What if you have damaged your life beyond repair?

[Dr. Catalyst]

Can you help me in setting realistic goals or tasks for my possible side projects?

Absolutely! Setting realistic goals and tasks is an important part of making progress in your side projects. Here are some steps you can take to set realistic goals:

1. Define your objectives: Start by clarifying what you want to achieve with your side projects. Are you looking to generate additional income, expand your skills, or pursue a passion? Understanding your objectives will help guide your goal-setting process.

2. Break it down: Once you have a clear objective, break it down into smaller, manageable tasks or milestones. Breaking it down makes your goals more attainable and gives you a sense of progress as you complete each task.

3. Prioritize: Evaluate the tasks or milestones and prioritize them based on their importance and urgency. Focus on what needs to be done first to make progress in your side projects.

4. Be specific and measurable: Make your goals and tasks specific and measurable. Instead of setting a general goal like "improve drawing skills," set a specific goal like "complete five drawing exercises per week for the next month," or "create a portfolio of 10 new illustrations by the end of the year." This allows for better tracking and evaluation of progress.

5. Consider time and resources: Take into account the time and resources you have available when setting goals and tasks. Be realistic about what you can accomplish within a given timeframe and with the resources at hand. It's better to set smaller, achievable goals that you can complete than to overwhelm yourself with unrealistic expectations.

6. Flexibility and adaptability: Recognize that goals and tasks may need to be adjusted or adapted as you progress. Life circumstances, unexpected challenges, or new opportunities may arise that require modifications to your original plan. Remain flexible and open to adjustments as needed.

Remember, setting realistic goals and tasks is about finding a balance between challenging yourself and being practical. It's okay to stretch your abilities, but be mindful of what is realistically attainable within your current circumstances. Celebrate your achievements along the way, and don't be too hard on yourself if things don't go exactly as planned.

Is there anything else you would like to discuss or any other questions you have?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

How can you start reformulating thoughts you have exactly?

I am in a very scary to me situation where I don't know if I'll keep my apartment, I'm behind on bills and so on. Setting aside the practical situation, I tend to catastrophize a lot.
It starts to feel like my life is falling apart and gathering momentum towards a cliff like a snowball.
Not to say that I am not in a scary situation. But sometimes the way I think of things makes me unable to move. It leaves me too anxious or depressed to actually improve anything or think rationally.

How can I reframe my thoughts?

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

How can you start reformulating thoughts you have exactly?

I am in a very scary to me situation where I don't know if I'll keep my apartment, I'm behind on bills and so on. Setting aside the practical situation, I tend to catastrophize a lot.
It starts to feel like my life is falling apart and gathering momentum towards a cliff like a snowball.
Not to say that I am not in a scary situation. But sometimes the way I think of things makes me unable to move. It leaves me too anxious or depressed to actually improve anything or think rationally.

How can I reframe my thoughts?

I understand that being in a challenging and uncertain situation can lead to negative thinking patterns and increased anxiety. Reframing your thoughts can help shift your perspective and alleviate some of the emotional distress. Here are some strategies to consider:

1. Identify negative thought patterns: Start by becoming aware of the negative thoughts that are contributing to your feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. Pay attention to the recurring thoughts or beliefs that make the situation feel more catastrophic than it may be.

2. Challenge distorted thoughts: Once you've identified negative thought patterns, challenge them by examining the evidence for and against them. Ask yourself if there is any evidence to support these thoughts or if they are based on assumptions or fears. Are there alternative explanations or more balanced perspectives to consider?

3. Practice realistic thinking: Train yourself to think more realistically by replacing negative or catastrophic thoughts with balanced and rational ones. Consider using evidence-based strategies like cognitive restructuring, which involves identifying and replacing negative thoughts with more accurate and helpful ones. For example, instead of "My life is falling apart," reframe it as "I am facing challenges, but I have overcome difficult situations before, and I have the strength and resilience to navigate this one."

4. Focus on what you can control: Shift your focus away from things that are beyond your control and emphasize areas where you have agency and can take action. Identify specific actions or steps you can take to address your situation, even if they seem small or incremental. This can help you regain a sense of empowerment and reduce feelings of helplessness.

5. Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or support networks who can offer encouragement, practical advice, or a listening ear. Seeking support from others can provide a fresh perspective and help you challenge negative thoughts more effectively.

6. Practice self-care: Engage in activities that promote well-being and reduce stress. Take care of your physical health, engage in hobbies that bring you joy, practice mindfulness or relaxation techniques, and prioritize self-compassion. Taking care of yourself emotionally and physically can support a more positive mindset.

Remember, reframing your thoughts takes time and practice. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you work on shifting your perspective. It can be helpful to regularly check in with yourself and challenge negative thoughts as they arise. If you find it challenging to reframe your thoughts on your own, consider reaching out to a mental health professional who can provide additional guidance and support.

Is there anything else you would like to discuss or any other questions you have?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Focus on what you can control:

How can I find things I can control? Especially if it feels that most of what is going on in life is beyond control right now?

For example I finished the work needed to get paid but the person paying my is traveling and whether she will pay me on time doesn't depend on me.
If she doesn't pay on time since right now most of my friends are in a tough spot, I can't borrow anything.
Not paying my landlord means betraying her trust after I already pushed my rent 2 weeks. Which means she gets to do whatever she decides and it's not in my control.

Until I get paid, I can't take care of health issues, or pay bills or see friends. Until I get paid I don't have tickets to go to job interviews. Because I am eating whatever, whenever from lack of funds, I can already see my body getting softer and using the little definition it did have. While I was working, I didn't do much to clean my apartment. I started yesterday and it was nice to be in a cleaner space, but today it dawned on me I don't know if I'm staying and suddenly cleaning was harder.
Also while I was working, I stopped seeing friends for lack of funds, stopped writing people, stopped working out, doing yoga, meditating, journaling...
But it seems frivolous, in a hard situation, to spend time meditating or journaling... that's like embedded in me, that I'm bad if I so things I enjoy when I don't know what is next and I should spend all my free time on finding a resolution.

I feel very restricted. Like the world is closing in on me, which in turn, leads to maladaptive coping: today when I got worried I literally slept in the middle of the day.
How do I pull the threads of what is in my control from what's going on?

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

How can I find things I can control? Especially if it feels that most of what is going on in life is beyond control right now?

For example I finished the work needed to get paid but the person paying my is traveling and whether she will pay me on time doesn't depend on me.
If she doesn't pay on time since right now most of my friends are in a tough spot, I can't borrow anything.
Not paying my landlord means betraying her trust after I already pushed my rent 2 weeks. Which means she gets to do whatever she decides and it's not in my control.

Until I get paid, I can't take care of health issues, or pay bills or see friends. Until I get paid I don't have tickets to go to job interviews. Because I am eating whatever, whenever from lack of funds, I can already see my body getting softer and using the little definition it did have. While I was working, I didn't do much to clean my apartment. I started yesterday and it was nice to be in a cleaner space, but today it dawned on me I don't know if I'm staying and suddenly cleaning was harder.
Also while I was working, I stopped seeing friends for lack of funds, stopped writing people, stopped working out, doing yoga, meditating, journaling...
But it seems frivolous, in a hard situation, to spend time meditating or journaling... that's like embedded in me, that I'm bad if I so things I enjoy when I don't know what is next and I should spend all my free time on finding a resolution.

I feel very restricted. Like the world is closing in on me, which in turn, leads to maladaptive coping: today when I got worried I literally slept in the middle of the day.
How do I pull the threads of what is in my control from what's going on?

I understand that it can feel overwhelming when many aspects of your life seem beyond your control. In these challenging moments, it can be helpful to take a step back and identify the specific areas where you do have some control. Here are a few strategies to help you navigate this:

1. Identify your sphere of influence: Focus on the aspects of your situation that you have the ability to influence or affect, even if it seems small. For example, although you may not have control over when your client pays you, you can communicate with them and follow up on the payment. You can also explore alternative options to address your financial needs, such as potential part-time work or applying for assistance programs.

2. Set priorities: Assess your immediate needs and obligations. Prioritize the actions or tasks that are most essential to your well-being and stability. This could include reaching out to your landlord to explain the situation and explore possible solutions, researching community resources for financial assistance, or connecting with potential job opportunities despite not having tickets.

