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Who struggles with Self-Acceptance?

Digz

Confident
Thread starter #1
I have found self-acceptance very difficult for a long time. After coming back to therapy it has become a focus again. I am finding it very challenging and very anxiety-inducing but I think I am finally, for the first time in over a decade, making some little steps of progress. It is scary and hard but hopefully very beneficial.

Just wondering who else struggles with self-acceptance? Have you tried to address it in therapy or successfully addressed it already ?
 
#2
I think it's the core issue? There are a lot of peripheral issues . Like when I say shame for instance, what's that besides a lack of self acceptance or poor self esteem. I remember when I first heard the concept about 40 years ago they called it low self esteem. All these years later and I still only barely have a handle on it if at all.

Saying I'm sorry all the time. Like please accept me because I can't accept myself, Not being able to be alone with myself, settling for less etc.
 

Digz

Confident
Thread starter #3
Oh yes, saying sorry all the time is such a big one for me too! So much so that even my husband says to me, 'Why are you sorry? There's nothing to be sorry for!' My core belief at its biggest over-arching level for a long time has been 'I am sh*#'. It's funny because I actually thought I had moved past that belief but as I delved back into things it was still there all this time. For the first time this week I have been able to say that I can see that might not be true. But it's amazing how stating something so small like that can make me so anxious and make me feel so bad! I guess when you're disrupting something that's been a core belief for life, it's bound to be challenging though!
 

Digz

Confident
Thread starter #5
@Friday, Just learning to accept yourself as you are, learning that imperfection is okay, learning to not judge ourselves. Self-acceptance is about having more self-compassion. It's about looking at what aspects of ourselves we don't accept, moving away from guilt, self-criticisms and denials. It's recognising that you don't have to feel guilt or shame and that you are not perfect but you can be okay with how you are. A lot of it I think, is about breaking away from ways you might have been taught to view yourself and embracing the whole of you with more compassion. It's kind of new to me, I've only just started learning it, but it is different to self-esteem which is more about the value you place on yourself.
 

grit

MyPTSD Pro
#7
One thing I notice often is and maybe it is cultural but the denial of shame. Shame is good sometimes....
When I feel shame, I ask why rather than ooh nooo.
So as part of my learning and growing, I feel shame, I find either it is a body memory like I was reduced and remberingvit automatically or I did, said (like lying) or felt a negative something and how would I ever know if shame feeling was nt alerting me?
The first one, I practice self compassion and the second I practice gratitude to say at least I know that feeling now.

I still struggle self acceptance too because I am a product of severe projection parenting but little by little I finding myself little by little and recognize... The apple did fall too far but fell far enough. 🍎
 
#8
@Friday, Just learning to accept yourself as you are, learning that imperfection is okay, learning to not judge ourselves. Self-acceptance is about having more self-compassion. It's about looking at what aspects of ourselves we don't accept, moving away from guilt, self-criticisms and denials. It's recognising that you don't have to feel guilt or shame and that you are not perfect but you can be okay with how you are. A lot of it I think, is about breaking away from ways you might have been taught to view yourself and embracing the whole of you with more compassion. It's kind of new to me, I've only just started learning it, but it is different to self-esteem which is more about the value you place on yourself
Thanks! :D Then, nope. I don’t struggle with it at all, because f*ck that noise. The day I’m not striving to be a better person than I am they can light me on fire, slide my body out to sea, or bury me deep.
 
#10
My self esteem hasn't always been so great either.

I never thought that I was worthless. But I used to be hard on myself too much. I still am, sort of, although not as bad as I used to be.

By being too hard on yourself, you aren't doing yourself any favors. And by being too hard on yourself, you're overlooking the good aspects about yourself.

Why do that to yourself for?
 
#11
If you treat people fairly, do your best to do no harm, (treating people fairly includes yourself) and cut yourself some slack, as you would someone you liked, for things that are due to ill health or other limitations that are "fair enough" I'm pretty sure you will build self respect and esteem for yourself.

If you act in a way that shows you are really making an effort, then self respect grows.

BUT you have to address unhelpful beliefs, undermining beliefs, mean beliefs and excuses are not going to allow yourself to build self respect.

I think acceptance is helpful in allowing you to stop fighting a situation that is fruitless to keep fighting, but if you want to respect yourself, do things that you can respect yourself for and build from there. It's lots of applying and doing kind and courageous things that earns it, in my experience.
 
#12
As a hard-core perfectionist or as my husband says, someone who lives with obsessive compulsive "enhancement," self-acceptance seems out of the question. I mean, I get where I am and what I am but I can't accept these things. They are just starting points to me. If I accepted them, wouldn't I get stuck here? I would think so.

I dunno, it seems like it may be a healthy idea but for someone else. I can't even wrap my head around the concept.
 
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