Why am I even alive?

[8888]

I’m really struggling. He ruined my life. I’m not functioning. I haven’t showered in 3 weeks, my hair is matted, and I only brush my teeth once every couple of days. I’m oversleeping and am neglecting my responsibilities. I don’t know why I’m alive. I wish I wasn’t. Therapy doesn’t seem to be helping. My therapist is decent, I guess I’m just too broken. I take my meds but they seem minimally helpful. People close to me keep telling me to get a job. It hurts that they don‘t see how much I am struggling. I do hope to have a job one day but right now just surviving feels like a full-time job. My housemate says I’m always depressed. Which is true, but it’s getting worse and nobody seems to care. Last time I told one of the staff here (I live in a group home) that I was having suicidal thoughts she just sent me to bed. She supposedly got some training since then, but I don’t exactly want to go back to her if it becomes more of a problem. I don‘t even know what to do anymore.

 

[Movingforward10]

Have you told your T what it's like for you right now?

It sounds a very very difficult place that you're in. I hope you can see hope for you that this will get easier.
People say things because they don't know what to do, ike get a job). I'm sure it comes from a good place but it doesn't help and can feel invalidating.

Are you able to break things down a little?
Maybe have a plan of congratulating yourself when you brush your teeth every other day. Because that is an achievement. Rather than beating yourself up that you brush your teeth every other day.
Maybe that's your plan at the moment: at the moment all I can manage is brushing my teeth every other day.

 

[Tinyflame]

Aw @8888 , what has brought you such great pain? 😥 Maybe the memories and therefore the feeling worsens? Sitting with you and hugs and love.

Do try to sleep, and do one thing at least for self care tomorrow. 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

ETA, I think all people are interconnected @8888 . And the goodness you send out in to the Universe, including by just being, and which can never be destroyed, is very much needed. Crucial even. ❤️

 

[8888]

@Movingforward10 Yes, I spoke to my t. I like that idea. Thank you!
@CoolBreezeonahotday Yeah, it is the memories. I did get some sleep and will do self-care. That’s true, I suppose I do serve some function on this earth.

 

[caroline_13]

@Movingforward10 Yes, I spoke to my t. I like that idea. Thank you!
@CoolBreezeonahotday Yeah, it is the memories. I did get some sleep and will do self-care. That’s true, I suppose I do serve some function on this earth.

But look at you, functional enough to post to this group! Lots of us (me included) don't post when we're struggling a lot.

 

[8888]

But look at you, functional enough to post to this group! Lots of us (me included) don't post when we're struggling a lot.

That’s true, I hadn’t thought of that. Thanks.

 

[FlyingDove]

I’m really struggling. He ruined my life. I’m not functioning. I haven’t showered in 3 weeks, my hair is matted, and I only brush my teeth once every couple of days. I’m oversleeping and am neglecting my responsibilities. I don’t know why I’m alive. I wish I wasn’t. Therapy doesn’t seem to be helping. My therapist is decent, I guess I’m just too broken. I take my meds but they seem minimally helpful. People close to me keep telling me to get a job. It hurts that they don‘t see how much I am struggling. I do hope to have a job one day but right now just surviving feels like a full-time job. My housemate says I’m always depressed. Which is true, but it’s getting worse and nobody seems to care. Last time I told one of the staff here (I live in a group home) that I was having suicidal thoughts she just sent me to bed. She supposedly got some training since then, but I don’t exactly want to go back to her if it becomes more of a problem. I don‘t even know what to do anymore.

My brother the so called golden child once said to me as I was recovering from a craniotomy and bacterial meningitis of my brain- stand on your own 2 feet. He got what he wanted. People say unhelpful things . I got enough help - therapy lawyers medical treatment- he got what he asked for.