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What Can I Do To Help My Wife?

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by roaddog, Jan 14, 2007.

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  1. roaddog

    roaddog New Member

    My wife (of almost 4 months now) has ptsd, and she has had it for a few years. I dont want to state the reason why she has ptsd, but she experienced a severely traumatic event about 5 years ago. I didnt realize how severe her ptsd was until we began living together. She gets frustrated at times very easily, and she seems to be depressed a lot.
    My wife doesnt think that she will ever be the same person again, and she told me about two weeks ago that she wished that she could remember how she was. She said that all she could remember is that she was happy. I refuse to believe that she wont ever be that person that she was, again. but I really dont know how to help her. I know she needs to see a therapist, but we cant afford one right now. We are struggling to keep groceries in the house and the lights on. I am our only source of income and Im struggling. I would pay for therapy for her, but we just dont have money to pay $50 an hour.
    Does anybody know of any other way that I can help her personally? I would do anything to help her. I love her more than anything
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  3. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hi Roaddog.... welcome to the forum. A free way to help her is to get her on this forum, and let her help herself, because that is what she must do in order to heal. You cannot directly help her, only she can help herself by doing the hard work to heal her trauma and learn how to manage PTSD. Yes, she can live life once again without all the pain, but it is painful to heal trauma, but worth it for the longevity of life itself.
  4. David66

    David66 New Member

    welcome Roaddog

    I wanted to welcome you, as so many people have been kind in welcoming me.

    I have learned a ton from this forum... The most important thing I have learned is that you need to be ok yourself, before you can even start helping.

    Are you ok, or has the depression, lack of happiness, stress from keeping the lights on compounded things?

    Good luck to you!
  5. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    welcome to the forum, rd. get her here, let her read, when she will.
  6. hannah

    hannah Active Member

    this site is a real gift to you - sorry for your situation but take a deep breath and look after yourself take time to absorb some of the posts on here and I know you will have the help you seek. There are a load of people with experience that they share and we can take and learn from - god bless you and your wife.
  7. FlyLadyFan

    FlyLadyFan Member

    I'm a wife with ptsd ... and I've surfed the net a lot looking for understanding ... and THIS forum is the only place I've found where people truly understand ptsd.

    This forum is a great way to be isolated yet feel understood. Log her on and set her in the chair and pull up a couple of really good threads, then leave her alone with the computer for hours.

    Bless you for your patience, hard work for $$, and empathy for your wife.


  8. wildcritter44

    wildcritter44 Active Member

    :hello: Hi Roaddog,

    You both can have support here. There are areas for your wife (the PTSD sufferer) and for you as the spouse. You will both be able to vent in areas that the other won't be able to read or you can choose to be on the mutual areas. She will get support here, as you are & will continue to.

    Good luck Hugs to both of you....

    D (wildcritter)
  9. Terry

    Terry Well-Known Member

    Welcome RD. I take it you are in the US. If her traumatic event is criminal in nature you may be able to get help thru a victim's assistance program. Check with the prosecutors office where you live. Like everybody else said "your in the right place".
  10. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Welcome! It's nice to see another supporter on here. Do you think your wife would consider coming on the forum also? As her supporter all you can do is support her, you can not help otherwise. Yet, she can help herself and this forum is a great start to the road to healing...

  11. New Mex Apex

    New Mex Apex New Member

    hi Roaddog. I, too, had difficulty financing my psychiatry until I was referred to a psychiatrist who's fees were based on income. The local hospital turned me on to it, so maybe you could ask them if there are any similiar programs where you are.

    Good luck, and bless you for standing by your wife in her time of difficulty. Your support is the foundation on which she can rebuild.
  12. waynes

    waynes Member

    Knowledge is power!!! The internet is the most powerful tool for attaining the knowledge that you need. Start by studying every aspect of this website then googling PTSD. Read everything you can get your eyes on about this, cause you will need it. It will give you hope!!!!!
    First thing you need to know is that when you get help she will get better. You can be part of the solution.
    Second thing you need to know is that she won't be the same.. She will be stronger, if you get help.
    Third, you are fighting ghosts. Things that happened in the past. You can't fix it. You can help her to get through it. If she has to tell you what she feels time after time after time, never tell her to "get over it". It dosen't work that way. To heal from such trauma she has to, in a way desensitze her self to that trauma. She must be allowed to feel free to talk about these horrible events. To do that she must be able to trust you without question.
    Fourth, get ready for the long haul. This healing process is not short. It will take years, but you can see progress right away, when you get some help.

    For myself, if I did not have a deep faith in the healing power of Jesus Christ I would have failed my wife. When I was at my wits end He would bear me up, give me strength, and help me to know what to do next. For me it was the difference between failure and victory. Knee time aint a bad idea.

    Just advice from a Missouri boy,

    anthony likes this.
  13. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Wayne, excellent advice mate. Education is power with PTSD, because only the sufferer themselves can heal themselves, but to do that you must have the knowledge in order to achieve the aim.
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