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Childhood What is normal sexuality and sexual behaviors/thoughts without a csa lense?

Thread starter #1
I’m really struggling with knowing if my fantasies and behaviors are normal or a response to what happened to me. What does someone without trauma experience in this regard? I’m too ashamed to even write an example of a fantasy. I’m ashamed of sexual behaviors being part of my self harm rituals. However, you see stuff in movies or read books like Fifty Shades of Grey and start to wonder what is even normal?
 
#3
As long as there is consent, everyone is adults, and no one is being harmed (permanently or in a non consensual way) it’s fine. If your fantasies include some of the above themes, which is definitely not out of the ordinary, they would be good to chat with a therapist about to see what they may be tied to and to find ways of coping so that they only stay fantasies and no one is harmed.
 
#4
I think more than normal matters healthy for you & others, and safe. Both physically and for mental health.

I lack the 'without CSA' angle, so cannot speak to that, and my healthiest sexual life been in open committed relationships while working, outside of it been a mess or abstinence, so cannot say lol.

Where I'm concerned, I don't mind rough and I don't mind kinky. Hell, some times of life helped me deal immensely with ongoing bad abuse / other stuff.

But my views & boundaries on the concretes definitely change with years, and recovery.
 

grit

MyPTSD Pro
#5
When you are alone fantasizing and you are feeling horrible and shamed.... I would say that is trauma related to a point... Of course...one needs to know you and more details about you.
Another thing almost all fantasies are probably inappropriate child memories that are accepted as part of growing up and healthy sexual expressions. We learn a lot as children good and bad and worse.


I know a person who is into little girl and dom dad and also clearly aware this is a result of a daddy that abandoned her.... Where she struggles is finding a guy who has fantasy of being the Dom daddy to her little girl. Most guys leave the relationship after a while. With her insistence and relationship struggle, I think she is more into recreation of trauma than sexual expression of Health sex life and most men leave cause, at some point they are probably feeling not good to be objectified rather being seen as who they are----not the daddy

It is fine line... And recovering that aspect of our selves is worth it. Making peace with the past.
 
Thread starter #6
That’s kind of where I am, @grit. Re-creations of what happened in my mind seem to be the norm when I’m alone and it sometimes trickles into being with my partner. Like I don’t think I’m even capable of an orgasm without a bit of trauma entering my mind. When I try to talk to my therapist about it, I can’t even say it. I’ve written bits and pieces and the one time she mentioned examples of sexual compulsions that happen and how you don’t even know why you are doing it, I heard my little part voices telling me “how does she know, who told her?” Followed by intense panic. Yesterday, my T told me that I don’t have to tell her anything. That it’s about me figuring it out for me. That I need to have compassion for my abusive parts because they are actually just younger parts disguising themselves as they are trying to figure this stuff out. I wish there was a manual on what a normal 10 year old does in regard to sexuality, and each age. I have researched normal childhood development and that continues to confuse me even more.
 
#8
A-ha, so that was the question... if kids are sexual.

Nope. :D Kids are kids.
What they do with their own bodies is more about comfort / self soothing / exploration. Not sexuality. Def not sexuality in the adult sense.

Kids being kids. Discovering bodies.

Hurting kids sexually is hurting kids, not them being "into it".
 
#9
That's such a hard question to answer. I may or may not have csa but I also have some weird kinks that may or may not be trauma related. I've asked my husband to do the type of D/s that is your entire life where the Dom makes the decisions for you and I'm quite sure that's associated with my trauma but I see it as a way to work through trust issues.
 
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