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Why am i said when i talk to my sick grandma?

Discussion in 'Death' started by Chitoshi, Jan 24, 2018.

  1. Chitoshi

    Chitoshi Well-Known Member

    Hi everyone,

    I've been dealing with the diagnosis and subsequent long, drawn out aggressive cancer treatment that my grandma has been going through.

    I used to call her every few weeks to a month before this, and now I'm talking to her every day or every other day because she calls me and wants to talk about my life and about how she's tired all the time, how she's scared, what side effects of chemo and cancer are bothering her, wants to know how I'm doing, etc.

    It's in her brain, lungs, bones, and back area. It was gone for a week with the last treatment but came back and the last treatment isn't working so they're trying a new one.

    She's been getting progressively worse. She'll call me and I'll call her back and apologize for missing her call and she won't remember. She forgets major things now, too, and panics about it. She called me the other day because she was devastated she forgot my birthday (my birthday is nowhere near recent).

    Lately, I've been crying every time I talk to her and I don't know why. I suspect I'm grieving, but, not to be too blunt, she isn't dead yet so how can that be?

    I'm having trouble working through my feelings on this since I have a lot of other stuff going on, so maybe that compounds it?

    Anyone have any advice? Or books?
    Rain likes this.
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  3. IthinkIcan

    IthinkIcan Member

    I don't know if this counts as advice, but I went through something similar with my grandmother. It was very hard and it's still hard, but it does get easier. It isn't easy to experience someone you love so much going through something so horrible. But it does get easier. Right now, you probably are really understanding what all happens with progressive diseases like cancer and it's too close to you. That's why you're mourning. Though right now it doesn't seem like it, but you really are very strong for always being there for her and giving her an outlet. She must love you very much.
    Rain and Chitoshi like this.
  4. Rain

    Rain To have hope is a choice Banned Premium Member Generous $250+

    I think because one of the most painful things to do in this life is to watch someone you love suffering and fadin away in their mind to not remembering things and to seem so lost. this is a very hard thing that you are doing and I am so sorry that you are grieving.

    There is a good book called On death and dying by Elizabeth kubbler Ross that helped me so much when I was going through something similar with my husband. She also has other books too to look into if you are interested.

    My heart goes out to you and you guys are in my prayers. Take really good care of you.:hug:

    Zoogal and Chitoshi like this.
  5. She Cat

    She Cat Policy Enforcement Banned Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    I think she’s scared, and you are too. And it’s ok..... when my sister was diagnosed and told she only had a couple of months, she called, told me the news and said, “this is the last time we will discuss this, I don’t want to talk about it at all, and if you cry, I will hang up.” She meant every word and stuck to it.

    Everyone deals differently and you’re coping the best that you can right now. This is very painful to go through for both parties... I’m so sorry, but the only thing I can say is cherish the phone calls and Cherish what time she has left.......
    Rain likes this.
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