What to do? I want to go back to work. UPDATE

Kaylove498

Confident
I want to go back to work so badly before dpdr i worked full time and was on my way to owning my own business and all at once it hit me.

I started having severe panic attacks to feeling unreal and now i just feel now and like im not here at all or I'll disappear out of the blue its a scary thought.

I so badly just want to go back to work and be a functioning adult again but i dont know how.

Is there any tips i could use to get over the fears i have with the feeling of numbness and the fear of feeling unreal?
 

Ireusa

Learning
I want to go back to work so badly before dpdr i worked full time and was on my way to owning my own business and all at once it hit me.

I started having severe panic attacks to feeling unreal and now i just feel now and like im not here at all or I'll disappear out of the blue its a scary thought.

I so badly just want to go back to work and be a functioning adult again but i dont know how.

Is there any tips i could use to get over the fears i have with the feeling of numbness and the fear of feeling unreal?
Are you in therapy now? I found therapy to help with dissociation. Also practice grounding often -that is, grounding that actually works for you-. Maybe start small as well?
I'm sorry you're struggling with this ?.
 

Kaylove498

Confident
So many exciting things have happened for me this week.

I got back into therapy which ive waited for months to get back into.I got an amazing job opportunity.I even traveled which is way out of my comfort zone but i did it.

I thought doing these things would make me happy or proud or make me feel more like myself but it just hasnt.

Everyday still feels blah and i still feel so disconnected from life.Ive tried everything they say to do in the books.

Go on with life stop worrying about the next panic or next odd feeling live again and i have ive tried i even started driving again.Everything still feels so meaningless though and dreamlike.Ive gotten use to this feeling but it gets old feeling nothing.

I don't mope around i do laugh and cry but i genuinely dont feel the emotion almost as if im acting.
Its frustrating to say the least and at this point im not sure what to do......
 

Powder

MyPTSD Pro
I hear you. That sucks.

A long time ago, my first therapist told me that while in PTSD, the avoidance that is holding back emotions related to the trauma also is numbing the survivor to the other emotions, leading to this state of numbness they call "flat affect."

Yes, you can feel emotions, but it's as if someone has turned the volume down on them and they don't feel like much. You walk around as if not really living. It's also hard to complain about it properly. It's hard to explain, but you did a really good job of describing this, according to how I felt when I was feeling similar things in the past. I don't know if it was the same thing, but I
can relate to this feeling you are reporting to a difficult time period. Truly, I think it is frustrating and can push you into a kind of anhedonia of its own kind, so I would discuss it with a therapist or doctor, maybe show them your post if that's difficult. Possibly, you could pinpoint a specific source of this, such as a medication or sleep, or something specific you can control.

If not, then it's a phase of your healing process to get through, and patience will get you there. And I know just how hard it is. It really is. This is a confusing phase if that's what it is. Keep posting though. You will get through this and, as you said, you're doing what you are supposed to do.
 

Powder

MyPTSD Pro
Just a suggestion: Maybe a phased approach: set a goal of therapy as work. Once that is working for you, you can work in stages, like maybe working from home or part time and phase into full time as you and your T. assess how you are responding to the stress of work.

I tend to "feel good" about working but I also use work to distract, and then I tend to get worse in my condition and fail to process my traumas, which are too many to process while working full time. So far, I haven't had much choice in the matter. If I did, I would do the above advice and do a phased approach to find a good balance so that I'm still able to work on myself and do healing, but also feel good about working some, too.

I know the expert-monnitored phased approaches are research-backed for treating PTSD and other trauma-based disorders, as well as many other things. It's really good to do something whereby you can monitor how your body is responding to changes. Just tracking one thing can help you see if things are working for or against you as you phase in changes one-by-one, so you can go back a step if something is too fast.

I hope this is helpful to you and that you find whatever you like for you.

Take care
 

pam4him

Confident
You've taken some great steps, now it's time to keep doing them. We get into ruts and blah habits, and this pandemic hasn't helped. So be the Energizer Bunny and just keep going. Do what you can as you can and hopefully the excitement will rub off on you. Maybe start a gratitude journal and each day write about what you are grateful for that happened. Then on tough days, go back and read through it to remind yourself that life cycles, just like the moon, the seasons, etc. We have highs and lows, sometimes our own fault, often due to some habitual reaction to others. But habits can be changed. Hang in there, You got this! Prayers for peace, strength, and getting in touch with your emotions.
 

Kaylove498

Confident
I have recently gotten a great oppurtinity and its starting out as part-time.I have also started zoloft but of course now thats scaring me.

Ive had fears of meds for as long as i can remember but i really dont want to not take them being that ive never given meds a chance before.

What makes me nervous even more is that i just began taking them and i will just be starting my job im very nervous that the meds could give me a bad reaction.

Ive been on them for two days i took my third dose this morning so im hoping i can get that fear out of my head before i start work.
 
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