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When the strength gives out.

Discussion in 'Dysregulation' started by turkishfrankk7, Oct 12, 2017.

  1. turkishfrankk7

    turkishfrankk7 New Member

    I have an issue that when my ptsd and anxiety are full horde for weeks into months I will have a breakdown. Mine aren't just ones where I'm just sitting in a ball and crying. I get very violent, in the privacy of my own home and alone. I will break lots of things and scream uncontrollably for over an hour. it only happens maybe a couple times a year when my mental illnesses will not let up and I cannot find any relief what so ever.

    just this past weekend I had one, but this time it was in front of a few people and I am entirely embarrassed. I was smashing my limbs against things and sobbing while screaming. these past couple weeks have been so strenuous, constant panic attacks and persistent anxiety. I cant fully sleep, I don't really eat and I guess I snapped. I did have some drinks and I think perhaps it played a part in the non subtlety of exposing it to people. but I just cant believe I let people see that side of me...

    I have chalked the feelings of being overwhelmed to the unhealthy relationship I am in because that's pretty much the only contributing factor right now to my anxiety... I start my days off so good and the moment he texts its about something that makes me feel anxious. every. single. day.. I haven't had an episode in almost two years... its definitely thrown up some flags to look at my surroundings.

    does anyone else do this? just have an insane freak out? I feel absolutely ashamed.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 12, 2017
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  3. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

    Recovery4Me likes this.
  4. SpiritSong

    SpiritSong Before Dawn, my favorite time of day Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    I have had the screaming fits at the top of my lungs but not the other parts. I have done it twice so far. It would not seem to be that bad, except that my apartment building that I live in has paper thin walls and you can hear folks snoring or coughing, so I KNOW that my neighbors heard me. Yup. IT IS EMBARRASSING! I tried to apologize to my neighbors about it and she said she "did not hear a thing" and it took me awhile to understand, because her husband is always home, that they CHOSE not to hear me. In other words, they understood that sometimes you just get to a point in life where you just can't take it any more and you burst. Maybe one or both of them had been to that place before or something too, so they maybe understood. Or maybe they were just being polite. Anyway, they were always nice to me, though not overly nice, just pleasant. They did not invite me in or anything. They would just greet me nicely and be on their way. Well, she would anyway. He hardly ever came out of their apartment. He was, I think, a hermit.
    Recovery4Me and Freida like this.
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