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When t says something about time frame does it bother you?

Discussion in 'Treatment & Therapy' started by RoadtoHappy, Apr 19, 2018.

  1. RoadtoHappy

    RoadtoHappy Active Member


    I have an amazing T that is very specialized and great at what she does. We have worked together for a year now and made some great progress. There is just something that really upsets me/bothers me. My main assault was 16 years ago.. When I was only 14.It was prolonged and by a stranger. It haunts me to this day and I have only disclosed it in the past 5 years, and started to work on it, report to police and tell family in past 1.5 years.

    The thing that really upsets me is when my T points out it was 16 years ago. I know how long ago it was. I know I should not let my thoughts be consumed by it and should not be so focused on it but I cant help it. I was diagnosed with PTSD and when we discuss details of the trauma its like certain parts only happened yesterday. I know she says it because she is trying to get my head into the present and to make me realize how long ago it actually was but it just makes me feel more useless and worthless and like a fool that is going on and over the same old thing. Not making the progress I should be or being pathetic for letting something 16 years ago have so much presence in my present if that makes sense.

    Anyone else get annoyed or upset over something like this or a certain thing someone keeps saying to you?
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  3. Suzetig

    Suzetig Still the Staff Kitteh... Moderator Sponsor $100+

    My T mentions the timeframe of a particular trauma of mine and I wriggle every single time she does it - it’s become a standing connection between us that she’ll mention it and comment on my reaction. She does it to remind me just how strong, determined and tolerant I am - many people would have broke down long before I did - and to help me use the characteristics I drew on then to help my recovery now.

    She’ll also comment on how long ago particular trauma happened, not to suggest I should be over it by now but to remind me of the impact it’s had on my life long term when I’m minimsing what happened to me.
  4. Mach123

    Mach123 I'm a VIP Premium Member Donated

    I would have to correct her and probably not do myself any good. I'd do it anyway though because just thinking about it makes me all vulnerable. Last time someone said that to me it stuck in my head and I wanted to call her back (a nurse) and say "don't ever say that to someone with CSA." That was long ago get over it is not cool to even insinuate and that kind of response kept me from getting help for years. It never left me at all and time has no effect on it. So yeah, I'd be all mad. IDK if that's ok or not but I'd flip out so hopefully you can do better with the situation than I could.
  5. Still Standing

    Still Standing I'm a VIP

    Mine does the same as Suztetig's T but mine reminds me that all the abuse and trauma can no longer hurt me. I am in a safe place now. "Safe" as physically. It is my mind that is still in reaction and survival mode. But, it has only been the last 3 weeks or so that I realized there was a timeline. I have coped by simply categorizing everything as "events". So, my T referencing a timeline has had no impact on me.
    Searching4Self and Mach123 like this.
  6. DharmaGirl

    DharmaGirl Crazy Chicken Lady Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    I would ask what point she is trying to make. My abuse happened a long time ago, but my symptoms are happening today.
    RoadtoHappy and Mach123 like this.
  7. hithere

    hithere Well-Known Member

    My T has said things like this too and each time it really derailed me and confused me in many ways. I never said anything about it because at the time was not able to speak freely in therapy at all. I had a lot of dissociation and fear of the therapist and afraid I would do something wrong and then terminated. I finally after a year I said that the comment bothered me. The only answer was that the t wanted me to see I'm in a different time. I don't think these commens helped me at all. It took me decades until I had grown enough and had enough courage to face these things, that I"d rather leave forgotten and undealt with. I think validation such as, "I know this must be hard to talk about," or, "you are being courageous to deal with this," would have helped me loosen up and settle into therapy. Instead it felt dismissive and accusatory.
    piratelady likes this.
  8. FauxLiz

    FauxLiz Well-Known Member Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    My situation isn’t about a time frame but what to call what occurred between my brother and I when I was a toddler and early grade school age. I am unable to put a name or word to my T calls it sexual assault. While I know that is what it was and I can call what other men did to me sexual assault because he was my brother I struggle to put that label on it. So when T calls it SA it spikes my anxiety makes me uncomfortable and even angry.
  9. Harmonics

    Harmonics Member

    My T does this, and at first I really struggled with it. It feel like T was diminishing what I have been through. Gradually it is becoming a tool that I use to try to ground myself, reminding myself that these are memories, not current happenings. T says this is part of the process of changing the flashbacks that feel like they are current events that I am in to memories of the trauma that happened in the past.
  10. grit

    grit Active Member

    Wow! I am so sorry guys/gals about this. wow just wow!

    I cannot believe you guys/gals let the therapist get away with this, esp., if you are a paying client.

    To me, I feel I am in therapy to get help not to be scolded and not to be feeling like the therapist is becoming/acting like my mother or treating me like an infant even if I act like one. After all the infant is not paying for the therapy. Of course I am aware of transference and if I feel odd or awkward or worse angry, I take it and process it and bring it up when I am cool and collected. I tell the therapist just as I would to my husband if he did something so annoying that I was ruminating it about couple days. I bring it faster to my husband than a therapist for the simple fact that my husband is not going to say, so tell me more about this...parf!

    If I were you, and I am not you but if I was in your shoes, I would just say to the T, I find very anxious and disrespectful when you mentioned the time frame of my rape so if you are trying to bring me back in the here and now, could you please use something that is not related to my trauma.
    I would appreciate that. Thank you.

    The therapist cannot move in your progress faster than you! if you want to talk about this incident for the next 10yrs THAT IS YOUR CHOICE. where exactly is this therapist going that he or she is in rush?

    I think sometimes therapists see so many people getting lost in their trauma and they think they can walk all over.
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