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What would you do? - continuing relationship after therapy ends

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so I had notes today for end of therapy questions since this is literally the worst topic for me, until I brought it up today, any time before he would try, I shut it down right away.

I asked everything except for one, that has to do with him. I got scared and I was terrified of his answer or reaction, he knows there is something big on there I was hiding. We agreed to let him keep the notes but put in a sealed envelope until next session....

now I am wondering, is it best to just say, ok actually just read it and let me know if you are upset by it or whatever, if not then we can talk. Problem is, if we wait on me to say it in person, it could be months or never. the fear just overtakes me when it comes to anything related to him and feelings.

I am nervous about just letting him read it on his own though too when I can't see his reaction etc, idk what to do. I wish I had not told him about the part I couldn't say... now he knows there is a piece missing.... what would you do? I'm so scared but at the same time, this topic and all the stuff that goes with it has been eating at me for months. i need to get this out there somehow
 
It sounds like you're really anxious about what your T's reaction will be but holding in whatever it is you want to tell them is eating up at you as well. Therapy moves at your own pace so in the end the choice is yours and I don't think any of us can make the decision for you. I would write down the pros and cons of telling your t in person, waiting, or having them read it on their own and see which one works best in your favor. In the end only you know what's best for you and how much you'd be able to handle as well. Also something to think about to calm your nerves is that you may be projecting your own feelings to on your t. In other words most of the stuff you're worried about your t thinking could be your thoughts and feelings about the situation and your t may not feel that way at all-- and we all tend to be our worst critics. Whatever it is that you're afraid to tell them can't be that bad and they may have even heard worse or the same thing before. I hope this helps and good luck on the decision.
 
Yeah we definitely can’t answer that for you. I will tell you that I’ve told my t vulnerable stuff in person and I’ve let her read it on her own without me seeing her reaction. Both were very different experiences. When I said things in person that were hard or embarrassing or just things I thought she would judge me for or want me to leave and never come back I felt immense anxiety. Before, during, and after. But her being there to talk to about it or just sit there in silence for a bit was really amazing. Your t isn’t gonna make you feel like shit, especially knowing how scared you are.

Now, then I let her read on her own I was anxious as well and worried but it was duller although it lasted a really long time. And if it was something she would reply to via email I was always scared to open it but then so relieved when the response was validating and didn’t make me feel like I was a weirdo. When she didn’t reply or her reply was short I wouldn’t want to go to the next session out of fear.

So you gotta decide which scenario feels right for you. Which one do you have more control over and which one will ultimately give you more peace? Dying to know what you wrote him but I won’t ask lol
 
Yeah we definitely can’t answer that for you. I will tell you that I’ve told my t vulnerab...


I don't mind saying... I did a post about people who were friends after therapy, so since we had a discussion about ending therapy and my anxiety, i included that... asking if he had any interest in that potentially when therapy ends, even if its just a occasional meet up with my dog or something. I'm so scared because he promised NO boundaries will change ever, as we end therapy, unless i decide to lessen how often i go. he said he is aware of how traumatizing doing that can be to some... so he wont. I just feel like I'll come off a creepy weirdo or something but I mean I know we can't be friends now and I know it's risky after. I still need to know if there is any hope of it at all so it can stop going through my head a billion times a week
 
I don't mind saying... I did a post about people who were friends after therapy, so since we had a d...
I remember that post. Yeah, that makes sense that you would want some kind of closure or answer on that so you can let it rest and work on the feelings that will come from his response. Are you prepared if he says no? What will that do to you? Are you prepared if he says yes?

I don’t know about your relationship and I think they all vary so much but my old t would never have allowed it. She was a real stickler for what she learned in school and it was good for me, I never knew what boundaries were before cause I didn’t learn them in school. My new t wants to drop acid. They are all different lol! So I don’t know what he will say but I think you’re gonna want to process what comes up for you and if he says no, it’ll be good to have a lot of time to work on those emotions. Is your therapy ending soon or is this just an in the future wish?

I also think the idea of you wanting friendship is a really good topic. That could bring all kinds of things up.
 
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I remember that post. Yeah, that makes sense that you would want some kind of closure or answe...

No not soon, well I mean probably sometime this year it will end but it will be a few months at least still. We haven't even worked on my phobias yet.

I'm gonna be thrilled if he says yes obviously... and very confused and hurt if he says no. He has been insanely friend like to me and it's gonna be hard for me to understand why he would play me..... I just am expecting No though because nothing good happens to me. I don't get my hopes up for things anymore.

I could message you privately but I wont post here but if you want to know some more of why I say he is insanely friend like.... I can't imagine how I am supposed to read anything into this but he wants to be friends too... however again, not lucky so I'm not hopeful LOL
 
No not soon, well I mean probably sometime this year it will end but it will be a few months at leas...
My t acts very friend-like in the way we joke but I think that’s just all about rapport. And I think sometimes they can’t help but get a little attached as well... But you do realize (I’m sure) that if any friendship were to occur after therapy it would be officially breaking the rules, right? And the rules exist to look out for us. A friendship is so very different from a therapy/client relationship. The latter is incredibly intimate BECAUSE of the mutually known boundaries. The former is all about mutual sharing and consideration. The person you see each week could be VERY different seen in another context. I really like my t but seeing him at a coffee shop scratching his ass, um no. Give me the professional who focuses on me, please.

You say you have a laundry list of reasons why you think a friendship should happen. Have you discussed his behavior with him? I think bringing in that list of things that, to you, mean a friendship is the next right thing is really important. Because if he says no then he needs to know what he may have done to create those fantasies in you.

And you deserve good things. That you would say “nothing good happens to me” is so heart-breaking. May you find peace tonight.
 
My t acts very friend-like in the way we joke but I think that’s just all about rapport. And...

I have not found anything saying its against the rules.... I know many people online who have done it even... there is a story about a former T and client who were friends for 25 years until one died. its just 'frowned upon' but nothing illegal like the whole sex thing but even that in many places says after 2 yrs its possible.

I have actually seen him outside the office, i have seen him in his natural habitat so to speak and of course they are not 100% the same as they are, its a job, but getting to know them is the point of friendships lol. I'm not asking to be besties, just to meet up on occasion and chat.
 
Oh I thought it was 2 years for ANY sort of relationship. Hmm. Ok. Well, I don’t know. I hop...

Thanks, I tried to message you but inbox was full LOL. anyway.... ya idk I've found no timeline for friendship.... one person on another forum said it was about 3 months after she ended she met hers for lunch...

I do know I would be giving up seeing him as a therapist in the future and i am 100% ok with that. i dont expect it to go well though i just hope he handles it well because, i probably will want to run out and never come back after the rejection
 
. I just am expecting No though because nothing good happens to me. I don't get my hopes up for things anymore.

You have been surrounded by bad for a very long time. I never used to believe that there were any good people that existed because of this reason in my life until I met one friend that used to tell me that there were all kind so good people around I had just not found them yet and it took me a couple of years to believe him.

There is so much good awaiting you sometime in your future. If you can just continue with your healing and recovery and do not give up on yourself the good will begin to happen slowly at first. You will also get healthier mentally and spiritually and recieve the good waiting around the corner for you and I will believe it for you until you can too.
 
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