Where is the balance between trusting too much and not at all?

Lionheart

Sponsor
I trust people too easily and in that respect, I am very naive. Or I don't trust them at all. How do I find a good balance of trust with others? I am usually too open, too soon, with too many people, and then I pay the price for it. Is it simply a matter of self-love or something deeper? I must admit I am lost as to why I tend to trust so easily and I cannot continue to behave that way. And I wonder why the two extremes?

Thanks in advance for any and all replies.

Lionheart
 
Last edited:

grief

Sponsor
what has helped me is being assured in myself. i don't rely on other people. in a sense i don't trust anyone. but i will be open with people. if i am in a place to handle whatever responses they have. i just make sure i am "there" first.

or i will analyze the situation of seeing if they are my ally or my enemy. that kind of thing. but the most pain comes from expecting others to handle me with care. and that not happening. so that expectation has decreased.
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
what has helped me is being assured in myself.
That seems to be a problem for me @grief, I seem to be fundamentally unsure of myself so I go with the "throw-away" style of trusting. I am learning tho to work a little harder on some of the damage that was done through my traumas. I want to be able to trust people but generally, I don't and I say that but in reality, I trust too much, too soon, and too deeply. I suppose I need to slow down.
 

Bubblegum

Learning
I go through this as well, I had an episode recently where my gut feeling told me to run away, that there were too many red flags. And I ended up brushing it off as paranoia. The person involved shared a lot of personality traits with a former abuser of mine, and I found out they were a narc the hard way, and by then it was too late, I already found myself with a knife in my back.

For me its hard to figure out if its paranoia or not, but from now on I try to rely on my instincts more, even if its hard. It also helps to get a second opinon from a good friend, to figure out if your suspicions are warranted.

As for oversharing (I do that too) try to share over a voice call rather than text, if you feel like you have to share, that way you dont have to worry about "receipts" being used against you in the future.
 

grief

Sponsor
I want to be able to trust people but generally, I don't and I say that but in reality, I trust too much
nothing wrong with that. it's just important to be able to handle it when people don't act in your best interests. i have found relying on other people to take care of my emotions? doesn't work.

even if they mean well. i will still take something the wrong way or invent a reason why they secretly hate me. it's much more stable to instead be able to cope with my own distress. but that's me-my issues are emotional.

physically speaking? i have long since learned what situations are safe and unsafe. and that is purely academic. i had no correct sense of that for many years and sometimes still don't.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
I think it just takes time to build up trust no matter what the relationship. Respect and trust have to be earned. It's a shame though because we all need to be able to trust others. We need that. (Edited) Also just to add, I trust more people on here than I do in real life! That's saying something!
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
Thank you @Survivor3 I totally agree with you. I am a very open, friendly type of person with very little to hide from others, but there are instances when being too honest and trusting too soon can get me hurt. But I need to slow it down and build the trust slowly. I just have never had that behavior modeled for me so it is kinda difficult for me to understand as I have never seen it done.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you @Survivor3 I totally agree with you. I am a very open, friendly type of person with very little to hide from others, but there are instances when being too honest and trusting too soon can get me hurt. But I need to slow it down and build the trust slowly. I just have never had that behavior modeled for me so it is kinda difficult for me to understand as I have never seen it done.
Yes, well if we haven't been taught that then we don't have those skills and aren't aware of it. We have to learn the hard way unfortunately.

I trust you @Lionheart. If I met you in real life I think we would be good friends!
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
No doubt we would be fast friends @Survivor3 and that makes me happy. :) Sorry for the delay I am trying to track down my daughter and do too many things at one time lol

It just suddenly dawned on me that it is who I am trusting that is the problem. I am trusting other people over my own intuition because of the conditioning that trauma placed on me. So I have been asking the wrong question. I need to ask this instead., How do I learn to trust my intuition more?

Oh thank you Universe, the answer just came to me. Practice, practice, practice.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
I don't trust anyone. Until I do. That means they have shown me they can be trusted. They don't know that I have them on 'hold' until I see if it's worth me putting myself out there.

But my gut NEVER lies. NEVER. If my gut says no, then I listen. Every single time I didn't, it was chaos.

And like @Survivor3 said, I trust more people here than I do in real life. Partly because there is no reward for lying here.
 
Top