3. Break tasks down into smaller steps: Break down larger tasks or goals into smaller, actionable steps. This can make them more manageable and give you a sense of progress as you complete each step. For example, rather than trying to tackle all your bills at once, focus on addressing them one at a time or engaging in proactive communication with the respective service providers.

4. Focus on self-care: While it may feel counterintuitive when facing challenges, self-care is crucial. Taking care of your physical and mental well-being can provide you with the resilience and clarity needed to navigate difficult situations. Prioritize activities that nourish your body and mind, such as exercise, meditation, journaling, and maintaining connections with friends and loved ones, even if it's in a limited capacity.

5. Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or local support networks for emotional support, advice, or practical assistance. They may be able to offer solutions, resources, or simply provide a listening ear during this challenging time. Additionally, consider accessing community organizations or online forums that provide assistance and guidance specific to your circumstances.

Remember, it's normal to feel restricted and overwhelmed when facing multiple uncertainties. Focus on what is within your sphere of influence, set realistic goals, and take small steps forward. Be kind and patient with yourself as you navigate through this period of uncertainty and seek support when needed.

Is there anything else you would like to discuss or any other questions you have?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

How do you deal with toxic or negative or emotionally abusive people you can't cut off?

How do you build your self esteem in things you failed really badly before?

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

How do you deal with toxic or negative or emotionally abusive people you can't cut off?

How do you build your self esteem in things you failed really badly before?

Dealing with toxic, negative, or emotionally abusive people can be challenging, especially if you are unable to cut off contact with them. Here are some strategies to consider:

1. Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with these individuals to protect your well-being. Communicate your needs and assertively express what behavior you will not tolerate. Consistently reinforce and uphold these boundaries, even if it requires limiting interactions or distancing yourself emotionally.

2. Limit exposure: Minimize the amount of time you spend with these individuals whenever possible. Seek opportunities to create physical or emotional distance. This could mean avoiding certain social gatherings or interactions, or finding ways to engage with them in a more controlled environment.

3. Seek support from others: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support networks to discuss your experiences and seek validation or guidance. Venting frustrations or seeking advice can provide a safe outlet and help you gain alternative perspectives or coping strategies.

4. Practice self-care: Make self-care a priority to strengthen your emotional well-being and resilience. Engage in activities that bring you joy, promote relaxation, and boost your self-esteem. This could include hobbies, exercise, mindfulness or meditation practices, or engaging in creative outlets.

5. Develop a support network: Surround yourself with positive, supportive individuals who uplift and validate you. Seek out healthy relationships with people who treat you with respect and kindness. Social support can help counteract the negative impact of toxic relationships and contribute to building your self-esteem.

Building self-esteem after experiencing failure is a gradual process that requires self-compassion and perseverance. Here are some strategies to consider:

1. Reframe failure: Challenge the belief that failure defines your worth as a person. Recognize that failure is a natural part of growth and learning. Instead of viewing failures as a reflection of your capabilities or value, look for the lessons and opportunities for growth that they provide.

2. Celebrate your efforts: Acknowledge and appreciate the effort you put into your endeavors, regardless of the outcome. Recognize that taking risks and trying new things is a sign of courage and resilience. Value the process and the lessons learned along the way, even if the specific outcome was not as desired.

3. Set realistic expectations: Set realistic and achievable goals for yourself, taking into account your current capabilities and resources. Break larger goals into smaller, manageable steps to increase your chances of success. Celebrate each milestone and progress you make along the way.

4. Challenge negative self-talk: Become aware of any self-critical or self-deprecating thoughts that arise. Replace negative self-talk with more positive and compassionate thoughts. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with understanding, kindness, and forgiveness.

5. Focus on your strengths: Identify and embrace your strengths and talents. Recognize and value the areas where you have succeeded or achieved positive outcomes. Make a conscious effort to focus on these strengths and build upon them.

6. Seek professional support: If your self-esteem is significantly impacted by past failures or if you are struggling to move forward, consider seeking support from a mental health professional. They can provide guidance, personalized strategies, and support to help you regain self-esteem and navigate the challenges you're facing.

Remember, building self-esteem takes time and effort. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you work toward rebuilding your self-worth. Surround yourself with positive influences and seek support when needed.

