What helps you feel safe, comforted and in control?

Teasel

MyPTSD Pro
T set me homework to think about this and I just don't know. Wondered what if anything helps you all with these things? Thanks

(I know quite a few will say there's no such thing as safety which I get)

Safe - living alone, being able to shut my own front door.

Comforted I can think of more things - an expression of compassion, from self or others
Slowing down
Doing things mundfully

What helps me feel in control - cleaning the kitchen.
Listing what needs doing and starting
Planning / finding exit strategies
 

Friday

Moderator
Feeling Safe

- Building UP self confidence, joy, passion, and delight, pride, self worth. Everything that is f*cking amazing in me/my life…or could be. Whether it exists now, or not. Who I am. Who I want to be. The abilities I have. The abilities I want. (Very much an ongoing process. If it’s not something I’m deliberately building up, but simply have? It helps not at all with feeling safe.)

- Trusting myself. My own limits, decisions, & judgement. Knowing my own heart and mind. Which can change. And for durn good reason.

- Skills
- Creativity.
- Competence
- Clean clear lines of sight & knowing the exits, both conventional & otherwise.
- Amazing / Life Affirming Sex
- Appropriate Clothing & Kit // Desired kit & clothing
- Knowing where everything I need/want (or might need/want) is.And how to go about getting it.
- A strong/fit body (Or more explicitly? Mens Sana In Copore Sano. A healthy mind in a healthy body.)
- Persistent Beauty (Moments of beauty make me feel as if everything is about to go horribly, horribly wrong.)
- Chaos & Danger. (I’m wired weird).


Feeling Comforted

- Being held
- Going on an adventure // Coming home from an adventure
- Hot Water & Soap
- Swimming
- Horses
- Painkillers
- Simpatico // Mutual Understanding

Feeling In Control

- The ability to act as I choose
 
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Safe- peace, trustworthy people/ person present, absence of drinking or fighting/ emotional dysregulation/ anger. Having energy. Large dog if walking or home alone. Being on my own and nothing dangerous occurring. Locks. Less stress. Laughter. Gratitude. Peaceful time to myself.

Comfort- being understood, support, laughter, being on my own when it's peaceful. Prayer. Nature especially when there's less bugs. The beach. Peaceful sleep. Genuine hugs. Staying connected. Helping someone feel better. Someone helping me feel better. When I can tell the truth.

Control- peaceful environment, keeping up with responsibilities, having employment, not feeling sick, knowing what to expect, expectations laid out by others. Having enough money for needs, repairs or unexpected stressors. Acknowledging God is God and I'm not, so support, less depression. Having resources, human, animal or monetary (I guess that applies to all 3).

Can't quite get the words I want exactly but it is a Great thread @Teasel ! 🤗
 

prynne

Confident
Wrapping myself up in a blanket and hugging a stuffed animal
Wearing clothes that are too big
Locking my door
Being alone (or if I’m around someone else, believing that I could defend myself from them if they tried to hurt me)
Being shown physical affection by my partner, being held
Being able to make my own decisions, being in control
Being able to drive
Being in nature
Making a plan. Trying to predict what might happen and deciding what I will do if different things happen
When everything goes according to my plan
Sitting/standing with my back to the wall
Quiet
Having my own money
Locking myself in the closet. Maybe a little weird but it’s a habit from childhood when even my bedroom felt too big to be completely under my control

I think it’s interesting that the thing that makes me feel most comforted, affection from other people, is also what makes me feel most out of control. It seems like no matter how long I’ve known someone, I still believe that they might decide to hurt me at any moment
 

caroline_13

Confident
Safe
What is that ? For me it's only something someone can give to me. I can't built it myself.

Comforted
Fictional world mostly. Feeling understood. Music

In control
When things happen the way I predicted it

A very long way before me before reaching this points for me
Some of the things in my list are points I have yet to reach, or things I don't have right now ;blank;

Wrapping myself up in a blanket and hugging a stuffed animal
Wearing clothes that are too big
Locking my door
Being alone (or if I’m around someone else, believing that I could defend myself from them if they tried to hurt me)
Being shown physical affection by my partner, being held
Being able to make my own decisions, being in control
Being able to drive
Being in nature
Making a plan. Trying to predict what might happen and deciding what I will do if different things happen
When everything goes according to my plan
Sitting/standing with my back to the wall
Quiet
Having my own money
Locking myself in the closet. Maybe a little weird but it’s a habit from childhood when even my bedroom felt too big to be completely under my control

I think it’s interesting that the thing that makes me feel most comforted, affection from other people, is also what makes me feel most out of control. It seems like no matter how long I’ve known someone, I still believe that they might decide to hurt me at any moment
Thank you for your list, just reading it helps me. I also do/love everything on your list!!
 

vleon

Learning
 Safe
I feel safe when I'm in my room early on a Saturday and Sunday morning. I think it's the feeling that everyone else is asleep and that the world around me is a less hostile place. I can give myself a break. No one is there to judge and belittle me.

Laying in my bed watching a good movie after a productive day makes me feel safe as well.

Comforted
I feel comforted when I accept that my childhood trauma still affects me to this day, that it's understandable that I'm not a successful as I wish I were in various areas of life.

In control
I feel in control when I set up realistic goals for the day and manage to achieve most of them. I also feel in control after a workout at the gym.
 

helbredelse

New Here
Safe
This is a tough one for me. I am currently working on it. Recently, my fiancé (also my best friend) broke up with me in one of the worst ways possible for me which triggered me badly (understatement). He regrets what he did and says he didn't mean for that to happen. While I understand it, the damage has been done and I'm left picking up the pieces. Before that happened, I had felt so very safe with him for many years (ten). So now I'm trying to find my own "safe" and it's been difficult.

Currently, I feel safe with I go to my weekly support group meetings (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families). I feel safe when I wear my oversized fuzzy jacket. I also feel safer when I make sure all the doors and windows are locked. That no one can easily get in the house now that I'm alone with my children. I try to meditate daily and tell myself that I am safe, I am not alone, and that I am loved.

Comforted
I feel comforted in knowing that I am not alone. This site and my group meetings help with that. I feel comforted when I meditate with music that deeply resonates with me. I feel comforted when I can smell and drink my favorite tea (jasmine). I feel comfort in hugs from my former fiancé at the times we're able to talk about what happened in a healthy manner. We are trying to be friends. I don't know if we can be considering what happened but I do feel some comfort in that I'm starting to accept we may never be friends again. It's hard but I need to do what is good for me and he may no longer be good for me.

In Control
I feel in control when I can let myself feel my emotions and cope with them in a healthy way by talking to my inner family when they are hurting, journaling, talking to others who have been through something similar. I feel in control when I can discuss and communicate how I'm feeling in a healthy manner instead of lashing out in anger or when I'm badly triggered. I feel in control when I can recognize when I'm triggered from past trauma, especially since it feels all jumbled up at times - current events mixed in with past trauma, and deal with it better than I used to. I'm a work in progress and that is okay.
 

caroline_13

Confident
 Safe
I feel safe when I'm in my room early on a Saturday and Sunday morning. I think it's the feeling that everyone else is asleep and that the world around me is a less hostile place. I can give myself a break. No one is there to judge and belittle me.

Laying in my bed watching a good movie after a productive day makes me feel safe as well.

Comforted
I feel comforted when I accept that my childhood trauma still affects me to this day, that it's understandable that I'm not a successful as I wish I were in various areas of life.

In control
I feel in control when I set up realistic goals for the day and manage to achieve most of them. I also feel in control after a workout at the gym.
Yes! All of this is good.
 
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