them being so stressed +/or saddened, rightfully so as you said, are there any ways to contribute to turning around what's causing it?

The truth is, there are some things we didn't cause, can't control, and of course can't in of ourselves alone cure.

But I still believe, some times things work out. It's a monumental hump to get over, a monumental sacrifice to even be near it and invested, or to accompany someone. It's also a gamble- no life, no future of course- but there can be many opportunities to get off the road. Nothing is a done deal.

I will be pulling hard for you both, that something will shift, something will penetrate. And you will have the courage and clarity to know what to say +/ or do, and when. And that you can rest, and more easily. I'm so sorry you're going through this. 🫂 (It's a hug emojii, but doesn't show). ((((((((Friday))))))))
 
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Warrior Chicken

MyPTSD Pro
Mmmhmmm, nodding with that heavy look.

I know from here you’ve mentioned a very awesome family network you have.

But…..I also know from my own experiences that familia can be wonderful at certain times and epically horrid at others.

Is this one that someone from that side of your life can be trusted to help with? Or is it one that you fear it will be doubly awful if they fail and you feel even more responsible?

At some point, you know, that sleep dep impairs you to the point that ya gotta ask. Will I make a good judgement call if called upon?

I know you’re solid and stellar. But you’re human, who else can help carry this so you can take a knee to reload for a min?
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
e only problem being that -in this country- a psych admit is worse than a felony.
Yep. I have not been hospitalized, ever, because I learned how destructive having that info on your record can be. It's likely not any better having a psych disorder on your record, but when things get bad with doctors (like when they start--as they always do--blaming everything on the depression or PTSD or DID), I move on.
keeping a psych admit off the record… is paramount… to any future happiness.
Ok, so I don't know that I'd go that far. That's really giving the medical establishment an enormous amount of control and it's demonstrating no personal responsibility for happiness.
“On retreat”. Which is what the wealthy do. I’m not wealthy. Not anymore. So I sit. And stay up for 4 days, sleep 20 minutes, stay up for 4 more.
I had one therapist arrange a week in a convent when I was really suicidal because he knew being forced to go to a hospital would make me worse. Didn't cost a cent, and it really helped, despite the fact that I didn't share any of their beliefs. There are other options out there, but I think it's really hard to find them when you're in crisis.
Because I knooooow the consequence of calling for help. It’s sacrificing the next 80 years of someone else’s life. Because they’re having a hard time. For damn good reason.
I'd like to understand better how it can ruin a person's life forever. I agree it makes some things much more difficult, but I know lots of people who have been hospitalized who have come to understand that it doesn't define them and they have not been held back because of it.
 
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