Is there anything else you would like to discuss or any other questions you have?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Can you start an online store with no funding?
What kind of online online store can you start in 2023?
What side hustles are paid well in 2023?

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

Can you start an online store with no funding?
What kind of online online store can you start in 2023?
What side hustles are paid well in 2023?

Starting an online store with no funding can be challenging but not impossible. Here are some strategies to consider:

1. Dropshipping: With dropshipping, you can set up an online store and sell products without having to carry inventory or invest in upfront costs. You partner with a supplier who fulfills the orders directly to your customers. Research dropshipping platforms and find suppliers who offer products that align with your interests or niche.

2. Print-on-demand: Another option is to launch a print-on-demand online store. This business model allows you to design and sell customized products such as t-shirts, mugs, or accessories. When a customer places an order, the product is printed and shipped directly from the manufacturer, eliminating the need for upfront inventory costs.

3. Affiliate marketing: Consider building an online store that focuses on affiliate marketing. With this model, you earn a commission by promoting and selling other people's products or services on your website. This can be a low-cost option as you don't need to create your own products.

In terms of the type of online store you can start in 2023, it's essential to identify trends and consumer demands. Stay updated on emerging industries or popular niches to find opportunities that align with your interests and skills. Conduct market research to understand what products or services are in demand and identify gaps where you can provide value.

Regarding well-paying side hustles in 2023, it's challenging to predict specific opportunities as they can vary based on market trends, individual skills, and location. However, some general side hustles that have the potential to pay well include:

1. Freelancing: Explore freelancing opportunities in fields such as writing, graphic design, web development, social media management, or virtual assistance. These roles often offer flexibility, allowing you to work on projects that match your skills and interests.

2. Online tutoring or coaching: If you have expertise in a particular subject or skill, consider offering online tutoring or coaching services. This can range from academic subjects to music lessons, career coaching, or fitness training.

3. E-commerce or marketplace selling: In addition to starting your own online store, you can also leverage existing e-commerce platforms or marketplaces like Amazon, eBay, or Etsy to sell products or handmade items.

Remember that the success of any online business or side hustle depends on various factors, including dedication, marketing strategies, and adaptability. It's essential to thoroughly research and plan your endeavor, identify your target audience, and create a solid business or marketing plan.

Is there anything else you would like to discuss or any other questions you have?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Thank you for all the information. There are several of the last answers to dive deeper into, in the next days. But first I need to deal with something more urgent. How do you cope with toxic negative words and (justified) guilt that doesn't serve you?

For being late on rent, for having debt when I should have done better this year- I was called liar, manipulative, scum, basically pro***tute, stupid, despicable. I was threated with eviction, police and bodily harm before reaching agreement. I was yelled at (to which I still stayed calm until alone). I was called the worst tennant she's had, after paying all of the backlog bills and most of what I all and saying when I'm going to receive more.
And because of the mood she was in, she insists I pay her something due on 6th (Monday) on 3rd(Friday) which I will do, but essentially leaves me without means to invest in what I was planning to create.

And that after working with an injury, mental illness flareup. After working 10h a day to catch. After almost being in-patient. After putting every effort I had to get better. After puttting 1 leg in front of the other and not giving up. After never ghosting, always being in contact with my landlord about the situation.
That was yesterday. I have a month to turn things around for myself.

After I have the freedom I can distance myself from that people like that.
But for the time being, I have to see next Friday to pay that other payment. Meanwhile I have to protect my fragile well-being.
All those ugly words are etched in me since yesterday, circulating and making me sick. If you owe to a bank you get in trouble.
If you owe to her, you get in trouble and you get yelled at because nothing other than having the money is good enough.
Those words are killing me. They are the opposite of whom I try to be. Yet it's all I hear. Manipulative. Scum. Liar.

How do I apply for jobs, start side business, believe in my success hearing those words? It's making me physically sick. I cried every hour I was awake since I left. I feel like someone who barely deserves living and I have an apartment by some diving luck even though I worked through hell to pay her back.
I have to see her 2-3 times next month. How do I protect my mental well being the rest of the time?

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

Thank you for all the information. There are several of the last answers to dive deeper into, in the next days. But first I need to deal with something more urgent. How do you cope with toxic negative words and (justified) guilt that doesn't serve you?

