What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

Ellabella44

MyPTSD Pro
My insecurities have been loud lately. End up ruminating on the bad side of things. I'm going up on my med for bipolar. But still worry someday that I'd end up taking a psychiatric "vacation" because somehow I've gotten out of control.

And I've found some new ptsd triggers. For example my husband jokingly said he was going to put horseradish on my dinner plate and it suddenly made me afraid that my father was in our house because he liked to put horseradish on food. (We don't ever have it in the house) I just couldn't go into the kitchen to get it. Had to use the color sequence to ground. 5 times.

And I've also had times where its been hard to resist thinking about taking a drink. 3 months 17 days and every time I think about it I tear up because I know where I'd end up is a really bad place.
 

Ellabella44

MyPTSD Pro
@Deanna yes I went to two different ones each week before this mess started. Now I only see one of them on zoom. I haven't heard from my sponsor much. Should probably call her, but she isn't used to being home as I am. I know I would still be having problems with staying away from it since its still close to my relapse. I'm not balanced yet with my meds and I know that is also partly why its hard right now.
My husband says he admires my commitment to sobriety and I've told him when I'm struggling. When I quit years ago it and my ptsd and hidden bipolar together made me make an attempt. I started aa pretty much to help with continued survival.
 

MrMoonlight

MyPTSD Pro
Thinking about therapy today...our session tweaked my perception of things. Things under my control are done well, I exceed expectations, I have drive and strong will to succeed, advance myself...things out of my control are just that and not my fault. She said I have a very wide range of experience and talents...she said she has some friends that have done this or that but not all in one person. I'm proud of that and I believe she says what she means....long story but I'm looking at my past a little different....a good thing.
 

Deanna

MyPTSD Pro
@Deanna yes I went to two different ones each week before this mess started. Now I only see one of them on zoom. I haven't heard from my sponsor much. Should probably call her, but she isn't used to being home as I am. I know I would still be having problems with staying away from it since its still close to my relapse. I'm not balanced yet with my meds and I know that is also partly why its hard right now.
My husband says he admires my commitment to sobriety and I've told him when I'm struggling. When I quit years ago it and my ptsd and hidden bipolar together made me make an attempt. I started aa pretty much to help with continued survival.
Sweets.. You need a sponsor that is available. Get the most intimidating woman there! Someone that really knows her stuff and you know what I mean, start looking because another relapse is not going to help you. All alcohol does is dehydrate you so your brain is reacting to the fast dehydration
I could start my diary and you could butt in over there when you need help.. Alcoholism is really bad. And it can get pathetic. I'm in my 50's and I don't know how people drink ( guzzle) in latter years. I can't. When I went back out it was for beer ( I hate beer, never drank it unless i was with guys in my early life) I tasted everything. Started to dehydrate and had to drink a gallon of water the next day. Its such B.S. I had 25 years sober before I went on my 4 month taste test.. Now I have 5 years sober.
 
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