I will go against the grain here and make few observations:
How you can do trauma processing? One thing most therapists should look (but most do not look is) how functional are you OUTSIDE of therapy. If you are for example, working, can develop relationship (decent enough a friend, or a partner or colleagues), can maintain a job where you can easily pay the services (insurance or out of pocket), you can do trauma. Why? cause you have some compensation abilities that make you function despite of what happened to you. Your reality in the reality of outside of therapy is you have some coping skills and can do trauma therapy.
Now of course most therapists follow their own regiment (wrong or right) and may assess you about your inner world and say hmm your ego is weak and you may be a risk of breaking down and may try to slow down the process - however, imho, and very narrow experience, I think a good therapist will say so in a way to educate you not to confuse you or invalidate you.
I have had 3 therapists that I dumped precisely because they made those choices for me. My current therapist made very clear the following things: we will do trauma, educational, and supportive. What they may look like clinically: you (me) lead the trauma things. Therapist leads the educational depending all spontaneously each session is itself, and supportive when I need after trauma talk/process...
Now I got that piece out (probably more about me and my life than yours) but to share where I am coming from.
"ready to really get into the trauma stuff".
Now back to you: You do not need to answer to me but this may help you make sense what she said> how are you in your real life - stability wise? have you had self harm or suicide ideation or such in the past that may give the indication of your coping skills? do you have certain (critically judged) diagnosis in the past?are you safe outside of therapy or are you still in deep relationships with those that hurt you? there are million other things you shared that may cause the therapist to be so direct - though again - they need to explain this rather than acting as omniscient?
Again all these do not mean shit to a great therapist, but fairly new, therapists who are seeking easy existential clients, we are not as client often right for them either! just saying.
She mentioned that the fact that I haven't spoken to my boyfriend about my trauma could be a sign that I'm not ready, but we have only been dating for a month so that seems like an unfair analysis to me.
This latter part - and I have seen few others saying similar things - to me it seems when a therapist tries to "outsource" the thing of therapy to outside people - they are communicating something very serious such as issues of abandonment or dependence and they are trying to create, albeit stupidly, that they cannot be there for you and want you to have outside support system. This latter is in opinion more problematic and no therapist worth a penny should utilize. A decent therapist needs to be more forth coming issues of abandonment and dependency with the client. but again, I do not want to fly off with this but it seems your intuitions are not wrong but perhaps the best you can do is just ask for clarification in such that you are confused about this - and maybe all my writing is grit paranoia.
sorry about some of the spelling and sentence structures.
