What do I do?

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
I am freaking out a bit. I have like 20h until I travel, a bit of this evening and a bit of a morning. So really, more like 12 without sleep. I have been super nervous about travelling and I kept putting things off. I was at that point of anxiety where it takes you twice longer to finish stuff and you just don't cope. And it's a long trip (2 or 3 months).
That's how I found myself here. So anxious that I can't breathe, taking long breaks between tasks and barely keeping it together. And there is so much more to do. Mostly cleaning the apartment and packing. Since it's a long trip, I have to finish it all. Even after cutting down tasks there are too many. And my mind is at the state where I'm going between dissociating and doing things in bits and pieces and freaking out more the later it gets. And feeling faint and nauseous and wanting to not exist so I don't have to care.

How do I cope? How do I finish it all? The trip is happening one way or another. And I live alone, so no one to help. And leaving anything until tomorrow is probably worse because chances are I maybe just as anxious.

What do I do? How do I get myself together?
 

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
Can you make a list and just take things one step at a time? Sounds stressful.
Made a list but even the shortened list is too long. It is awfully stressful, yes. I actually... It's only getting worse. So one thing for which I wanted to go in person I might have to skip and call instead. Freeing hour and a half from my morning for packing. Which is sleghtly better cause I don't think it's happening today. Or maybe I'll do what I can of the cleaning and some packing today....

I just have that anxiety feeling, like my bones are jelly and I can't breathe so everything is harder. Need to get through this somehow.
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
Make a shorter list. Even if it is one thing. Get that done. Make another list. It has to be one step at a time. I know I am easily overwhelmed by a large list of things, so I make it small, then add on. Keep your eye on your list, not the deadline. The deadline will come regardless. You can do this. Look around and pick out anything orange and name it. Continue with more colors. That should help with grounding. Sorry I'm so pushy!
 

Friday

Moderator
All you really need are your travel documents and cash, meds and clothes on your back. Everything else? Are things you very much want, but not having them won’t stop you traveling.

So start there. The things you absolutely need to take with you. Then move onto the things you most want to bring with you (toiletries, clothes, keepsakes, valuables). The bags you can carry with you onto the plane/train/boat/car.

Then move onto the next.

Each level you pass? You are even more ready, and have even more done. Rather than a giant list of “everything”, prioritizing makes each stage you pass through even more ready. You are done at each stage. Not at the end. Because you can walk out the door and travel, at each stage.

Now, facts are, you’ll probably be completely packed out & cleaned by the time you walk out the door tomorrow. But? You could shove your papers in your pocket, meds in your bag, and walk out right now. (( Could even ring your closest friend to let them know anything they want from your place is theirs if they can get there before your landlord does. ))

You’re ready to leave, right now.

Everything else that wants doing is bonus, being smart, and being kind.

Priorities.

What do you need?
What do you want most?
What would be smart to accomplish?
What do you want if there’s any possibility of making it happen?
What do you want least, but still actually want?
What would you feel worst about leaving undone / what would be kindest to accomplish?
Et Cetera. Everyone’s priorities are different. Above are just some of mine.

Breathe.

Have fun.

Kick ass.

Bon voyage!!!
 

Starfire

Confident
I am freaking out a bit. I have like 20h until I travel, a bit of this evening and a bit of a morning. So really, more like 12 without sleep. I have been super nervous about travelling and I kept putting things off. I was at that point of anxiety where it takes you twice longer to finish stuff and you just don't cope. And it's a long trip (2 or 3 months).
That's how I found myself here. So anxious that I can't breathe, taking long breaks between tasks and barely keeping it together. And there is so much more to do. Mostly cleaning the apartment and packing. Since it's a long trip, I have to finish it all. Even after cutting down tasks there are too many. And my mind is at the state where I'm going between dissociating and doing things in bits and pieces and freaking out more the later it gets. And feeling faint and nauseous and wanting to not exist so I don't have to care.

How do I cope? How do I finish it all? The trip is happening one way or another. And I live alone, so no one to help. And leaving anything until tomorrow is probably worse because chances are I maybe just as anxious.

What do I do? How do I get myself together?
I do what * needs to be done next*. It takes me as long to make a list as to do it. Obviously, I think, packing comes first. So I think shoes, then..... Accomplishing something helps me calm down. So as I see the luggage fill up I think about how much fun the trip will be. Since you live alone, undone housework isn't going to bother anyone. I find having a clean bed is the only thing I want when I get home anyway. Hope you have a great trip.
 

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
Hi everyone!

@DharmaGirl I wanted to say, what you said didn't come off pushy at all, just came as good advice. Thank you!

@Friday That I think is the best travel advice I've ever been given. Preparing for a trip is always anxious for me. Preparing for 1-3 month relocation, of course is worse. Using the thought that I need to start from the more important things and work from that was useful was great advice. Especially the thought that all I actually need is documents, medication and keys. It wasn't a perfect process, but reframing the situation like that really helped. Saving that advice for future travels.

I made few cuts. I didn't clean perfectly. I also literally chose to throw out few dishes so I don't have to wash them. That is the amount of anxious I was. Sometimes you have to make some cuts to the plan to adapt- and these dishes were mine. There is some cleaning I didn't do, but at least made sure the apartment looks semi okay and all that can is unplugged and all food that can spoil is thrown away. Also made my life easier, instead of using cleaning products with counters, used these wet wipes for cleaning I have, which already have product in them. Best purchase I've made, they helped a lot in cleaning fast. I still want to do deep cleaning, but it will have to be when I get back.

Anyway, somehow, non- perfectly, things got together. Apartment was semi-presentable, all was packed. Then my friend who's driving me came and we had an awesome roadtrip with her getting me to my country, and also getting to see it for a first time. I haven't been social much the last year when super anxious and hypervigilant. Lately I've had a lot more space in me again, for socialising. And it was great. Taking first ever for me roadtrip with a new friend, adapting to challenges on the road, getting to know more of her. Really enjoyed that break from all the anxiety. Travel this summer wasn't planned, neither was relocation. But if I have to do it I am doing it right. I will try being a tourist again this summer. Since I am home, trying to spend some time in nature, seeing again some of our museums, landmarks. Experiencing things. Saying healthy, active, positive. It's not ideal situation, but. if I'm in it I will try to make the best of it.
 
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