At this moment emotionally I’m feeling content and relaxed (which I’m going to cherish because it’s rare) I’m in my safe place (my bedroom). I’m watching one of Gordon Ramsay’s cooking shows. I’m just resting and the temperature is finally comfortable. I do have a little bit of a headache, although I’m pron to headaches but I think this is a mix of dehydration and the amount of pollen that has caked everybody’s cars around my area. I had to pull out my handy inhaler that I haven’t had to use in a while because it’s so bad.
I felt pretty great to day and laughed a lot. I noticed I'm able to laugh more often and not think I'm being fake. When I use to laugh I would get down about it cause it wasn't real but today I'm content with it.
I'm missing family, so I feel a bit sad and lonely. I am also feeling a tad bit overwhelmed by the whole cancer issue and will follow my PCP's advice and suggestions. and I will hopefully see her soon.
I know I'm haven't been to work in 3 days and I never called. I feel like something off but I don't know what it is. I'm worried because I been doing this for a while and sooner or later my job might fire me. I'm sabotaging myself.....
Triggered, blindsided or could have avoided, disappointed and severely depressed. No Easter hope, no anchor, nothing but people consumed with their own wants. Hopeless.
ETA At least I approached it with an open mind. Useless as it was. I think people outside of this site don't get it and couldn't care less. The people here do. I don't belong there. The people here are my people. Thank you.