What a crappy day

Gatha

Learning
This could be moany and not too PTSDy but it's really knocked me for six :( I have a friend that I've been helping with his alcohol problems (I know a fair bit about it from personal experience, I'm over 2 years sober :) So my friend is doing well. He's a month in and the change in him is remarkable, but he's hit what I call 'the social wall'. Now he has some mobility back, he's been visiting the pub for a lemonade to catch up with the local gossip. I was so proud of him for sticking to his guns in the face of so many drinkers (and so called friends) that find it amusing to say very counter-productive things to him; like challenging his resolve or ridiculing him for being a sober looser. It takes a lot of time and patience to talk though things with him as he has special needs. He's recently shown interest in having the occasional shandy. Alarm bells from me ! We talked it through and agreed that it probably wasn't a good idea. Today is his birthday. He's bought a bottle of beer to have a birthday shandy. I have a meltdown and tell him that I don't want to go if he's drinking. And this is what's killing me.. he chose a birthday drink over his best friend :( Now I'm questioning my actions and motives.
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
Dealing with an alcoholic is hard. It's so easy to get hurt and entangled. I think on some level you probably know, it's not as straight forward as him choosing the drink over you. When there's addiction happening, thinking is distorted and it's so easy to slide back into the disease.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
drinking isn't a problem for me, but i attract alcoholics/addicts like a magnet. don't accuse me of experting, but i have yet to see the "you wouldn't if you loved me" approach work any better with addiction than it works for cancer. i buy the notion that addiction is not a choice. it is a disease.

let go and let god, gotha. his addiction is not about you or the quality of help you have given him. you do what you can and let the rest go.

kudos on your willingness to do what you can. healing hopes that you can let the rest go.
 
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