Relationship When Is The Right Time To Communicate??

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A13

Confident
Basically my vet has fell off the wagon,
Stopped seeing his T, stopped his regular exercise, suffering from low moods and is pretty stressed.. the usually snappy, moody and pushing me away!
He seems to be fine at putting the mask on to others on the outside.
However home life is getting pretty difficult. We're going on about a month now and he still seems to be isolating. I've tried on several occasions to try to talk about things, no matter when I try it's not the right time. I also have been fishing about his T, asking indirectly if he will be back. (E.g. Should I buy David* a Christmas gift and nice card to say thanks. He's just snappy and replies "why are you asking this now"?
I'm getting nothing from him, he is here, but HES not here!

I don't know what way to go with this now? Generally he's snapped out of it before now. Do I just let it run its course and hope he comes back to me before Christmas?
The issue is don't think he even realised how low and different he is at the minute. Or maybe he just doesn't want to admit?
Last week i caught a glimpse of the sweet man I first met, I foolishly said to him hey your in great form today and kissed him. He just flipped "I was just f*cking hungry and tired"
What a mistake!!
I know part of the problem is I've been so focused on making sure he's ok I've forgotten about me!
Do I just need to focus on making myself distracted to stop worrying about our relationship that seems fractured and wait it out or is there a way I can help my man?

Does anyone have any useful tips?
 

Litha

New Here
Hi @Adm13 . I'm going through the same thing. Our relationship seems really fraught right now and we probably won't get into couples therapy (which thankfully she has agreed to do) until January. Every time she isolates (we don't live together, so her form of isolation is no contact for up to a week), I get super-invested in what's going on, should we break up, how can I make things better, etc. etc. It's like my mind gets stuck in a groove of trying to fix the relationship, worrying about the relationship, etc. I realized that I really should just focus on my own thing right now. What am I not doing for myself that I used to enjoy? What hobbies can I pick up right now? I would wait it out and do your own thing for a while.

You'll know when it's time to draw whatever boundaries you need to draw to keep yourself happy. Someone on here reminded me that boundaries are for me, not for the relationship, ie. boundaries aren't used to get the other person to do what we want. That was a real eye opener for me. What are your boundaries? If he's snappy, do you leave the room? If he doesn't want to pleasant for Christmas, do you have other pleasant people you can hang out with on that day?

Take care of yourself!
 

Sighs

Sponsor
I wouldn't expect him "back" until after Christmas. Christmas is an awful day for most veterans. Mine sits around the house in tears all day. One of his mates was killed while his wife was pregnant. Their little boy never got to spend a Christmas with his dad. Brings my man to tears every Christmas.
 

A13

Confident
hey guys, Thank you for posting. I appreciate all replies. @Litha I found yours particularly helpful. I completely understand that we shouldn't get sucked in and focus on how to improve things but I just worry for our relationship.
What are your boundaries?
Being completely honest I don't actually have any set boundaries. I think that is why I'm struggling. It's definitely something that I need to apply. For my sanity too.

Thank you again. Much appreciated:)
 
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