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who am I?

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Hi guys.

I need help with a little problem. Those of you that have read my previous threads will know a little background about me but I need help with this certain issue.

I don't know who iam.

I know im female obviously....but I get mistaken for a guy/lesbian. I have short hair like shaved round the back and sides and longer on top. I have tattoos and I wear guys clothes and deodorant. I act and behave like a guy. Im not a lesbian as I have no feelings for either gender (asexual has been mentioned before but im not to sure I fit in to this "box") Maybe im trying to get rid of the person I was. As I mentioned in my previous thread my late partner would never let me cut my hair and I had to dress "like a lady". Pah im deffo not a lady. I swear,burp and fart as much as the next person.

Am I trying to be someone who didn't go through the trauma?

I met a lesbian once who did actually think I was a lesbian so I must be convincing!

Could this be dissociation from my past life? Or am I just being the person im meant to be?

I know I deffo don't want to look like I used to look as I don't want guys to try it on.

Oh I just don't know anymore. When I wear girly stuff I look like lesbian. When I wear blokes stuff I look like a bloke. Im comfortable with who iam now. I feel like im not trying to be a fake. Id rather sit with blokes in a pub while im in jeans and tshirt than sit in a pub with a bunch of girls wearing a dress and make up and laughing like a hyena on helium!

Any advice would be awesome guys. Lets help me put a name to this "thing"
 
Could this be dissociation from my past life? Or am I just being the person im meant to be?
It sounds more like you just have a very narrow idea of what being a 'woman' is.

Short hair.
Jeans and shirt.
Burping. Farting.
Tough as nails.
=
A human being.

None of the things you've mentioned indicate to me that you're either male or female. Just...human.
 
What does a lesbian look like?
I'm one.
And I wear high heels, and make up, and have long hair. And I do DIY, and sports, and have a tool belt.

A hair style doesn't make a sexuality.

I wonder where you are in the world and what are the messages about gender and sexuality that you have been brought up with?

If you're comfortable with your hair as it is, all it means is that you like your hairstyle.

If you feel comfortable wearing certain clothes, it means you like those clothes.

What you're describing in trying to find out who you are , are external things of clothes and hair. Rather than you on the inside.
 
gentle empathy, unicorn. i've been wrestling with this body of questions since i became the first girl in the illinois gifted math and science program (1964, age 10) and was called a lesbian for the first time. what's a lesbian? the gift was math and science, not sociology. my androgenous features and my child prostitute's dislike for attracting sexual predators didn't help the cause any. here in my old age, i am even less willing to take on the work of maintaining gender distinctions.

what am i? just me. take it or leave it. those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
the folks who don't matter have my blessing to call me whatever gets **my** life to work in **their** heads. i don't even want an invite to that gossip session.
 
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