Hi everyone -
I'm new to this forum so I'm going to try to explain everything i can, in as little as i can because i tend to get carried away with my writing.
I was dating a military veteran, infantry in the Army with one deployment. we didnt date while he was deployed but we constantly talked, all day long - all night, etc. We were actually starting to get super close, i knew i loved him and then he just shut down. No communication nothing, he actually ended up dating some girl who was on the same base he was, i was heartbroken. They lasted about a month and then they broke up and he came crawling back to me (he was back in the states). Basically saying that he never liked her, and he was just getting so close to me he got scared and left. Well once we talked and he saw how hurt I was he decided I was worth it and we got together. This was november 2016.
Then he was stationed in another state but still close enough to where one of us would always drive to the other for weekends and whenever he had leave. In march we actually broke up because I had hurt his feelings, i'll spare the details, but we ended up back together a month after and as if it never happened. Then we really were p e r f e c t.
Well in august, he got out of the Army and became a civilian. right around that time we moved in together which now looking back wasnt the best idea. He was struggling with finding a job, and finding himself and him not really handling money or the bills correctly caused stress on me, which then had me cause stress on him and vice versa. I could tell something had been off with him but i never actually pinpointed it to his PTSD symptoms.
He would drink himself to sleep, nightmares and night terrors, staring blankly into space, but he was never emotionally distant. Now looking back i feel so stupid for being naive and ignorant and not putting the pieces together, instead I only became frustrated with him. So about 2 1/2 weeks ago it got to be too much and he broke up with me and moved out. But then two days after came back. Not us being back together, but him just being with me. Hanging out with me, telling me he loved me, babe this baby that etc - and so I asked him what we were doing and if we were going to get back together and he just shut down and left again. Then a few days later, back again. It seems to be a push and pull dynamic right now.
He tells me he loves me, he tells me he misses me and needs me and im his safe place but does not want to be my boyfriend again. Which i just dont understand cause the only thing that has changed is that we dont live together. Everything else is somewhat the same.
Ive been reading alot of articles and forums and testimonies of other people to try and understand better.
There are times where he just wont speak, he'll look at me, but past me in a way. He will seem distant, and not there when i know 100% he loves me down to my bones. He tells me hes fighting demons that arent there and his mind is not right. he drinks all the time to numb himself, he said he retreats sometimes to a dark hole in his mind to protect himself from feeling hurt. That he does not like to be vulnerable and he even told me he has distanced himself emotionally from me. But he still tells me he loves me, he's still somewhat affectionate just not as much as before. The way he kisses me or looks me, he has to love me.
I just have a hard time with not having control. & right now i have no idea what to do,. i told him i would never give up on him and that i want him to be okay, but i also want him with me. Am i selfish for that? Do i just let this run its course and hope he'll want me back? Am i asking for too much for him to be committed to me, when in reality he's still here?
See what i mean about getting carried away? Sorry if i started rambling, its alot.
Anyone have any advice, words of encouragement; anything?
I'm new to this forum so I'm going to try to explain everything i can, in as little as i can because i tend to get carried away with my writing.
I was dating a military veteran, infantry in the Army with one deployment. we didnt date while he was deployed but we constantly talked, all day long - all night, etc. We were actually starting to get super close, i knew i loved him and then he just shut down. No communication nothing, he actually ended up dating some girl who was on the same base he was, i was heartbroken. They lasted about a month and then they broke up and he came crawling back to me (he was back in the states). Basically saying that he never liked her, and he was just getting so close to me he got scared and left. Well once we talked and he saw how hurt I was he decided I was worth it and we got together. This was november 2016.
Then he was stationed in another state but still close enough to where one of us would always drive to the other for weekends and whenever he had leave. In march we actually broke up because I had hurt his feelings, i'll spare the details, but we ended up back together a month after and as if it never happened. Then we really were p e r f e c t.
Well in august, he got out of the Army and became a civilian. right around that time we moved in together which now looking back wasnt the best idea. He was struggling with finding a job, and finding himself and him not really handling money or the bills correctly caused stress on me, which then had me cause stress on him and vice versa. I could tell something had been off with him but i never actually pinpointed it to his PTSD symptoms.
He would drink himself to sleep, nightmares and night terrors, staring blankly into space, but he was never emotionally distant. Now looking back i feel so stupid for being naive and ignorant and not putting the pieces together, instead I only became frustrated with him. So about 2 1/2 weeks ago it got to be too much and he broke up with me and moved out. But then two days after came back. Not us being back together, but him just being with me. Hanging out with me, telling me he loved me, babe this baby that etc - and so I asked him what we were doing and if we were going to get back together and he just shut down and left again. Then a few days later, back again. It seems to be a push and pull dynamic right now.
He tells me he loves me, he tells me he misses me and needs me and im his safe place but does not want to be my boyfriend again. Which i just dont understand cause the only thing that has changed is that we dont live together. Everything else is somewhat the same.
Ive been reading alot of articles and forums and testimonies of other people to try and understand better.
There are times where he just wont speak, he'll look at me, but past me in a way. He will seem distant, and not there when i know 100% he loves me down to my bones. He tells me hes fighting demons that arent there and his mind is not right. he drinks all the time to numb himself, he said he retreats sometimes to a dark hole in his mind to protect himself from feeling hurt. That he does not like to be vulnerable and he even told me he has distanced himself emotionally from me. But he still tells me he loves me, he's still somewhat affectionate just not as much as before. The way he kisses me or looks me, he has to love me.
I just have a hard time with not having control. & right now i have no idea what to do,. i told him i would never give up on him and that i want him to be okay, but i also want him with me. Am i selfish for that? Do i just let this run its course and hope he'll want me back? Am i asking for too much for him to be committed to me, when in reality he's still here?
See what i mean about getting carried away? Sorry if i started rambling, its alot.
Anyone have any advice, words of encouragement; anything?