General What are they thinking?

Freida

Sponsor
I've answered quite a few questions recently about why people with PTSD ghost and I thought this might be a helpful idea.....

I have an anniversary coming up and I can already tell that sticking around is going to be problematic. I'm thinking that sharing some of my feelings, as they are happening, might give supporters an idea what is going on in a sufferer's head when they suddenly bail. In return, I'm hoping to get a better understanding of what supporters are thinking and feeling when it happens and maybe get some ideas on making life easier for those around me.

You can ask me questions along the way, but I may or may not answer. It will depend on where I'm at in my brain. And I'll say right up front that I may become a defensive beotch trying to explain what I'm thinking so I'll apologize in advance. I'm also kind of hoping other sufferers might join me along the way and offer their thoughts........

So here goes nuthin.....
 

Freida

Sponsor
The only place I ever feel completely safe is in my car. I can escape in my car because its hard to hit a moving target. I can step on the gas and poof! I'm gone. I NEVER let my car get under 1/4 tank of gas and I know exactly how far I can get from there..

Just recently I had a panic attack and started to take off. Hubby asked me if I wanted him to come with me. My response was "Only if you want me to come back." I didn't think of that as a challenge or a threat. I was just stating a fact. I knew I would come back if he was with me. I knew chances were high I would be 500 miles away by the next day if he didn’t. It never crossed my mind he might be upset or miss me if I took off. All I could think of was escaping.

We drove around a bit and he got me calmed down and we went back to the house. In my view – that was that. I didn’t actually bail so there wasn’t an issue. But I’m guessing he now has a glimmer that this round is going to be worse than usual on him as well as me

I want to remember that. But when it comes time to run I don’t know if I will.
 

Snowflakes

MyPTSD Pro
@Freida For me personally, I understand the need to isolate, I have learned here, from @Sweetpea76 , that giving my sufferer time and space is a loving act. That said, all I really need is being told that space is needed, check in once a day so I know she is safe (no conversation required), and tell me when she is “back” so we can continue living. This is not what is happening in my life although we have talked about it when she is not symptomatic but, since you asked, this is what would make my life a bit less stressful.

Thank you for asking
 

B.J.

Policy Enforcement
I want to applaud all of the sufferers here for explaining how an isolate and shut out happens for them. My being a supporter am still learning how to not have my feelings present when dealing with this. My sufferer ended our relationship with an argument and then left me without a word of explanation of his needing to isolate, nor that I wouldn’t hear from him either for a while or forever. I have to explain from a supporters point of view, if we love you and support you as we say we do, this type of hurt is unexplainable. I understand that I shouldn’t take things personally, but it’s hard not to. I can’t believe that someone that claims to love you would be so callus and uncaring. Please understand by no means am I minimizing this type of illness, but I guess I still don’t understand. I’m currently giving space by not contacting him at all; and since he’s blocked me on social media, I can’t contact him there. So I’m saying all of this to say, I’m still completely lost on how to be more supportive and what more I can do? I welcome any nd all advice from sufferers and supporters alike.
 

Friday

Moderator
I never ever, ever in my whole life met any Vet who did let his car get under 1/4 Tank of Gas

:roflmao: I do!

I very deliberately take every car I own down to stopping empty on the side of the road, just to test how far it can actually go. Some cars? Have as much as 5 "extra" gallons in their systems. Other cars? A grinding to a halt before even reaching red. If I'm driving any vehicle for any serious length of time? Damn straight I'm redlining it, and past. Then my mechanic babies it back from "Will you STOP doing this? It's really hard on the engine." // "I know, darlin. That's why I keep you around ;)." His fee? Totally worth my peace of mind.
 

Rain

Policy Enforcement
I NEVER let my car get under 1/4 tank of gas and I know exactly how far I can get from there..

LOL!!:laugh: I am not a vet and I never thought about this before, yet I never allow my gas tank to get below a half a tank.:p:D Having a full tank is comforting to me for some unknown reason. It is reassuring to me to look at the gauge and know that in case of emergency, I may not have the money to refill it so I guess it is a case of better safe than sorry for me. To be prepared for a get away too, I suppose.

What does ghosting mean, I have heard the term, yet I still do not know what it means fully?
 

Sweetpea76

Moderator
but if I say that and then I'm not doesn't it add to the frustration?

Nope... I'd rather get a false start than a WTF. I know he's feeling like a spooked colt ready to bolt. He can change his minds as many times as he wants as long as I know he's safe.

I can’t believe that someone that claims to love you would be so callus and uncaring

Take yourself totally out of the equation... isolation has little to nothing to do with you. It's survival mode. Shut down everything but life support.
 

Rain

Policy Enforcement
Ghosting is when you disappear without a word,

Thank you Eve. Yep I have been guilty of doing that and I feel bad about it because I have just left without a word. Thank you for explaining this to me. I really appreciate this. I have in the past, done this when I feel overwhelmed by a situation with a person that has been seemingly so tangled up and knotted up that no solution presented itself, it was a double bind situation of damned if I do, damned if I didn't so I would just vanish. I never went back too. I do not feel as guilty now as I did knowing the reason for that. But I never did that to my husband except once in a DV situation where I had to call the sheriff and he did go and get help, and I returned home in three months time.

Thank you for this thread.
 
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