What if you have damaged your life beyond repair?

[SeekingAfrica]

What do you do if your whole life feels like a crisis?
What if you have screwed up badly in many areas or in way you can't repair or both?
How do you change your life then?

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

What do you do if your whole life feels like a crisis?
What if you have screwed up badly in many areas or in way you can't repair or both?
How do you change your life then?

@SeekingAfrica, I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling like your whole life is in crisis. It sounds incredibly overwhelming, and I want you to know that you're not alone. Let's try to break it down and see if we can find a starting point.

When you feel like you've screwed up badly in multiple areas and are unable to repair the damage, it can feel hopeless. However, it's important to remember that we all make mistakes, and it's never too late to work towards change and growth.

To begin changing your life, it can be helpful to start by taking stock of the things that are within your control. Are there any small steps you can take right now to begin repairing or improving specific areas? It might also be useful to identify any patterns or habits that may have contributed to these difficulties and consider how you can address them.

Additionally, seeking support from trusted friends, family, or professionals can provide guidance and help you navigate these challenges. Is there anyone in your life you feel comfortable confiding in or reaching out to for support?

Remember to be patient and kind to yourself during this process. Healing and change take time, and it's important to prioritize self-care along the way. What are some self-care practices or activities that bring you comfort or peace?

Finally, it might be a good idea to explore therapy options. Talking to a professional can provide additional tools and perspectives to support you on your journey. If you're interested, I can provide you with some resources to help you find a suitable therapist in your area.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Let's try to break it down and see if we can find a starting point.

How do we do that?

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

How do we do that?

To break down your situation and find a starting point, it can help to take a step back and analyze the different areas of your life that feel like a crisis. Here's a suggested approach:

1. Identify the areas of your life that are causing distress: Take some time to reflect on the specific aspects that feel overwhelming or that you believe you've screwed up. Consider relationships, work or school, personal goals, physical health, and mental well-being. Write down or mentally note these areas.

2. Prioritize the areas that need immediate attention: Once you have identified the different areas, determine which ones are causing the most distress or are having the biggest impact on your overall well-being. By prioritizing these areas, you can focus your energy and resources on addressing them first.

3. Break down the problems into smaller parts: Take each area and break it down into smaller, more manageable components. For example, if one area is relationships, you can identify specific issues within that area, such as communication problems, trust issues, or conflicts with a particular person. By breaking it down, you can tackle each component one at a time.

4. Determine what steps can be taken: For each smaller component, brainstorm potential steps or actions that could help address the issue. Focus on realistic and achievable steps that you can take. Remember that progress is made through small steps, so start with something feasible.

5. Seek support: Don't hesitate to reach out for support from trusted individuals in your life, such as friends, family, or a therapist. They can offer guidance, insight, and encouragement as you navigate through these challenges.

Remember, change takes time, so be patient and kind to yourself throughout the process. You might encounter setbacks along the way, but keep going and celebrate small victories. Let me know if you need any further assistance or want to explore any particular area of your life in more depth.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Consider relationships, work or school, personal goals, physical health, and mental well-being.

Are those all the areas I should assess?
What if I am too anxious to even be able to look at them objectively?

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

Are those all the areas I should assess?
What if I am too anxious to even be able to look at them objectively?

@SeekingAfrica, those are some common areas to consider, but it's important to note that everyone's life is unique, and different areas may have different levels of significance for you personally. If there are other areas of your life that feel important to assess, please feel free to share them.

I understand that anxiety can make it challenging to take an objective view of your life. Anxiety can cloud our judgment and make it difficult to see things clearly. In such cases, it can be helpful to seek support from a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and tools to help manage anxiety and create a clearer perspective.

In the meantime, I encourage you to engage in self-care activities that promote relaxation and stress reduction. This could include deep breathing exercises, mindfulness or meditation practices, engaging in hobbies or activities that bring you joy, or seeking support from friends or family who can provide a calming presence.

Remember, it's okay to take things one step at a time and not try to tackle everything at once. Starting with small, manageable steps can help reduce anxiety and build momentum towards positive change. Is there a particular area of your life that feels more manageable or that you would like to explore further?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

mindfulness or meditation practices, engaging in hobbies or activities that bring you joy,

What mindfulness practices are there, besides meditation or yoga?
Are there a list of hobbies you can recommend? I draw and dance ballet, sometimes write poetry or journal but it seems I can use something new maybe.

Is there a particular area of your life that feels more manageable or that you would like to explore further?

It feels like finances and work would be the area that would impact the most things in my life.
However, it also feels like the most stressful to consider.

I have made several side work plus applying for new main work plans, but always get too overwhelmed at the execution stage.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

What mindfulness practices are there, besides meditation or yoga?
Are there a list of hobbies you can recommend? I draw and dance ballet, sometimes write poetry or journal but it seems I can use something new maybe.

Absolutely! Mindfulness can be practiced in various ways besides traditional meditation or yoga. Here are a few mindfulness practices you can try:

1. Mindful Walking: Take a stroll outside and bring your attention to the sensation of each step, the feeling of your feet touching the ground, and the sounds and sights around you. Notice the rhythm of your breathing as you walk.

2. Body Scan: Lie down or sit comfortably and bring your attention to different parts of your body, starting from your toes and moving up to your head. Notice any sensations or areas of tension, without judgment, and simply observe and release any tension you may feel.

3. Engaging the Senses: Choose an everyday activity such as eating a meal, drinking a cup of tea or coffee, or taking a shower, and engage your senses fully in the experience. Notice the flavors, smells, textures, and sounds, bringing your attention fully to the present moment.

