What To Do

[Casey_03]

I'm having more and more doubts that I can actually have this baby. I'm 2.5 months now and showing. People come up to me to congratulate me, all smiley and cheerful, and it hurts because as soon as they start asking abut the father, I have to tell them he bailed, and I'll be raising it alone, their faces fall and I feel like they are judging me. It's embarrassing. It makes me doubt myself. But there are other reasons for my doubts. For one, I don't get maternity leave at my job. And because I have no one to help me, that means I'd have to find a way to work from home right after having the baby. I'm not sure how feasible it would be to work 10 hours a day AND take care of the baby all by myself. The other concern is I have no money. My income is below the poverty line, I have no savings and I am still paying off student loans. My plan was to do extra work throughout the pregnancy to save up and set it aside, but even then, it'd only be a few thousand, maximum. I don't know if that is enough. I don't know if it is realistic to think I can raise a child on my income alone, which is only about 20,000 a year, if not less. I don't even have anyone to go with me when I give birth. I'll have to do that alone too. All of this is killing me and making me think maybe it's irresponsible of me to want keep the baby. Is it? The only other option is an abortion, but I don't think I could bring myself to do that. Whenever I think about it, I just imagine I'd attack any doctor who went near me with the intention of hurting the baby. I wouldn't even survive that, I can't do it;.

 

[joeylittle]

No one can answer these questions for you - and probably can't even advise you well. It sounds (to me) like, by default, your option will be childbirth and adoption. Your concerns are real - but, what matters more is that you are having them at all. I'm not saying there can't be doubt inside a pregnancy process, but unless you can make choices you feel secure in that will support you long term (a different job, maybe a different country?, a support network of some kind), you will find it really hard.

When I read your post, I think that you are right to be thinking about not raising this child yourself. But it really doesn't matter what I think. If you can decide that you do not want an abortion, and that adoption is viable, then re-frame your question into whether you are sure you are prepared to carry to term.

I think the window of time for considering abortion is closing rapidly, so if it's important to you to have that option, you will have to make a decision very soon. (You probably know that, but I'm writing it just in case you don't. )