Well...that didnt go well.

jch

Confident
I broke out of my depression for a split second, but went straight to rage. After the adrenaline where's off I know I'll be right back down in the whole.
 

Warrior Chicken

MyPTSD Pro
We track the negative, it’s a survival instinct. Your brain is trying to help, but doesn’t always get it right based on present circumstances.

Brain breaking out of depression for a split second isn’t a bad thing, it’s a start to creating more space. Giving it acknowledgment is the first step to building layers.

Not saying layers are comfortable, but they are necessary and we grow by experiencing them.

I think it went alright.....there’s positives
 

jch

Confident
I feel guilty when it happens. When I blow up like that it's out of nowhere, and catches people off guard. They probably don't see it coming because I always try to hide everything. I don't know why, for safety probably. It's very rare though. Come to think of it, it usually happens when people try to talk me through things. Giving me advice, and telling me what I'm feeling. Their never right. Not their fault though because nobody knows the real me.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I don't know if this helps or not:
I feel guilty too. My T says that's because I'm not used to expressing my feelings or needs. I wasn't allowed to express them as a child (it resulted in ridicule, or being ignored or dismissed) , so when I do express myself now there is this confusion and this guilt. Because it is new and feels like I have burdened someone else.

But you are allowed to express yourself.

Are you in therapy?
 

jch

Confident
I don't know if this helps or not:
I feel guilty too. My T says that's because I'm not used to expressing my feelings or needs. I wasn't allowed to express them as a child (it resulted in ridicule, or being ignored or dismissed) , so when I do express myself now there is this confusion and this guilt. Because it is new and feels like I have burdened someone else.

But you are allowed to express yourself.

Are you in therapy?
No. I'm broke. No insurance, and live in a small rural town. I can't even drive anywhere. I had a car for a couple of months in high school, but I would get so freaked out that I would kind of blank out. So I never got my license. Makes it hard to do anything even if 8 wanted to.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
That is hard.
I suppose that's where things like this forum might really help? You're not alone and the feelings you have, are shared here. Lots of people will have been through similar things and can relate. Whilst that doesn't stop the feelings, it can help to feel less alone.

There are some great books and things to read too, if that would help?
 

jch

Confident
That is hard.
I suppose that's where things like this forum might really help? You're not alone and the feelings you have, are shared here. Lots of people will have been through similar things and can relate. Whilst that doesn't stop the feelings, it can help to feel less alone.

There are some great books and things to read too, if that would help?
Thank you
 

shimmerz

MyPTSD Pro
but went straight to rage.
So what did your body do/want to do, whilst in rage. One of the things I have found about rage was that there were so many things in my past that screamed internally that rage was NOT allowed or dire consequences would follow.

Do you have a plan as to how to express that rage when you feel safe enough to express it again? Oh -- and it may be worthwhile to think back to what it was that triggered up that response,. Pete Walker has some good insight into freeze/fight stuff. That may be worth looking at as well.
 

jch

Confident
So what did your body do/want to do, whilst in rage. One of the things I have found about rage was that there were so many things in my past that screamed internally that rage was NOT allowed or dire consequences would follow.

Do you have a plan as to how to express that rage when you feel safe enough to express it again? Oh -- and it may be worthwhile to think back to what it was that triggered up that response,. Pete Walker has some good insight into freeze/fight stuff. That may be worth looking at as well.
I usually just breathe and avoid whatever angers me, but sometimes it catches me off guard. I was told I haven't killed myself because deep down I want to live, and it set me off bad. They don't know what's in my head. Also when people twist my words. It's hard enough for me to get thoughts across.
 
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