4. Mindful Breathing: Paying attention to your breath can be done anywhere and anytime. Take a few moments to focus on your breath—feeling the coolness as you inhale and the warmth as you exhale. Allow your breath to anchor you in the present moment.

As for hobbies, it's great that you already have some creative outlets like drawing, ballet, and writing poetry or journaling. Here are a few additional hobby ideas you can consider:

1. Painting or other visual arts
2. Photography
3. Cooking or baking
4. Gardening or indoor plants
5. Playing a musical instrument
6. Learning a new language or musical instrument
7. Hiking or nature walks
8. Mindful coloring or adult coloring books

Remember, the key is to engage in activities that bring you joy and allow you to be fully present in the moment. Is there any particular activity that stands out to you or interests you?

It feels like finances and work would be the area that would impact the most things in my life.
However, it also feels like the most stressful to consider.

I have made several side work plus applying for new main work plans, but always get too overwhelmed at the execution stage.

I understand that finances and work can be significant sources of stress and can affect various areas of your life. It's commendable that you've been proactive in exploring side work and looking for new main work opportunities. However, feeling overwhelmed during the execution stage is a common challenge.

Let's see if we can break it down and find strategies to help manage the overwhelm:

1. Prioritize: Identify the most urgent and important tasks related to your finances and work. Focus on those first, as this can help alleviate some of the overwhelm. Breaking down larger tasks into smaller, actionable steps can make them feel more manageable.

2. Create a schedule or plan: Establish a realistic and structured routine that includes time for work-related tasks, breaks, and self-care. Breaking down tasks into specific time blocks can help you stay organized and reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed.

3. Seek support and resources: Consider reaching out for advice or assistance from trusted individuals, such as mentors or career counselors, who can provide guidance on job applications or financial management strategies. You can also explore online resources for financial planning or productivity tips.

4. Practice self-care: It's crucial to prioritize self-care, especially during times of stress. Engage in activities that help you relax and recharge, such as hobbies, exercise, spending time in nature, or practicing mindfulness. Taking care of your well-being can improve your ability to manage stress and stay focused.

5. Break tasks into smaller steps: If certain tasks feel overwhelming, try breaking them down into smaller, achievable steps. Celebrate each small accomplishment along the way, as it can help build momentum and motivation.

Remember, it's essential to be patient with yourself as you work through these challenges. Failure to execute tasks doesn't define your worth or potential. If you find yourself struggling excessively and the overwhelm persists, it may be beneficial to seek support from a professional, such as a career counselor or therapist, who can provide additional guidance and tools.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

6. Learning a new language or musical instrument
7. Hiking or nature walks
8. Mindful coloring or adult coloring books

Language learning, hiking and coloring stand out.
However hiking requires time I don't really have because of the commute to such places. My neighbourhood is pretty green, so I can make small walks around to start.

I've been studying Spanish few times a week on Duolingo for literally 5min a day, but maybe I can leave some extra time for it. It would be cool to watch things in a third language (English is my second) and understand them.

Coloring I only have 1 book to start, but I might try.

Identify the most urgent and important tasks

What if I'm behind on achieving those? How can I ever even catch up? Am I bound to spend my life in poverty like I was born in?

Create a schedule or plan: Establish a realistic and structured routine that includes time for work-related tasks, breaks, and self-care

How do I allow time for breaks if I'm behind? Or how do I work if too anxious?
I feel stuck.

such as mentors or career counselors, who can provide guidance on job applications or financial management strategies

Is there any way one can get a temporary career or financial counseling for free? I am not in the US so something online would be preferrable.
Is there anywhere online or do I have to seek that locally?

If certain tasks feel overwhelming, try breaking them down into smaller, achievable steps. Celebrate each small accomplishment along the way, as it can help build momentum and motivation.

What about when I'm behind?
How do I celebrate if I am wrecked with guilt?

Failure to execute tasks doesn't define your worth or potential

It really feels like it does right now.
What can I do to work on self-worth?

Sorry for the many questions.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Did I ask too many questions at once?

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

Did I ask too many questions at once?

No, you haven't asked too many questions at once. I'm here to support you and provide guidance, so feel free to ask as many questions as you need. It's important to have all the information and support you need to work through your challenges.

Now, let's address your concern about self-worth. Building self-worth is a journey that takes time and effort. Here are some strategies that may help:

1. Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would treat a close friend. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and experiences setbacks. Offer yourself words of encouragement and self-support instead of harsh criticism.

2. Challenge negative self-talk: Pay attention to the negative thoughts or beliefs you may have about yourself. Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself if they are realistic or if there is evidence to support them. Replace negative self-talk with more positive and realistic statements.

3. Focus on your strengths: Recognize and celebrate your strengths, skills, and achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Reflect on your past successes and remind yourself of the things you are capable of. By acknowledging your strengths, you can build confidence and a greater sense of self-worth.

4. Set realistic goals: Break down your tasks and goals into smaller, manageable steps. As you achieve these smaller goals, it can increase your sense of accomplishment and boost your self-worth. Celebrate each milestone, no matter how small, and acknowledge your progress along the way.

5. Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can provide additional guidance and support. They can offer a different perspective, help challenge negative self-perceptions, and provide encouragement during difficult times.

Remember, building self-worth is a process, and it takes time and effort. Be patient and kind to yourself, and don't hesitate to ask for help when needed.

Is there anything else you'd like to discuss or any other questions you have?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

What do you do when feeling hopeless and out of options?