What does Closure mean?

[Lost in the Woods]

I hear the word closure used a lot but I am not sure I understand the idea. I understand that as we deal with our trauma our view of it evolves, anger can turn into forgiveness or acceptance or murderous rage. But closure to me implies some sort of endpoint. Do our views on our trauma ever stop evolving? Is there really an endpoint as the word closure implies?

 

[Roland]

Would love to know what others think as well... I think it's an illusion for a lot of us. A good amount of us on this forum have experienced such unspeakable betrayals that nothing could set it right. If closure does exist... A lot of us never see it.

 

[Rose White]

I think it means that when thoughts or ideas related to the events arise you typically have a neutral reaction or absence of heightened emotion. Sort of like a remission. It’s possible that you could get triggered again but you haven’t been for a long enough time that it feels like it doesn’t affect you in a way that registers as “pay attention now”.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

To me, it means understanding why all what happened did, so I can put it and the shame to bed… more realistically, it would be being at peace with the things I can never have answered. For me.
From a trauma perspective, anyway.

 

[shimmerz]

Closure - being in a place where shame/guilt/self-loathing is replaced by a drive and ability to practice self-love, self-compassion, self-care practices so that one can lead a purposeful and self-directed life.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

For many years I rarely thought about what happened to me. I never told anyone not because I was hiding it, the thought of telling someone never arose. Now that I am aware of my PTSD I look back over the last 25 years and I can see the symptoms arising in my early 40s and increasing thereafter. During that period my symptoms were thought to be related to a genetic brain condition, spinocerebellar ataxia type 8 that I was diagnosed with in 2001. Before my symptoms did I have closure? I went decades before I realized that big chunks of my childhood were blacked out from my memory. I still remember the instant I realized something was missing. I was in my 30s hanging out with some friends and we were joking around about silly things our families did. Someone asked me how my family had dinner on a typical night. I couldn’t answer the question, I still can’t. I think closure is an illusion we tell ourselves about when we are too tired to keep fighting the battle and believe we have arrived at a place of acceptance. I also think it is a bit like a layer of an onion. We arrive at an understanding or explanation of one layer and think we have arrived being unaware of the many more layers waiting to taunt us. Maybe the concept of closure is just an illusion, an excuse to not go further. For decades I thought of myself as the luckiest guy I knew since I skated through that stuff unscathed. Then one day I became aware how wrong I was on that and that the damaged was to every part of my being. Now I suspect the only real closure is when brain activity ceases. Until then it is always there but we learn tools to deal with it to varying degrees.

 

[scout86]

Now I suspect the only real closure is when brain activity ceases. Until then it is always there but we learn tools to deal with it to varying degrees.

I think there are a lot of ways of looking at the idea of closure. The word does suggest something of an end. For me, in this context, I think it means the point where you're satisfied that you understand the past and are able to concentrate on deal with the future. In the process of getting PTSD, you acquire wounds and scars and maybe some defects too. Those are ours to deal with, regardless of the past. For me, I think "closure" is where I can see the past as "Past" and just go forward and deal with the consequences the best way I can. One of the cool things about being alive is there's always more we can learn.

 

[thetattoolady]

I think of closure in comparison to various situations . Like…a break-up where you feel like you need to know ‘why’. Or parents of a missing child who are tormented by not knowing what happened and/or who took them and if their child is still alive.

I think it’s the relief from the torment of not knowing or understanding something or actively feeling injustice, or self-blame. So I guess it would be different for everyone. For some it could be a genuine apology (from a parent who failed). For others it could be finally finding out what happened to their missing child and that there was nothing they could have done differently (it wasn’t their fault). For me it could be seeing my violators being held accountable for what they did to me (whether by the law -or- by people who love me).

 

[Movingforward10]

Closure - being in a place where shame/guilt/self-loathing is replaced by a drive and ability to practice self-love, self-compassion, self-care practices so that one can lead a purposeful and self-directed life.

This ^^.
For me, closure means making peace with it.
I had thought closure came from justice or someone taking responsibility etc. but, I never had that.
So, it came from me making peace with what happened, it being part of who I am.

Like everything, it isn't though a final destination. Sometimes it is more easy to be at peace with it than at other times. Which is hugely annoying.

But it's an internal acceptance that gives closure.

 

[thetattoolady]

This ^^.
For me, closure means making peace with it.
I had thought closure came from justice or someone taking responsibility etc. but, I never had that.
So, it came from me making peace with what happened, it being part of who I am.

Like everything, it isn't though a final destination. Sometimes it is more easy to be at peace with it than at other times. Which is hugely annoying.

But it's an internal acceptance that gives closure.

I agree with this. Making peace with it would be the most definitive answer. But the things we all feel like we need in order for that to happen will vary.

In your case, you say you didn’t get what you thought you needed but were able to make peace with it anyway. But at the same time you say sometimes it’s easier to be at peace than others. That [to me] doesn’t sound like true closure. It sounds more like acceptance that there would be no closure.

I think had you got what you needed (some form of justice ), it WOULD have helped . And I hope that one day you find out that your violators paid for what they did (even if it were in ways not directly related to your situation).

I don’t actively wish bad on anyone, but I believe that ‘God don’t like ugly’ / karma / whatever you want to call it…they all have to pay (SOMEHOW)! Growing old and alone, slow painful death, loss of their own, etc.

Ok, didn’t mean for that to be a rant. I’m gonna sign off because I get upset and start wanting to cast all violators to the fires of hell. Sorry and I’m glad you have made peace with your situation.

 

[Ecdysis]

I'm a big fan of closure and seek it actively, where I can. However, I would usually only apply it to more or less "single incident" things, like a breakup or loss of a job or loss of a friendship... Stuff like that.

I'm not sure I'd really use the word closure in the context of trauma... At least, not "capital T" trauma and not for C-PTSD... I think it's possible to gain acceptance and make peace with those things... Even if the road is long and it seems impossible... I know I've literally stood at that point and been 99.999% certain that I will not "get over" or "move beyond" the way my trauma has impacted me... Feeling certain that it would impact me that way for ever... But can definitely say that, say 10 years later, with lots of therapy and other support, that certainly did change... Still feels miraculous to me...

Currently, I'm dealing with adult trauma that occurred in 2016 and in the same loop again of "this will never, ever get better"... And yet it already has, by tiny degrees... It's not quite as bad as it was initially... And although I still don't *feel* that the rest of it will lift or change or go away... I know from the experience of working through childhood trauma that what seems impossible can, in fact, be very much possible. And I've heard the same from lots of friends and accquaintances with trauma...

Having said that, I'm personally not sure whether "closure" is a helpful word for major or complex trauma...

ETA: Personally, I think trauma that goes "dormant" or "silent" for many decades... You can't count those decades of not being aware of it as part of the healing process... I'd start counting "how long it takes" from the point where you actually enter a decent trauma therapy...

 

[arfie]

i have never thou?ght to ply closure to anything from the past. i reserve it for current events. is we friends or is we ain't? how much is the latest mechanical breakdown going to cost me? whatever the answer, the answer will bring closure to the question. let the acceptance and processing begin.