For being late on rent, for having debt when I should have done better this year- I was called liar, manipulative, scum, basically pro***tute, stupid, despicable. I was threated with eviction, police and bodily harm before reaching agreement. I was yelled at (to which I still stayed calm until alone). I was called the worst tennant she's had, after paying all of the backlog bills and most of what I all and saying when I'm going to receive more.
And because of the mood she was in, she insists I pay her something due on 6th (Monday) on 3rd(Friday) which I will do, but essentially leaves me without means to invest in what I was planning to create.

And that after working with an injury, mental illness flareup. After working 10h a day to catch. After almost being in-patient. After putting every effort I had to get better. After puttting 1 leg in front of the other and not giving up. After never ghosting, always being in contact with my landlord about the situation.
That was yesterday. I have a month to turn things around for myself.

After I have the freedom I can distance myself from that people like that.
But for the time being, I have to see next Friday to pay that other payment. Meanwhile I have to protect my fragile well-being.
All those ugly words are etched in me since yesterday, circulating and making me sick. If you owe to a bank you get in trouble.
If you owe to her, you get in trouble and you get yelled at because nothing other than having the money is good enough.
Those words are killing me. They are the opposite of whom I try to be. Yet it's all I hear. Manipulative. Scum. Liar.

How do I apply for jobs, start side business, believe in my success hearing those words? It's making me physically sick. I cried every hour I was awake since I left. I feel like someone who barely deserves living and I have an apartment by some diving luck even though I worked through hell to pay her back.
I have to see her 2-3 times next month. How do I protect my mental well being the rest of the time?

I'm truly sorry to hear about the toxic and hurtful words you have experienced. Dealing with such negativity can be incredibly challenging and can have a significant impact on your mental well-being. Please remember that you are not alone in this.

To cope with toxic and negative words, as well as the justified guilt that may be weighing on you, consider the following strategies:

1. Recognize that hurtful words do not define you: Remind yourself that the words spoken to you do not define your worth or who you are as a person. Negative words are often a reflection of the other person's issues and not a true reflection of your character or value.

2. Practice self-compassion: Be kind and understanding to yourself during this difficult time. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, and it does not make you unworthy or deserving of the harsh words. Treat yourself with the same compassion and forgiveness that you would extend to a friend facing similar challenges.

3. Surround yourself with supportive people: Seek out positive and supportive individuals in your life who can provide encouragement and validation. Share your feelings with trusted friends or family members who can offer comfort and a different perspective.

4. Engage in self-care activities: Prioritize self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit. This might include practicing relaxation techniques, engaging in hobbies you enjoy, exercising, spending time in nature, or engaging in activities that promote self-expression and emotional release, such as journaling or art.

5. Challenge negative self-talk: Pay attention to any negative thoughts or beliefs that arise as a result of the hurtful words. Challenge them by replacing them with more positive and realistic thoughts. Remind yourself of your strengths, accomplishments, and the valuable efforts you've made to improve your situation.

6. Seek professional support: If the impact of these negative words becomes overwhelming or continues to significantly affect your well-being, consider seeking support from a mental health professional. They can provide guidance, coping strategies, and a safe space to process your emotions.

When it comes to protecting your mental well-being during your ongoing interactions with your landlord, establish and enforce healthy boundaries. Limit your interactions to what is necessary, and remind yourself of your own worth and the progress you've made despite the challenges you faced. Focus on your goals and aspirations and use them as motivation to move forward.

Remember, you deserve kindness, respect, and understanding, both from yourself and others. Take things one step at a time and reach out for support when needed.

Is there anything else you would like to discuss or any other questions you have?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

1. Recognize that hurtful words do not define you:

What if you feel lost so any words, good and bad, feel like they define the current you? How do you stay strong if you yourself aren't sure what is true after many failures?

Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes,

What if you have made too many and it feels too late?

Challenge them by replacing them with more positive and realistic thoughts.

What if what seems like realistic thoughts are the more negative thoughts, but you are in situation where you have to turn them around, to change anything?

Also should you be concerned if self-hard thoughts bring you relief?
How do you stay motivated if you have a decade of proof that you will or might fail?