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Relationship When words and actions don't match

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PBJ0309

All our lives we're taught that actions speak louder than words. But does this still apply in the case of PTSD? For example, how do you square someone telling you they love you so much only to disappear for weeks on end? Or when they say they love you but then take their misplaced anger out on you? Should you still believe what their actions show over what they say, or make an exception and take their words at face value?
 
PTSD is a tough call, being a mental illness, thus words and actions will not match due to mental illness. One or the other will be right, and that is the tough choice supporters must make.

As a sufferer, my words and actions did not match, but it was me who left two marriages and some relationships in-between, as what I said was really to make someone else feel better, but then I went and did things contrary to my words. That was on me. At the time I would not admit that to myself... hindsight is different.

You know you best. You know your situation best. You know your partner enough to know whether mental illness is the winner or not. A person has to own their shit and change. People really do, and can, change IF they want to. We make excuses for lots of things in our lives... and everyone has a line in which they simply refuse to pass and call something quits. We make those choices for ourselves too, and thus must accept the consequences of such choices.

Nobody can tell you which is better. Whilst we may be told actions speak louder than words, in some cases, words speak louder than actions, and even a combination. We are told lots of shit growing up to make excuses, make ourselves feel better, to empart our belief systems upon our children or others. At the end of the day, you make your choices based on the information you have in front of you.
 
A month ago he said I was his soulmate and the person who feels like home, and that his feelings for me can never change. Then I was home for a visit and he didn't come see me, and yesterday was my birthday, and I never heard from him. I just don't understand. Why even say all those things in the first place then?
 
Why even say all those things in the first place then?
Either he meant it, or he didn’t.
Eiher he still believes that, or he no longer does, or never did.

^^^ Does any combination of those answers alter what you need & want from a relationship?
 
Definitely not the kind of relationship I want, if you can even call it that at all. But trying to understand the thought process can sometimes help to not feel so rejected. This is a really bad time of year for him in general with several anniversaries (combat vet).
 
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