Why can't I stop thinking about monsters when I try to sleep?

  • Thread starter Monsters at nighr
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M

Monsters at nighr

It's been a while since it last happened, but it was very frequent a year or so ago, and I am actually terrified it might happen again, since I had an episode of those last night.

It's strange, and does not make any sense at all, but sometimes the idea of some kind of monster watching me or attacking me enters my mind at night and I can't seem to get rid of it. It's like whenever I might not notice it, a creature will crawl from behind me and kill me. Sleep will long after come, if it ever does during the night.

I remember one of the worst experiences I had with this. I have always shared a room with my younger sister (until recently), and I used to sleep on one of those beds that are like a drawer that's under another bed, idk if I am making any sense. Anyways, the thing is that there was a black hole by my side and my mind convinced me that there was a monster there, watching me and waiting for me to get distracted to attack me.

You know, since this things used to happen a lot, I sort of developed "mechanisms of self-defence". Like, for example, to sleep facing upwards so that I wouldn't get killed by the flying row an archer might throw at me while sleeping on the top part of a bunk, as the killer wanted me dead, but not my sister, and it might kill her, too. Or, one of the most commons (I guess), that's hiding under the sheets so a shell might protect you from any kind of creature. These made it easier, sleep often coming soon to me.

However, that night, it happened to be summer. And it seemed to be an excellent idea for my mom to not put sheets on bed, since we wouldn't need it. I had no way of protecting myself. I could not hide in a shell, and my sister didn't sleep under me anymore. So I was freaking out. I remember sweating a lot, and heavy breathing. My sister was long asleep while I tried to distract myself with my phone, trying to forget the menacing monster. But the thing is, I was so tired... my eyes hurt a lot, and I needed to close them, but I just couldn't sleep. It was impossible. There was a monster, my eyes could not hurt more, and my mind refused to let me rest.

So, desesperate, I played music. And it seemed to help but... I didn't have earphones so, even at the lowest possible volume, my sister begged me to stop it. I was freaking out so much, but she just wanted to sleep.

So I stopped it, and I cried until the sun rose. Then, finally, when the black hole where that monster hidded was no longer as black as it was at night, and I f*cking finally could see that there was, in fact, no one trying to kill me, I could sleep.

I am writing this because I have no idea what the reason to these occurrences might be. I don't know if it is anxiety, or depression, or just, nothing. But if someone has any idea... or similar experiences, please feel free to share.
 

Friday

Moderator
I don't know if it is anxiety, or depression, or just, nothing. But if someone has any idea... or similar experiences, please feel free to share.
It’s incrediably common to be afraid of blind spots / dark places we can’t see in. Both for adults and children, but children are more known to have over the top reactions to it. So what you experienced could be 100% normal kid afraid fo the dark, kid afraid of monsters… or it could be attached to an underlying disorder making the Himalayas out of nothing, like a car backfiring and dropping to the ground as everything in you is convinced it’s weapons fire, when nope.

Do you have PTSD, or think you might have PTSD? Or Trauma related to bedtime &/or dark spaces &/or suddenly being grabbed and your life being at risk? (Like being raped at night, or trapped in a stairwell after an earthquake, or sucked down a storm drain into a sewer system, or similar?)
 
M

Monsters at night

It’s incrediably common to be afraid of blind spots / dark places we can’t see in. Both for adults and children, but children are more known to have over the top reactions to it. So what you experienced could be 100% normal kid afraid fo the dark, kid afraid of monsters… or it could be attached to an underlying disorder making the Himalayas out of nothing, like a car backfiring and dropping to the ground as everything in you is convinced it’s weapons fire, when nope.

Do you have PTSD, or think you might have PTSD? Or Trauma related to bedtime &/or dark spaces &/or suddenly being grabbed and your life being at risk? (Like being raped at night, or trapped in a stairwell after an earthquake, or sucked down a storm drain into a sewer system, or similar?)
Hello! Thank you for answering!

About PTSD, I don't think so. I recently started going to a psychiatrist because I have been depressed, and nothing that we've talked so far seems to be trauma related with such things. I only remember watching Coraline as a child and having nightmare and terrible nights since, but I don't really think that watching a film can actually cause a trauma haha.

I might confess that I have always been really afraid of darkness, so it might just be it. It somehow reassures me that it is most probably just that, a residue of my girlish fears...
 

Friday

Moderator
About PTSD, I don't think so.
You may not have noticed our site name MyPTSD.com.

You’ll find sleep & nightmare sub-forums on Cancer Forums, Infidelity Forums, Parenting Forums, Rape Forums, Addiction Forums, et cetera.

Rather than seeking answers across a spray-&-pray spectrum of anyone/everyone who deals with nightmares? I’d very strongly recommend exactly that. 🙂 Not the individual forums, specific to a disorder (like PTSD) or part of life (like Parenting), but EVERYTHING.

IE Home | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness <<< All aspects of mental health. In one place.

Also? Best of luck & warm wishes to you. I know finding help, online or in real life, largely depends on luck… or knowing the right keywords 😉 It took me 69 tabs (which is why I remember it) to find the correct keywords for something deeply important to me, not so very long ago. So, truly, best of luck. And warm wishes to you.
 
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