What the hell is wrong with me? I’m on my eighth type of medication and nothing works

so basically since I was 15 after the trauma happened my psychiatrist has given me 8 different types of medication. I used to wake up every few hours, and now I only have nightmares maybe about half of the time, but I’m still perpetually exhausted. I can’t function, I’m 19 and I couldn’t even hold down a simple cashier job because it was so overwhelming and triggering that I legitimately couldn’t take it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I used to be a top student, I used to get scholarships and be the teachers favourite but what am I now? I’m just a high school dropout who is traumatised at something that wasn’t even that traumatic, hell my abuser was way more traumatised than me and theyre successful. I’m at a loss. I don’t even know if I want to continue living with this in my brain, I don’t want to get over it I just wish it didn’t happen. I’m so, so exhausted and everytime I sleep I feel like I didn’t rest at all. at this point what do I even do? I want to feel rested for the first goddamn time in 5 years but not a single day passes where I wake up energised. Bro I feel like I am 4 mental illnesses masquerading as human straight up, anyway any advice is appreciated thanks for reading
 
All I can add is my own experience. A long parade of psychiatrists kept prescribing antidepressants for me. Over time I was on every SSRI and SNRI ever made. They would typically work well for between two and nine months, and then I would return to my funk. The reason they never worked long-term is that I was never actually depressed - I had unresolved trauma issues.

Do you have a therapist?
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
I had unresolved trauma issues.

this is very common.
saying nothing works might stop you from finding something that does. They all have side effects, but you might someday hit upon the one that has an effect you can accept. There are more drugs available to us now than ever before. I found one that has side effects but carries effects I needed and it is tolerable. Maybe we both need to keep looking?

I was in the same type spot at your age and suffered multiple additional traumas through life. Scholarships and national scholastic merit society accolades wasted on a drop out that washed dishes and swept floors. I found better work, i went back to school, I have had a good life and am nearing retirement with a long marriage and now grandkids.

Advice: Learn all you can about this. Don't give up, ever. It can be managed and if you want it and work for it you will be able to deal with it. It gets better but you have to keep at it, because (here's the morsel of good stuff) that is the only way it has ever gotten better.

we are all here together helping each other when we see a way to. welcome @SchoolOfPogwarts , pulling for you from the other side of the journey.
 

Skywatcher

MyPTSD Pro
I’ve had my own parade of meds. I’m a person that refuses to tolerate bad nausea, so some drugs were tried for 1-5 days. I went to a therapist first. She is big on lifestyle changes and functional meds, but she recommended the psychiatrist. I’m sorry that you are suffering. When our minds start looping in anxiety it can be very hard to make them stop and they will build on the emotions and cause them to grow. Perhaps look up Tara Brach on YouTube. She has some good talks to help manage this stuff.
I wish you luck on your way to better healing.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
I’m so, so exhausted and everytime I sleep I feel like I didn’t rest at all. at this point what do I even do? I want to feel rested for the first goddamn time in 5 years but not a single day passes where I wake up energised. Bro I feel like I am 4 mental illnesses masquerading as human straight up, anyway any advice is appreciated thanks for reading
When was the last time you had a complete physical exam, including bloodwork?

It's important to make sure there's nothing else going on with your body that would contribute to the fatigue/exhaustion.

And....
The reason they never worked long-term is that I was never actually depressed - I had unresolved trauma issues.
...this is a thing, too. So - have you done any work on the trauma event, either with a therapist, or with the psychiatrist, or....?
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
It's important to make sure there's nothing else going on with your body that would contribute to the fatigue/exhaustion.
Exactly. That's why I didn't get help for trauma for so long.

The top 3 physical symptoms for two of my medical conditions, which were found before trauma, are the same as the top 3 physical symptoms as PTSD.

When things aren't good they all go to hell in the same handbasket and I get to deal with both sets of symptoms at the same time. PTSD got stressed hard by an event two days ago and today I can't do much, walking up the stairs from the basement leaves me almost on my knees because my blood pressure is low. It's a physical symptom of how closely both are tied together.

Get it checked out. Anything that follows PTSD needs proper care.
 
I haven't switched meds, but I had the genetic testing (phaser at the VA). Let you know which meds are good for you, which ones aren't. For the anti depressants mostly older tryciclic ones are good for me.

That's the med side. But meds are only part of the treatment. Therapy is the other. I have a psychologist, psychiatrist, family therapist and a psych nurse I talk to on a regular basis.

That being said, "wasn't so traumatic" doesn't matter to your body or your brain. Heck the trauma doesn't really matter either. Your physical and emotional responses to the trauma are valid, and I'm sure are very similar to others here.

You're not alone, try group therapy, it really helped me open up to address things, because I saw some of me in everyone else. Just because you are in group doesn't mean you have to talk about your trauma, you can get tools from other people in the room and the therapist leading it. Some may work some may not but every tool you can get makes you better.

Good luck on finding your way forward.
 

J_trustno1

MyPTSD Pro
so basically since I was 15 after the trauma happened my psychiatrist has given me 8 different types of medication. I used to wake up every few hours, and now I only have nightmares maybe about half of the time, but I’m still perpetually exhausted. I can’t function, I’m 19 and I couldn’t even hold down a simple cashier job because it was so overwhelming and triggering that I legitimately couldn’t take it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I used to be a top student, I used to get scholarships and be the teachers favourite but what am I now? I’m just a high school dropout who is traumatised at something that wasn’t even that traumatic, hell my abuser was way more traumatised than me and theyre successful. I’m at a loss. I don’t even know if I want to continue living with this in my brain, I don’t want to get over it I just wish it didn’t happen. I’m so, so exhausted and everytime I sleep I feel like I didn’t rest at all. at this point what do I even do? I want to feel rested for the first goddamn time in 5 years but not a single day passes where I wake up energised. Bro I feel like I am 4 mental illnesses masquerading as human straight up, anyway any advice is appreciated thanks for reading
Trauma is just torture. We need to process this slowly. I can tell from my experience that these psychiatrists only guess and do trial and error when it comes to medication. They all just want to put people on medication to look good and appear as a good doctor. What I can say is that you are your best friend. I've been on antidepressants from the age of 16, only went to see a doctor for insomnia and that woman put me on antidepressants. I wasn't suicidal or depressed at that time but was labelled. They kept trying different meds on me as if I were a Guinea pig. Now thanks to medical science I do not believe in these so called doctors. They label each and every illness I have to depression.

Sorry for ranting but keep trying therapy, have a person you can confide in. And look out for yourself. All the best.
 
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