Other What's wrong with me?

F

Frosty

Hello everyone. So what would I write in this box? I don't know how to explain myself very well. There seems to be something wrong with me but I have a hard time saying what it is. I'm not sure I'm gonna post this, I'm just writing to see what comes.

I feel scared a lot of the time that things won't work out. I have social anxiety that I desperately try to hide from people, always have. I don't want to appear to be vulnerable because I think people won't like it, or they'll take advantage of me. I feel I carry a false front and I've been working a lot on myself to get to a more real and honest place with people but I'm always scared that I can't. I can't do it. I need to hide shameful aspects of myself and that takes up a lot of energy. I would like to have more confidence and feel more like a real person, not a fake one.

My mind is constantly coming up with negative images of myself. I don't like myself. I suck. I've been working on myself for years and years and even though I seem to be getting better, it's like there's something in the way of me really feeling better. Like there's this core that's just not good enough. Always scared. Not living up to expectations of myself and others and feeling guilty about that. I wonder what's wrong with me ?

I want to call a friend. But I won't. That's me. I don't do what I want to do, because, well, I could be at home doing nothing instead and that's much safer and more comfortable. I seem stuck, like I'm not really progressing, though I might tell myself that I am. Maybe I am. It's just I'm not seeing the changes I hoped for and maybe I'm just fantasising.

I don't want to post this because I think it's lame, what I wrote. I'm very judgemental of myself, you see ? I'm gonna post it and then I'm gonna worry/wonder if anyone has replied so I can feel valid. I don't think that I'm valid. I think I'm strange. I think I'm like my strange father and I'm very resistant to being like him and then I worry I'm exactly like him. Some family members like to point it out just how much I'm like him and I hate it but I actually don't think they mean it in a derogative sense. I tend to take it that way because I judge him hard apparently. He died last year. I feel bad for thinking so badly of him and I'm not sure why I'm so resistant to looking like him, having his personality.

I feel bad for writing this. I'll post it anyway. Thanks for reading.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello frosty. welcome to the forum. we can't diagnose you here, but you have listed quite a few symptoms that are hot topic here in this forum. ptsd is not the only condition that can cause these symptoms, but self-criticism, etc., often respond to the same psychotherapy tools, regardless of cause. i hope you'll feel free to ask questions and look for emotional support while you try to find the you you were meant to be, regardless of what is holding you back.

i'm glad you found the courage to post. keep posting.
welcome aboard.
 

ApetorsAngel.

Not Active
Hey there,

You shouldn’t worry about appearing any type of way. You’re not weak or “damaged goods” you’re an individual with feelings and you appear to be dealing with some pretty intense inner emotions.

What you’re feeling matters and whatever it is that is causing you to feel this way may be pretty raw, pretty rough and sensitive but it’s good to talk about it.

You’re on a forum or in a community where there are lots of people who understand how you’re feeling, having been through some pretty terrible things themselves so we understand in a way. I’m willing to bet nobody here is going to judge you in any way.

You’re your own person remember that, unique.
You seem to realize the paths you do not want to go down
Which makes it a lot easier for you to choose and fight for your path.
Like breaking the cycle of toxic traits learned from close family or friends.

I could not say what is going on for sure. If you’re not already, see a psychologist, you’re not weak for doing so. I fought with myself for years after suffering for so long and one day I did it. It turned out to be one of the best things I’ve done and now I look forward to that day every week. It would be an awesome step to take if you’re not already, it sounds like you have a lot to say and are sensitive to the topic.

Anyway, I’m new here but I have experience or have gone through some terrible hinges myself. If you’d like to you can always chat with me personally and I can share some things about myself and you can get to know me if you’d like to talk, or just talk and you do not ever have to share anything that you’re not comfortable with, just know that.
 
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Friday

Moderator
If you haven’t been diagnosed with PTSD, or suspect you may have PTSD? I very strongly suggest NAMI Home | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness As we only focus on a single disorder (PTSD) but NAMI encompasses it all. 😍

The reason we have any “other disorders” tab is because a great many of us are either comorbid (like, I myself, have PTSD & ADHD & an eating disorder), or medical conditions like cancer, fibromyalgia, diabetes, pregnancy, etc. And adding PTSD into that mix? Challenges. Just like cancer support websites also have tabs for things like trauma, or psych. Our primary FOCUS is that we all have PTSD. Plus? Some of us have other disorders/conditions that complicate things.
 
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