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Childhood Weird Sensation In Genitals - Body Memory?

Thread starter #1
Hello everyone. I hope this is the right place to post this. I'm recently coming to terms with childhood sexual abuse, and am viewing old thoughts and feelings under this new lens.

As a result I've begun paying attention to a strange sensation in my body that I've experienced on and off my whole life: when I feel negative emotions, there's an odd sexual component, like a sensation of tingling or being touched in my genitals (ick). It's very disturbing and upsetting to me, and has consequently been pushed away and denied over the years.

Recently, this sensation has accompanied processing and work with my T, or whenever I think about my experiences as a child. Is this a body memory? Is this common? Do others experience this? It's taken me about a month to even attempt to post this, such is the shame and anxiety I feel over this topic.

Thanks.
Eppi.
 
#2
I experienced that as a child whenever I saw sexual violence on tv. I figured I was just a bad child for having that sensation and never linked to my abuse until years later. It scared me. It made me feel like the violence was exciting which in my little knew that was wrong. But since I had no T to help me process the feelings it contributed to feelings of worthlessness and low self esteem - shame.
I hope that helps. I've never discussed it either because I was afraid I was a weirdo. I was just reacting to abuse I didn't know how to cope with
 
#3
I totally experience that a year ago! It's a part (you when you were abused) trying to tell you something. You can ask the part to share with you what happened and remember be compassionate, curious, and accepting of the part. This means that you are making progress, even though I'm sure it doesn't feel that way. It means your part is starting to trust you enough to say more.
 

Chava

MyPTSD Pro
#4
Glad you had the courage to post. I have some of this and don't think about it or blot it out honestly, because I don't know where it's coming from right now. But I know I have body-memory type stuff in other areas. It gets murky because I was semi-conscious, unconscious, or really young during my main traumas, so it just feels strange and icky. But I think that's also how it gets encoded in the body. Supposedly that body can hold memories more authentically than our explicit sort of memory. But it's harder for us to make sense of. Do you think you could bring it up with your therapist? It's not a weird question at all and I'm sure s/he could help you consider whether it fits with the context of what you are working on in therapy. Seems likely but I wouldn't be able to say for sure.
 
#5
I've had negative emotions and anxiety come to rest in several parts of my body. It seems weird, but I know it's not. Sometimes it's just a little uncomfortable, sometimes it leaves me really crazy.

My experience is that what I went through screwed up how my body handles emotions.

Be kind to yourself. It's not something that's really different or unusual for someone who has experienced sexual abuse.
 
#7
I used to think that body sensations were just that. No real reason for them. The more I understand trauma and how it affects the body, the more I realize that these recurring things (I think) have a history. For me I feel pain (although generally I don't feel pain) in my rectum at times after sex. Searing pain. I just this week put together that this may be the part of my trauma that I have yet to deal with....the sexual abuse part. I am not ready to go there yet but am attempting to acknowledge it but not delve into it yet as I know I am not ready.
 

katz

MyPTSD Pro
#8
One of my first body memories was when I was at the T office with my Husband and he began talking about something (I don't even remember what it was) But, I began to shake between my legs.(like when you get the chills in the winter). I wasn't sure what it was. I talked to the T the following week - just the two of us, and she confirmed for me that it was just that, a body memory. I have had it two other times and can now recognize it as it starts. Now, I tend to ignore it and focus on trying to figure out what is causing it.

I have quite a few "physical" memories, but, as I have gotten older I tend to look for the reason for it, then to pay that much attention to it. A lot of the time, as soon as I recognize what is causing it--I can reassure myself that that is what it is, and "let it go".

I haven't gotten to some of my worst feelings yet--I know. But, this gives me a base and a chance to learn what to do and how I can handle them. I'm between T right now, so I'm really having to rely on myself. I think that I will need to find some one soon.
But, I know that the first thing I will ask them is if they plan on retiring soon. LOL

I have lost two T this way in the past and it is very annoying to me to have to "start back at the beginning" each time. It takes me quite a while to trust them.
 
#9
I think it's a body memory.

I experience something similar, just not in the genitals. As a child, my uncle held a drill or knife up to my neck a few times, or would hold me by the neck against the wall. Whenever someone touches my neck or even near my neck, like my head or shoulders, I just get this tingly feeling across my skin and shudder and it makes me feel sick. Sometimes seeing a knife or drill will trigger the feeling.

Body memories are more likely to occur if the trauma was experienced in your childhood. Same goes with emotional flashbacks.

Hope I helped.
 

FlagPeace

Policy Enforcement
#10
I JUST posted a similar question an hour or so ago, asking if anyone ever felt their genitals tingle or feel turned on, or felt like there was a finger pushing into my/your vagina.

I thought I was alone because no one talks about that, but I'm so thankful I'm not the only one.

And yes, it's a body memory because of unresolved trauma being held in the body.
 
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#11
It has sexual abuse written all over it. One...(well, actually ALL) of my ex's was/were sexually abused. But, I am referring to one in particular. Because of her past sexual abuse (she was abused in many ways), she had an obsession with showering and cleanliness. She would brush her teeth for 20 minutes, until her gums were raw and bleeding. She would also shower for half an hour in very hot water, and scrub her vaginal area until it was raw and bleeding also. Both of those behaviors resulted from sexual contact when she was a young girl. I worked with her for years to try to undo some of those behaviors, with limited success.
 
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