What is this new craze called "mindfulness"

[AMkHz01]

Sorry, I've looked through forum headings and don't know where to post this.

Mindfulness has almost become a trigger for me. It's promoted as sunshine and roses, but people who claim to follow this movement seem to do the opposite. It's seems to be about making excuses for other people's stupid or mean behaviour and invalidating what I've been through.

In my last Welfare job (employment) we, as workers, were part of group that met monthly to effect change in the area of family violence. Trying to get attitudes to change among services and the local authorities. Most of us who attended actually had experienced FV and shared various experiences. Mindfulness was brought up. Errrmuhgerd, mindfulness.

I brought up how my violent ex husband (who barely had anything to do with raising his own child / deadbeat dad) had broken the law by forging my signature on some documents. Well, some used mindfulness as an example to explain his behaviour. 'Maybe he did that because of X and Y. If you want to correct those documents you should pay to have them corrected.' This is mindfulness??????!!!!

Another time, is my creepy neighbour who has been stealing my clothing, especially underwear, from off my clothesline, when I'm not home. Yes, I've called the authorities, who couldn't give two hoots. I live on a big rural property, so it's not like a suburban peeping tom. The weirdo is most likely spying to see when I go out. Yes, I've started hanging clothes inside to dry. No, I can't use a clothes dryer. Anyhoo, 'mindfulness' came up with that too. 'Maybe he's just lonely'. On what planet is there ever an excuse for being a creepy sicko?!

Whenever 'Mindfulness' is brought up there's never any compassion for the victim, but a million excuses for the person being a complete drongo. Never "oh that must make you feel so upset" or "that must be so traumatising for you". It just seems to be something dressed up as peaceful and careful thinking, but it's really about telling me that the perpetrators feelings matter more.

I don't start therapy until August as the therapist has gone away on leave. It's Winter school holidays here. I later read the brochure and it says that she uses Mindfulness as part of her therapy techniques. Well, now I'm not sure that I want to go. She's not available to ask, at this time. There's other examples I've had with this "mindfulness" garbage and all have been negative.

What is it really? Do I have it wrong? I'm not sure how being told that my family had some reason for being violent and neglectful, is going to help me recover. What the heck is mindfulness?

 

[desiderata310]

Errmmm....
No? I'm not mindfulness expert but what I was learning about mindfulness was to be present, 'in your body' so to speak and concerned about what is happening right now in front of you, not 'what happened in the past' or 'what will happen in the future' . Kind of a meditation practice minus the om's?
It sounds like someone was TRYING to help with past issues but kinda went all wonky to me.
I don't remember anything associated with trying to justify someone else's behavior being associated with mindfulness.
I find it most useful when I was training for races or IN a race to 'check in' with my body and project success etc.
Also most therapist figure out what works well for a client. If she uses 'mindfulness' it will probably be to keep you from dissociating in session and that sort of thing.

 

[EveHarrington]

To me, mindfulness is being present in the moment, having your mind and all senses focused on the here and now. It means doing things carefully, not carelessly.

I think mindfulness is perhaps the latest victim of popularity? I mean when a concept becomes popular it resembles less and less what it originally meant. (Kind of like the concept of triggering which has been so watered down that even something slightly bothersome is now seen as "triggering".)

All of those examples you gave really aren't mindfulness, at least not in its basic form. Guessing the motives of others? Most definitely NOT mindfulness!

 

[whiteraven]

Jon Kabat-Zinn is THE authority on the western mindfulness movement (which is, I guess, what you're referring to, although mindfulness is not new at all, it's a very, very old notion) and his definition (which can be found in all of his books and all of the courses that are taught worldwide) is, "Paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally." Mindfulness is no more (at all) than paying attention to the present moment.

Many, many people who have never trained in mindfulness don't really understand its intent, so it doesn't surprise me that you might hear some odd (and incorrectly attributed) sorts of applications with regard to it. What you describe above, though, doesn't even make sense to me in terms of mindfulness, so I can't even speak to it. I've been trained in it, have been practicing formally for 4 years, am currently doing some additional training, and have a therapist who is a specialist in it.

I can say definitively that this is not the intention of mindfulness practice:

It's seems to be about making excuses for other people's stupid or mean behaviour and invalidating what I've been through.

What you will notice, if you decide to follow through with the practice (and I do recommend it; it is the only thing that helped me) is that as you develop your skills, you will discover that you have a greater capacity for and desire for understanding others' motives and compassion for even those you had contempt for in the past. And that just kind of happens.

 

[Suzetig]

That doesn't sound like mindfulness, it sounds more like something called mentalisation - which is a process of thinking about thinking e.g. "I wonder why I'm thinking about X like this, perhaps it's because of this, this and this". The process can be helpful in understanding why we think the way we do or making sense of someone else's behaviour towards us by challenging assumptions that they were being purposefully mean to us.

As others have said mindfulness is a form of meditative practice focussed on the here and now which can help folk deal with intrusive thoughts and anxiety. It's sold as the answer to all ills but it really doesn't suit some people.

I think they've got their terms mixed up.

 

[Friday]

I rather despise Mindfulness & it's cousin Be Here Now / Living In The Moment... In part because -whilst American- I grew up in Asia and the way Americans use Zen makes my eyeballs roll so far back into my head I almost seize, and in part because I've got a far larger set of problems with both impulsiveness & survival mode; where nothing exists except this very moment in time / I have to work hard to not be hyper aware of everything at all times & to create a future of longer than 2 seconds from now.

That said? I have to agree, the examples you listed sound like rationalizing, not mindfulness.

The good news? Any therapist worth their salt has a whole bag of tips, tricks, tools, techniques, methods, modalities, etc. to use with different clients. Mindfulness would just be one of several dozen.

 

[joeylittle]

@AMkHz01 - mindfulness, small-m, is a sort of catchall meaningless word for all sorts of things.

Mindfulness, capital-M, is...also a bit of a catchall word for a whole spectrum of things relating to everything from meditation, to religion, to gardening.

When Mindfulness is referred to in mental health practices, it can usually be traced back to some aspect of this treatment concept:
Mindfulness-based stress reduction - Wikipedia

It's really about neuroplasticity - the idea that the brain can (and does) re-organize itself according to situations, environmental changes, etc. The situations we put our minds into will affect how the mind itself works.

Mindfulness has broad applications in a number of medical contexts, not just mental health.

...MBSR is practiced as a complementary medicine, commonly in the field of oncology. Today close to 80% of medical schools offer some element of mindfulness training and research and education centers dedicated to mindfulness have proliferated.

(from the wiki article, above)

As a complementary element to other therapies, it is quite useful for the rehabbing of the PTSD brain.

 

[FauxLiz]

@AMkHz01 the way that you describe past situations I question whether the person was improperly substituting mindfulness when they should have been saying mindful. Examples would be saying something like, It would help to be mindful (keep in mind) that

Maybe he did that because of X and Y.

. I don't want you to think that I am making excuses for people but being mindful and practicing mindfulness are very different things but people often misuse similar words.