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What’s the point in therapy?

Thread starter #1
Really. I know I’m usually one of the first to ask people if they are in therapy when they post here struggling. But honestly? I’m not feeling it anymore. I mean, I’d rather not pay so much money to be worthless when I can get that for free from others. Like why would I continue to pay and chase down a person to pay attention to me when I can get the same thing from a supposed friend who drops me as soon as she knows of a sort of possible diagnosis for free. When she does remember me she asks about my week and what accomplishments have happened. So I make up shit half the time so we can move on cause if I don’t she’ll harp on it. When it comes to trauma talk? That barely happens. Because I can’t and she doesn’t push and even if I force myself to write it down she puts it in a box to be burned later. Then we talk about my week and current events some more.

What’s the point?

I want to add, I’m checking out other T’s but I don’t know that I actually want to. I have a pdoc appt in the morning and I really want to just ghost him too. I’m fighting it because I need medication because I’m f*cking mental without it. The only shitty part is he requires me to be in active therapy to get those freaking meds. So I’m trapped. And I have really no desire to talk to any new or current T because what the hell is the point when it would just be me whining about a bad childhood that everyone has? Boohoo poor me.
Hi @Annalyn78 ,
Your last sentence or two sound like you're struggling with showing yourself compassion? Not everyone has a hard childhood. And anyway, forget 'everyone'. This is about you. What happened to you. Things that shouldn't have happened to you, that you survived.

Sometimes therapy stalls? Do you think you can bring your feelings up about therapy and how you and T are using the sessions with your T? It might help to make an agreement about how to use the sessions. My T sometimes says "are you inviting me to.....(whatever it is I hinted at)". Because sometimes i'll drop clues about what I want to talk about but can't bring myself, and then she notices and takes the lead. You mentioned about wanting her to push you to talk about the trauma. Maybe there is something you can talk to her about in terms of how to do this in a way that helps you and doesn't overwhelm?
Thread starter #3
I don’t know. At this point I don’t want to talk to her about anything. I gave her my work schedule to set an appt over two weeks ago and have heard nothing back. This is the second time this is happened. The last time I bit my pride and reminded her of me. She was all apologetic and fake crap. Now she’s doing it again and I absolutely refuse to sit there and beg for her attention.
That sucks @Annalyn78 . In a big way.
My T forgot to email me something she said she would once. Felt awful. So I can imagine her not arranging your appointment feeling really really crap. I'm sorry this is happening.

It sounds as though , to resolve it, you need to take action in one way or another (when you feel ready), as you said your medication is dependent on talking therapy?

Do you feel up to contacting her?

Maybe working out in here what to say and how to do it might help?
Thread starter #5
I’m not sure what to say to her. All my mind can seem to latch onto is ghosting her and if she finally reaches out screaming at her. Which accomplishes nothing. I’m just so unbelievably angry. Couldn’t fall asleep until almost 3 am last night because my brain is just so on fire right now and refuses to shut down.
Totally understand that.
It feels devastating when our T's behave in ways like this. For me, it just triggers so many things that abusive people treated me like that I can't bear to have T behave like that too.
It's awful. A horrible situation for you to be in.

Is there a way for you to lessen the intensity of these emotions about the situation? Maybe see what is triggering the intensity and work through that?
Maybe once the intensity of the feelings is lessened, you might find the way through this to resolve it in the best way for you?


I can tell you what I get from it? My T is like a sort of aunt figure. She models acceptance yet challenges me to challenge myself. She is modelling to me how I should be treating myself.

She once described it as doing the job my primary caregivers should have done to get me able to do it for myself and that she aims to have me do it for myself and that’s when she has succeeded, like a good parent, and I’ll miss her but be ready and eager to to support myself .
Here is the advice I give myself and anyone else that has sought therapy, I hope you don't think me to be too cold about it:
Always remember and never forget, they are the employee and you are the employer.
In my own case, if I have to remember that it is probably too late. It is hard to reestablish a relationship like that after both of you are entertaining the idea that you need them more than they need you. Impossible really.
I have to ask myself- who is more likely to invite me to their kids wedding? My T or my insurance salesman? I have had ex T's that approached me to say hi in public after we had finished business, thats all I can say for maybe 12 or so now. One that will always make room for me if I need her assistance with something in particular, I think of her as my surrogate big sister. The rest probably wouldn't make a quick spot in their schedule for me or walk across the street to say hello unless they were looking for work. Thats probably not going to be the case now or for a long time (COVID)
You were looking for help when you found this T, maybe time to try again?
I think therapy can be beneficial if you connect with the right person and you know something of what you want to accomplish. One poster said you are the employer and that is correct. They are there as an advocate to give some guidance , insight and ideas. It is a relationship. You are not the poor victim and they the almighty problem solver. Therapy has helped me but I know people who have been seeing the same therapist for 10 years with little results. Don't give up but take charge.
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