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Weirdly Wholesome Experience?

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maddiebtw

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So my wife and I just had a male friend of hers staying over with us for a week, and I spent the entire week being super f*cking anxious. Like, I know him, I like him, he's stayed with us before, but I'm scared of men.

Now, my wife and I are ethically non-monogomous, and I know that she likes this guy, so I let her know before he came over that I was ok with her doing whatever with him while I was at work (I work overnights). On his last night with us, I had the night off and we were all going to hang out and watch a movie, but being on edge all week had kind of taken a toll on me, so I did what I always do in these situations and tried to puff a little smoke beforehand. On the last toke, my dab pen must have malfunctioned or something, but an impossibly big cloud came out of my mouth, and I started panicking that I was about go on a hell of a trip. And sure enough, I did.

It's hard to describe to someone that's never experienced it before, but it's kind of like watching a movie you're not really paying attention to, and you keep zoning out and coming back without context for what's going on. At one point after I zoned out, I came to with them making out on the floor. After another zone out, my wife had gone to the bathroom, and her friend was still laying on the floor. I can't explain why, but I just kind of got down on the floor next to him and started cuddling him. From what I remember, it felt pretty nice, and when my wife came back we all just kind of cuddled and made out on the floor. This all kind of ended abruptly when, in the heat of the moment, I started to reach my hand in his pants and he quickly grabbed my hand and said that I wasn't in any state to consent to anything further. My wife agreed and he carried me to bed and I fell asleep pretty shortly thereafter.

That's maybe the first time I've ever felt respected by a man? Especially in a sexual context. Everyone talked about it the next morning and said that, while a good time was had by all, it was a good thing that it stopped where it did. I agree. Idk, maybe it's kind of f*cked up, but being in a vulnerable position, surrounded by people that wanted me but refused to do anything without my consent, it profoundly affected me. I'll be processing this for a little while, but I feel like my faith in humanity has been restored a little.
 
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