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Childhood When i was little...feel stuck on memory of oral rape

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When I was little my father sexually abused me. One memory is him having oral sex with me and ejacula...
What negative belief are you trying to change? What are you trying to change it to?

Also, I was blocked in my big trauma because stuff from my childhood kept entering my head, so we started a set on that. I am currently not doing too great with it. Spent the whole week where my brain toggles between being 9 years old and my college rape.
 
Don't be sorry.

I'm currently having a similar problem. There's a particular part of my rapes as a child that I can't bring myself to say out loud, or even think of clearly. In EMDR, my service dog (I bring her to sessions because I'm afraid of dissociative episodes) interrupts it constantly, sensing the trouble.

I've decided (for now, at least) that I just am not ready to tackle that one particular kind of thing right now. Instead, when I'm stuck, I find a "less threatening" trauma.

What I've noticed in the past is that working through enough "smaller" traumas can really help me learn how to get through bigger ones -- and even help me solve what's troubling me so much about the one I'm stuck with.

Our biggest traumas have a LOT behind them. Sometimes you have to take them in smaller pieces...

Which is frustrating about, because it's nice to just get through it and move on, but at times it's actually much faster to work with other aspects of trama.

I hope that helps :)
 
@Snowflake similar to my negative belief: “ I am ‘marked,’ I am a sexually disgusting person”

My belief to change it to is, “I am normal enough”

When you did the set, did you notice that you were just a small child following instructions? That is all children know how to do. Listen to authority and do what they are told.

I have spent my day fixated on the fact that my friend’s daddy spanked me on my bare bottom after touching me everywhere. I was spanked because I was being punished for being “bad.” He told me that what I did with him was wrong, as if I participated and chose that. The whole situation is a giant pile of shit, really. And I am stuck on the fact that in my family you don’t pull down your pants for a spanking. Plus, I was a good girl and rarely spanked. Sorry to add my trauma loop into your thread.

However, I do think it is a similar dilemma. We didn’t have a choice, so are we really the disgusting ones?

About him, in you... remember that exited your digestive system long ago. Your physical system no longer has a piece of him inside of you, though in flashbacks you probably feel like it is current. Try to focus on your present and keep past in the past.

I am so sorry this happened to you. Wtf is wrong with people?
 
I’m dirty-poisoned. I have a part of my father in me. I feel disgusting.

Becomes..

I was a child abused by my father
My father did horrible things to me
My father taught me to believe I was disgusting but I know that is not true

Positive does not mean happy...it means true

when I get stuck in memories( all the freaking time!) we leave behind the ratings and just go with "sitting" with the memory. That usually happens when I can't accept the memory is true. Once I can do that we can move on to processing it
 
I’m dirty-poisoned. I have a part of my father in me. I feel disgusting.
For me it helped when I read that every single cell in your body lives and dies in a cycle. I cannot remember the time scale but it is pretty short. There is no cell in your body that remains of your father. For me there is no cell in my body that he touched - as all those ones have been replaced by new ones.
I am not sure if I am very clear in what I am trying to get across.
 
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