When is it time to check into a hospital?


When is it time to check in to a hospital?

Hospital trauma is severe for me. Was nearly killed by a nurse who left me isolated for probably two days as a teen. Been continuing to have problems.

I'm working in veterinary medicine field and am afraid to stay away long. Boss needs me, even if couldn't do surgeries. Don't want to leave coworker hanging.

Think I need to be on disability. Not sure what to do. I wouldn't be able to afford housing.

Might be in danger. Been staying at a best friends house for days. Went completely mute for two days straight. Asthma got so bad, couldn't breathe or talk at work. Think I at least need to go part time, but don't know.

I'm crushed. I want to afford things. I can't even have health care. Feels like there's no point in continuing, trying very hard not to make people worried or upset or inconvenienced. Very angry at myself. I just want to get better.


When I brought up my lostness with this to my therapist, my therapist said not to go to the hospital unless/until they take me, but I'm not you and I don't know your sitch, and I'm not qualified to give advice... I do know your feeling, the powerlessness and hopelessness and lostness. I hope you have a therapist, or the hospital connects you with one, and I hope they are helpful. I do also know the trauma feeling connected to a medical profession (dentists for me). If you can connect that negative feeling to the hospital where you were harmed and not go to that hospital - go to one that doesn't hold negative connotations - that may help. I have to do this with dentists and sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't, it's still insanely awful regardless and I feel insane for presenting so traumatized, but that's not my fault I present that way... or theirs. So I tell them I'm gonna freak TF out before I sign up for treatment. Sometimes they don't believe me, and then they see it and are aghast, but like... I warn them soooo... Go get trauma-informed? (Not you, the dentists, or the hospitals, or whomever, I digress.)

Do step back work if you need to - not worth having to go to hospital for... a financial cost/benefit analysis helps me with these decisions. Can't afford not to work but can't afford a hospital either... find a balance. I'm sorry it's so shit. It's so shit. :(