What helps you make really difficult decisions?

shimmerz

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @Teasel For me there are a number of things.

1. I need to know whether I am conflicted at all about it. Does part of me want to do it and another part not? If so, I would go to a trusted friend to try to work out the conflict.
2. Is there an answer that is in my best interests and I still can't make the decision? I have to ask myself why I would hesitate in choosing the thing that is best for me and work through that. Again it can be with someone trusted.
3. Is anxiety getting to me and I am overthinking - trying to figure out every possible scenario - causing a freeze?
4. Use my gut feelings - which were missing for a very long time and I am just getting back in touch with them.
5. Is one or the other breaching who I want to be as a person? Don't choose that one.

That's all I can think of. I am sure there is more I just can't think of it right now.
 

Teasel

MyPTSD Pro
need to know whether I am conflicted at all about it. Does part of me want to do it and another part not? If so, I would go to a trusted friend to try to work out the conflict.
Thanks so much. Very helpful, I shall answer as best I can.

Conflicted yes. There is no one at all to talk to about it, including here.
Is there an answer that is in my best interests and I still can't make the decision? I have to ask myself why I would hesitate in choosing the thing that is best for me and work through that. Again it can be with someone trusted.
There is no clear choice that is in my best interests. If there was, I would not hesitate in choosing it. There are unknowns, very difficult limitations, and little to no prospect of support.
Is anxiety getting to me and I am overthinking - trying to figure out every possible scenario - causing a freeze?
Anxiety is defo a problem. Freezing too.
There is a little overthinking. Avoidance is more of an issue than overthinking.
I feel pretty frightened, there is a bit of feeling helpless to overcome this which is definitely not only pessimism. There are real difficulties.
Use my gut feelings - which were missing for a very long time and I am just getting back in touch with them.
Gut has been saying go a certain way for some years. That was before everyone I know dropped me, before I found out I am autistic with adhd with a demand avoidant profile and have likely been in autistic burnout for decades. all which have deeply shaken my belief in my ability to make a new life.
Is one or the other breaching who I want to be as a person? Don't choose that one.
Understand. The alternative is terrifying to me.
 

Freida

MyPTSD Pro
I make a list of pros and cons -- and let my imagination run wild while I do it.
As in:
Pro - I will become president of the world
Con- I will end up living in a box under a bridge and sharing it with 6 other people, 4 dogs and a ferret. (why a ferret? I have no idea - but it's in there so I write it down.)

Then I can go back and cross off the totally unreal stuff, which helps me focus on what is around the decision I want to make a bit more rationally
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
I find this stuff difficult as well. The overthinking squirrels have a chance to go nuts.

I was talking to my mom about it at Easter. When I was in school, I had to distract myself to study. HAD TOO. If I didn't the overthinking squirrels would go nuts and I couldn't focus at all, except on what would happen when I didn't get through my homework - again.

So I would find a distraction or two (go to a cafe, a public place with people, whatever.) Get a tea, and write out your for and against list as it comes to you. As you do it will come to you.
 

Lumos

MyPTSD Pro
My therapist actually helped me with something I'd been struggling to make a decision about last week. She used this chart. It mentions drugs/alcohol but it can be applied to all sorts of things (mines was regarding whether or not to get back in touch with someone from my past). When we filled it in, there were more benefits for not contacting and more cons of contacting! https://motivationalinterviewing.org/sites/default/files/decisionalbalance.pdf
 

Rosebud

Not Active
@Teasel I've been watching this thread, because like you I had a pblm, taking a 2nd job but much more complicated than that in terms of possible(?) repercissions, but I too had no one to ask or tell. I know I'm more than an adult, but I knew I was so tired, triggered, couldn't think clearly. I wish I had @Chris-duck 's advice before I said yes (because I didn't know how I could say no). And now I am trapped, really. Start friday. I would recommend go out on a limb and tell or ask someone you respect who understands you for their viewpoint (or on here), or imagine how you'd feel based on what you'd choose.

Hugs to you. 🫂
 

Teasel

MyPTSD Pro
Thanks all, thanks @Lumos For the chart, given it a go. I shall try one way, take things a day at a time.

Thanks @Rosebud crossposted. I'm really sorry you're trapped. Not having someone to talk things out with is hard for sure. Can't you change your mind?
 
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