• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Weird problem: My Dissociation is Broken

OceanSpray

MyPTSD Pro
Therapy isn’t until tomorrow, I’ve had a mentally weird/frustrating/not great few days, AND I’m doing a 4+ hour road trip by myself today.

It’s the perfect time to zone out into daydreams which are my typical version of dissociating. It’s not the best coping mechanism but there is something about it that feels good. Mainly because getting lost in some other world is far better than staying in this one.

Except that’s what’s happening. I can’t turn off. Everything is so present and vibrant and here and the dream world is extremely muted.

I can’t do 4 hours of this reality business. WTF is wrong with me? Is this progress? All the whole feel your feelings, don’t tune them out business? Cause, sure, I’ll play along in session but I don’t want this. This is too noisy, too uncomfortable, too much.
 
I can’t do 4 hours of this reality business. WTF is wrong with me? Is this progress?
ah, reality. . . that confusing time between naps often makes me wonder why i gave up lala land. then i remember the nightmares, instability, etc., etc. where's my perfect life? at present, i am working to believe that this uncomfortable new awareness really is progress and not a frightening new signal of yet something else wrong with me. healing happens. hope it happens here.
 
How did things go?

Kinda miserable, kinda okay lol. Wasn’t able to ever really zone out and so it was a very long drive of all kinds of recent feelings and things coming up that I had to actually sit there and feel out. Which ultimately was good I guess, the therapist was happy about it lol. It was extremely uncomfortable though. But I do think it’s part of the progress I’ve been making overall to get more in touch with my feelings.
 
It’s the perfect time to zone out into daydreams which are my typical version of dissociating. It’s not the best coping mechanism but there is something about it that feels good. Mainly because getting lost in some other world is far better than staying in this one.
Yup. Deep, vibrant daydreams are my favorite dissociative 'trick.' I have running daydreams that I can pick up at any time of the day or night. It's sort of like turning on a TV set and watching my favorite show. Some of mine go all the way back to childhood.
 
Back
Top