When All Your "Friends" Turn Their Back On You

[Mel911]

Anyone else out there have issuse of thier "friends" turning thier backs on you and leaving you out in the cold while you are going throught treatment for PTSD? What do you do???? Everyone who said they would support me though treatment has turned their backs on me and instead of being supportive they are "pushing my buttons" and not helping but adding to my stress. What do you do??? I can't point it out to them cause it just starts an arguement and they claim I'm using the "poor me card". My "best friend" won't even talk or joke with me anymore. All I get is negative energy off of her. None of my friends has walked in my shoes and they obviously don't understand. I feel more alone than I did before the treatments. The nightmares and flashbacks have gotten more managable but I still feel like I'm loosing my mind and alone. None of my friends understand what I'm going through and as far as they are concerned, it's my problem. Which it is but as the rest of you know, you can't get through this without help and support from family and friends. Anyone else having problems relating to thier "friends"? What do you do? What do you tell them to do to help you through this time? I don't want to end my friendship but I'm starting to think there are no other options. Help!

 

[anthony]

You may be interested in such topics as: [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread6033.html[/DLMURL]...

 

[pandora]

I too have had many failed relationships that I now know are directly related to the way I act but also the inability of most to research and understand how much of an impact this disorder can and does have on many peoples lives. It is hard to know if we are too sensitive or they are too misunderstanding......I don't know if there is a right or wrong anser to this question..I think I will read the above link too.

 

[Marlene]

I've had 'friends' walk away from me because they couldn't handle my PTSD. It was just too much for them. *shaking head* Whatever! Having PTSD has definately determined who will stay for the tough times and who's just there for the good times. I consider it my acid test.

You have to do what you can live with. Nothing more, nothing less. If your friends are adding to your stress and your illness then you need to, even temporarily, distance yourself while you heal. BTW-unless your friends have PTSD they will never 'get it'. They can't understand what's going on in your mind and your life. It's just one of those things in life that can't be changed. You have to find people who can and will support you (therapist, doctors, support groups) and not ask that same thing of your friends.

Good luck.
Lisa

 

[TLight]

"Friends' come in many different varities. Example.
People you enjoy certain activities with.
People you can bounce ideas off of and get feedback because you respect their opinion.
People you can't talk about your PTSD with.
People you can talk about it with, who you can trust might not always understand but will always be supportive.
People who you work with and maintain boundaries of having a healthy working relationship.


Sometimes, all these 'types' can be rolled into one person, if you are lucky, and you can call that a 'best friend.' I've found, we get very few of those in life.

The best advice I've ever heard: "Choose your friends wisely." The chance of reinjury is too high a price to pay.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I have had friends walk away, and I have walked away from friends. People that don't have PTSD can't understand what we go through. They try, but it just isn't the same.

I think that you have to be a special person to be able to put up with us at times. We can be difficult to understand, or even tolerate at times. Hell there have been times I couldn't stand myself or my behavior.

I have removed all of the toxic people from my life, yes it can be lonely at times because most of them are family, but my sanity is more important than anything.

 

[trial'n'error]

I just learned a very difficult lesson by having the person I thought of as my "best" friend quit talking to me with no explanation. This happened after I realized /remembered I was abused by my mom, and was in a few-day period of paranoia and terror about other people, and I lashed out. I was not in the here and now reality - I was reacting as if I was still a hurt terrified child. My husband and daughter asked me not to take it out on them, my best friend vanished. It's been over a month and it really hurts, but I guess that's the breaks and part of my recovery. I have to control my behavior somehow (or avoid people when I'm in that state) if I want people to stick around, even if it's incredibly difficult.

 

[Nicolette]

Before you read what I have written please understand I am trying to offer a view from the other side of the fence. I do not wish to antagonise anyone with PTSD or invalidate their suffering. My intention is to offer you some thoughts which some of your friends may have thought.

As a 'friend' of someone who has PTSD my thoughts are these - I agree that I can never understand PTSD but I can and have learned to have an appreciation for what it may be like.

Conversely I think some PTSD sufferers forget how dramatic their reactions are and how frightening they can be sometimes to someone who has no idea of what they are dealing with. I have learned that I cannot apply logic or reason to try and understand a sufferer when they are very ill. To someone who has a history of abuse (but not PTSD etc) it can be quite daunting being lashed out at from someone who is supposed to be their friend. Especially if they are trying to change their patterning and not allow themselves to be abused. While a sufferer with PTSD may only be reacting to their illness it is still very hard to separate it from abuse and not take it personally when the sufferer is lashing out at you.

What I think I need to say as a 'friend' is that a sufferer can help their friends understand them better by trying to meet them some of the way and work out what the friend relates to. I like to read and learn so Anthony gave me literature to read. Some other friends may relate to the movie 'Reign Over Me' as they like watching tv. Of course, it goes without saying that the 'friend' has to be that type of person who is willing to make the effort and learn. I also found that as a 'friend' I need to be really strong and definite with my boundaries so that while I may see a PTSD sufferer ill it does not become my punishment too.

Living with PTSD has taught me (although sometimes difficult) that the issue may not be about me but I may wear the brunt of the pain/frustration/illness. Luckily for me I have not had to deal with full blown PTSD and I can only empathise with those who suffer from it.

Harsh as it may sound, friendship is a two way street and sometimes its just a case of meeting the right person. If I look back over my life so far my friends have changed as my circumstances did but then there are a few who have been there all the way and are still around.

 

[Irton Pike]

Those who stand with you and, sometimes help bare the load, are very special people. The best!


I am so lucky, because i have two people like that. One of them is my mrs.

 

[cyndi]

I too have been through loosing many friends over this. Many were because my ex isolated me from them, only able to reconnect with a couple. I have very few close friends. Many people seem to like me a lot, want to spend time with me, but few can connect with the world I live in. It hurt for a long time, still stings a bit but it's just the way it is. I "feel out" people by slowly giving them tidbits about my life to see if I want to invest emotionally with them in a friendship. There are very few I can talk to about the real me. I am blessed by having those few. as a matter of fact, you remind me to call them today and tell them I love them. I didn't use to do that. Now that I really know how precious friendship, true friendship is, I tell them. I try to take long hard looks in the mirror to see if I'm being a good friend to them, and intitiate conversation asking them how I can be a better friend the times when I am able to look past my own hands.

I have also looked closely at who adds to my life. I need to surround myself with love and support, not judgement. Life's hard enough, I don't need more addeed to my plate of battles. So, I've narrowed down my friends as well to those who aren't toxic to me but help me along my path and cherish the few I'm left with. This includes my family. I am now an orphan as of today in fact, you may see a post from me later about that.

Hugs, I know this is hard stuff. You are beautiful exactly as you are. Cherish those who enrich your life and you will glow love, attracting others like you who can face life head on to you.

 

[pandora]

I heard this phrase once...People come into our lives for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. I think it is exacerbated with our PTSD but even people without PTSD have failed relationships......