Why am i like this?

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Kopykat

MyPTSD Pro
Had to get refills on almost all my meds and the new one of Ativan and it’s hard to not think about suicide and taking everything. Over 1000 pills. Struggling w medical issues, had another setback today w an appt. I see the pills and a voice from no where after doing ok just yells “end it” and I get mad for entertaining it.
 

AnD

MyPTSD Pro
I had that same issue when I had medication at home. I sat a limit on how much I could have at home. A low limit so I couldnt off myself.

The voices and obsession did not stop but at least I could say, ok I hear you. You know we cant do it with these pills.

I also tried to find out why I was in so much pain that I felt the need to end it. One of my parts, my child part, was the one that was mostly interested. My teen part wanted to get high.

Can you keep some of it at a friends house, or a P.O box or somewhere where it is hard to get a hold of it?

Stay safe
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
I think it's very healthy that you got angry at the thoughts !! But like @AnD shared, is there someone or someplace you can put what you don't need right away??? That's just insurance. And lord knows, if we have to work hard at something, like getting the meds from some complicated source, we will talk our self out of it, just because it's too damned complicated !!!

Not making light of your thoughts or the situation... but if we make it difficult, which we are good at, it is really self care in the long run.

And remind your self that feeling anger at that thought is healthy !! Let us know how you are doing... thinking of you... gentle hugs if you accept. :hug::hug:
 

Kopykat

MyPTSD Pro
@AnD and @ladee thanks for responding. I have some lock boxes I could put them in and then put them somewhere inconvenient. I know what you’re saying about if it’s inconvenient to get to I’m less likely to be impulsive.

I’m usually fine w normal prescription meds for like acid reflux but I get edgy w psych meds and pain meds. My psych wanted me to advocate to my pain doctor to get better pain meds bc I’ve been in a lot of pain and I just have been reluctant to do so. I just don’t trust myself.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
great solution... it is good self care , when we don't trust our self, first to share, then to take an action that keeps us safe.. You can at least trust you reached out, heard you were being supported, and chose a safe action for your self.. In many ways, this can be the beginning of self trust.. that you can trust your self to do what you need to do to keep yourself safe... Very proud of you !! Keep us posted... we are here for you..
 

Friday

Moderator
’m usually fine w normal prescription meds for like acid reflux but I get edgy w psych meds and pain meds. My psych wanted me to advocate to my pain doctor to get better pain meds bc I’ve been in a lot of pain and I just have been reluctant to do so. I just don’t trust myself
You can set it up with most pharmacies to pick up your monthly prescriptions weekly. Some will do daily.
 

Kopykat

MyPTSD Pro
@Friday I may have to do that. I feel weak. For the most part I know I will be fine but I have those fleeting moments that are like “hey, die” and if my day is bad enough, I’ll really start considering it. I know there’s a big difference between thinking and then action, it’s been awhile since I’ve wanted to legit take action. Just hate that my mind goes there.
 
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