well shit tried to get into program, fail. at wits end

AJ45

Confident
Im spiraling so far down.

tried to get into respite center after jumping through hoops got dr to fill out form waited 3 weeks to have her tell me place isnt accepting referrals, dr tried another place same story.

i dont even really know how to explain in detail what is going on but im not even sure i understand anymore. Thoughts of death are so regular its torture. Plan is set as can be. its like i could disappear tomorrow, just vanish. Id say it s cares me but im pretty numb to things these days.

im ready to be in different world with no pain.
 

bellbird

Sponsor
I'm really sorry, AJ45.
Can you try the hospital? Let them know these thoughts that you're having. Tell them you need help now.

Please hold on.
I've been there - that place that is so dark we think the only option is to leave this world.
The thing is, as far as we know, there is no world apart from this one.
The only way we have a chance of experiencing recovery is by holding on and getting through.
It is possible. It really is.

Here and caring.
 

AJ45

Confident
I'm really sorry, AJ45.
Can you try the hospital? Let them know these thoughts that you're having. Tell them you need help now.

Please hold on.
I've been there - that place that is so dark we think the only option is to leave this world.
The thing is, as far as we know, there is no world apart from this one.
The only way we have a chance of experiencing recovery is by holding on and getting through.
It is possible. It really is.

Here and caring.
I cant be 5150d again and thats what they will do. Ive been trying to hold on only for it to be like a mean joke. Holding on is all i do leaves no room to live or do anything else. I cant keep living this way and help doesnt seem to really exist, although ive tried to get and so have others
 

bellbird

Sponsor
A voluntary inpatient stay at a hospital psych ward.
I'm from NZ so not sure if that's possible to do in other countries.
 

bellbird

Sponsor
What is it about 5150 that is so off-putting?
Because it sounds like you're really close to attempting to end your life, and being 5150d could give you the breathing space to make some changes to medications etc to keep you safe both now and moving forward.
 

AJ45

Confident
What is it about 5150 that is so off-putting?
Because it sounds like you're really close to attempting to end your life, and being 5150d could give you the breathing space to make some changes to medications etc to keep you safe both now and moving forward.
Ive done it twice and yes in very short term at least got some sort of breather but other issues came up. First place i didnt eat whole time was there not a quiet place sleep sucked. Nurse put me in room that locked from outside so i was safe from others ironically state facility really bad. Once told about why want to die its like they understood and released me bad idea considering was so out of it after picking up car got in accident havent regularly driven since. Second place also didnt eat so much, or sleep till ativan :/ but also fluke got hurt had to get face glued at ER then sent back to psych they released me that night, more of place that obey rules/ be "normal" you'll get out. Both place no after care resources that hadnt already tried.
 

Friday

Moderator
So it sounds like you’re trying to get into an inpatient trauma unit to work on stabilization? Somewhere like Sheppard Pratt or RiverOaks, in the US or Centrum in the EU?

If the places you’ve tried aren’t accepting referrals right now, or aren’t accepting your doctor’s referral...

- Did they say why? (Covid makes sense, a lot of places have voluntary admits on hold right now, as it doesn’t make a lot of sense to come catch a deadly illness when you’re trying to get better... but many others are still open with voluntary 2 week quarantines as part of the admit calendar. BUT a lot of trauma units also won’t take referrals for suicidal patients / want the suicidal issues sorted first, THEN will take a referral for them. Others won’t take a referral from a doctor/psychiatrist unless they’re also a clinical therapist the patient’s therapist is on record / as part of the referral request. Ah, medical admin! <brick wall bang head> So knowing why they won’t take the referral gives you a good place to start. Is it all referrals, referrals from suicidal patients, or various Covid protocols?)

- Are there any other programs you might be interested in attending? Either on the trauma side or depression side?
 
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