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well shit tried to get into program, fail. at wits end

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So it sounds like you’re trying to get into an inpatient trauma unit to work on stabilization? Somewhere like Sheppard Pratt or RiverOaks, in the US or Centrum in the EU?

If the places you’ve tried aren’t accepting referrals right now, or aren’t accepting your doctor’s referral...

- Did they say why? (Covid makes sense, a lot of places have voluntary admits on hold right now, as it doesn’t make a lot of sense to come catch a deadly illness when you’re trying to get better... but many others are still open with voluntary 2 week quarantines as part of the admit calendar. BUT a lot of trauma units also won’t take referrals for suicidal patients / want the suicidal issues sorted first, THEN will take a referral for them. Others won’t take a referral from a doctor/psychiatrist unless they’re also a clinical therapist the patient’s therapist is on record / as part of the referral request. Ah, medical admin! <brick wall bang head> So knowing why they won’t take the referral gives you a good place to start. Is it all referrals, referrals from suicidal patients, or various Covid protocols?)

- Are there any other programs you might be interested in attending? Either on the trauma side or depression side?
Yes. Not sure where those places are but yes US. Not accepting referrals, other place is full. Not sure why not accepting. But yes COVID has made things even more impossible. She said another place was accepting referrals that was almost a week ago and havent heard anything but huge issue with city place is where DR said almost week ago was accepting ref.

As for programs those were the ones. closest to "home".
 
As for programs those were the ones. closest to "home".
Is that important? Like are you aiming for a PHP, IOP, etc.?

(Partial Hospitalization / Intensive Outpatient... where you sleep over M-F but go home on weekends, come in every morning and leave every night, or do half days).

Or if it’s not important to be near home, you might could look into specialized trauma & stabilization treatment further afield? Sheppard Pratt & RiverOaks are the 2 most mentioned on this site, but there are a couple dozen specialized centers nationwide.
 
Is that important? Like are you aiming for a PHP, IOP, etc.?

(Partial Hospitalization / Intensive Outpatient... where you sleep over M-F but go home on weekends, come in every morning and leave every night, or do half days).

Or if it’s not important to be near home, you might could look into specialized trauma & stabilization treatment further afield? Sheppard Pratt & RiverOaks are the 2 most mentioned on this site, but there are a couple dozen specialized centers nationwide.
programs was trying to get into was 2 week voluntary, more peer crisis place where you stay there and yes length and location matter. Last time i checked local PHP place wasnt taking people.
 
Sounds like you value the voluntary part of help provided. I don't blame you. You don't happen to have a therapist do you? That would come in really handy right about now. I know in the cold weather I drop into these crazy die states myself and my therapist is the only one that keeps me out of a chronic death wish. Do you have any other resources to help you get through? Have you thought of making a crisis plan for when this happens? Now may not be the best time, but something to consider for the future.

One thing I have noticed about my death wish states is that my trauma was a life or death trauma. So I learned from my therapist that of course I want to die, because that was the root feeling behind my trauma (I would rather die than.....put up with.....live through....have to do ?????? again, etc). Once I figured out the pattern of that, it made it easier for me to catch where the death wishing was coming from.

No idea if that is helpful or not, but I just wanted you to know that I can relate in my own way to the overwhelming feeling that I hear you describing. I am so sorry there is (I assume, once again) no help available to you. I hope you keep reaching out here.
 
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