F
Frosty
Hello everyone. So what would I write in this box? I don't know how to explain myself very well. There seems to be something wrong with me but I have a hard time saying what it is. I'm not sure I'm gonna post this, I'm just writing to see what comes.
I feel scared a lot of the time that things won't work out. I have social anxiety that I desperately try to hide from people, always have. I don't want to appear to be vulnerable because I think people won't like it, or they'll take advantage of me. I feel I carry a false front and I've been working a lot on myself to get to a more real and honest place with people but I'm always scared that I can't. I can't do it. I need to hide shameful aspects of myself and that takes up a lot of energy. I would like to have more confidence and feel more like a real person, not a fake one.
My mind is constantly coming up with negative images of myself. I don't like myself. I suck. I've been working on myself for years and years and even though I seem to be getting better, it's like there's something in the way of me really feeling better. Like there's this core that's just not good enough. Always scared. Not living up to expectations of myself and others and feeling guilty about that. I wonder what's wrong with me ?
I want to call a friend. But I won't. That's me. I don't do what I want to do, because, well, I could be at home doing nothing instead and that's much safer and more comfortable. I seem stuck, like I'm not really progressing, though I might tell myself that I am. Maybe I am. It's just I'm not seeing the changes I hoped for and maybe I'm just fantasising.
I don't want to post this because I think it's lame, what I wrote. I'm very judgemental of myself, you see ? I'm gonna post it and then I'm gonna worry/wonder if anyone has replied so I can feel valid. I don't think that I'm valid. I think I'm strange. I think I'm like my strange father and I'm very resistant to being like him and then I worry I'm exactly like him. Some family members like to point it out just how much I'm like him and I hate it but I actually don't think they mean it in a derogative sense. I tend to take it that way because I judge him hard apparently. He died last year. I feel bad for thinking so badly of him and I'm not sure why I'm so resistant to looking like him, having his personality.
I feel bad for writing this. I'll post it anyway. Thanks for reading.
I feel scared a lot of the time that things won't work out. I have social anxiety that I desperately try to hide from people, always have. I don't want to appear to be vulnerable because I think people won't like it, or they'll take advantage of me. I feel I carry a false front and I've been working a lot on myself to get to a more real and honest place with people but I'm always scared that I can't. I can't do it. I need to hide shameful aspects of myself and that takes up a lot of energy. I would like to have more confidence and feel more like a real person, not a fake one.
My mind is constantly coming up with negative images of myself. I don't like myself. I suck. I've been working on myself for years and years and even though I seem to be getting better, it's like there's something in the way of me really feeling better. Like there's this core that's just not good enough. Always scared. Not living up to expectations of myself and others and feeling guilty about that. I wonder what's wrong with me ?
I want to call a friend. But I won't. That's me. I don't do what I want to do, because, well, I could be at home doing nothing instead and that's much safer and more comfortable. I seem stuck, like I'm not really progressing, though I might tell myself that I am. Maybe I am. It's just I'm not seeing the changes I hoped for and maybe I'm just fantasising.
I don't want to post this because I think it's lame, what I wrote. I'm very judgemental of myself, you see ? I'm gonna post it and then I'm gonna worry/wonder if anyone has replied so I can feel valid. I don't think that I'm valid. I think I'm strange. I think I'm like my strange father and I'm very resistant to being like him and then I worry I'm exactly like him. Some family members like to point it out just how much I'm like him and I hate it but I actually don't think they mean it in a derogative sense. I tend to take it that way because I judge him hard apparently. He died last year. I feel bad for thinking so badly of him and I'm not sure why I'm so resistant to looking like him, having his personality.
I feel bad for writing this. I'll post it anyway. Thanks for reading.