M
Monsters at nighr
It's been a while since it last happened, but it was very frequent a year or so ago, and I am actually terrified it might happen again, since I had an episode of those last night.
It's strange, and does not make any sense at all, but sometimes the idea of some kind of monster watching me or attacking me enters my mind at night and I can't seem to get rid of it. It's like whenever I might not notice it, a creature will crawl from behind me and kill me. Sleep will long after come, if it ever does during the night.
I remember one of the worst experiences I had with this. I have always shared a room with my younger sister (until recently), and I used to sleep on one of those beds that are like a drawer that's under another bed, idk if I am making any sense. Anyways, the thing is that there was a black hole by my side and my mind convinced me that there was a monster there, watching me and waiting for me to get distracted to attack me.
You know, since this things used to happen a lot, I sort of developed "mechanisms of self-defence". Like, for example, to sleep facing upwards so that I wouldn't get killed by the flying row an archer might throw at me while sleeping on the top part of a bunk, as the killer wanted me dead, but not my sister, and it might kill her, too. Or, one of the most commons (I guess), that's hiding under the sheets so a shell might protect you from any kind of creature. These made it easier, sleep often coming soon to me.
However, that night, it happened to be summer. And it seemed to be an excellent idea for my mom to not put sheets on bed, since we wouldn't need it. I had no way of protecting myself. I could not hide in a shell, and my sister didn't sleep under me anymore. So I was freaking out. I remember sweating a lot, and heavy breathing. My sister was long asleep while I tried to distract myself with my phone, trying to forget the menacing monster. But the thing is, I was so tired... my eyes hurt a lot, and I needed to close them, but I just couldn't sleep. It was impossible. There was a monster, my eyes could not hurt more, and my mind refused to let me rest.
So, desesperate, I played music. And it seemed to help but... I didn't have earphones so, even at the lowest possible volume, my sister begged me to stop it. I was freaking out so much, but she just wanted to sleep.
So I stopped it, and I cried until the sun rose. Then, finally, when the black hole where that monster hidded was no longer as black as it was at night, and I f*cking finally could see that there was, in fact, no one trying to kill me, I could sleep.
I am writing this because I have no idea what the reason to these occurrences might be. I don't know if it is anxiety, or depression, or just, nothing. But if someone has any idea... or similar experiences, please feel free to share.
It's strange, and does not make any sense at all, but sometimes the idea of some kind of monster watching me or attacking me enters my mind at night and I can't seem to get rid of it. It's like whenever I might not notice it, a creature will crawl from behind me and kill me. Sleep will long after come, if it ever does during the night.
I remember one of the worst experiences I had with this. I have always shared a room with my younger sister (until recently), and I used to sleep on one of those beds that are like a drawer that's under another bed, idk if I am making any sense. Anyways, the thing is that there was a black hole by my side and my mind convinced me that there was a monster there, watching me and waiting for me to get distracted to attack me.
You know, since this things used to happen a lot, I sort of developed "mechanisms of self-defence". Like, for example, to sleep facing upwards so that I wouldn't get killed by the flying row an archer might throw at me while sleeping on the top part of a bunk, as the killer wanted me dead, but not my sister, and it might kill her, too. Or, one of the most commons (I guess), that's hiding under the sheets so a shell might protect you from any kind of creature. These made it easier, sleep often coming soon to me.
However, that night, it happened to be summer. And it seemed to be an excellent idea for my mom to not put sheets on bed, since we wouldn't need it. I had no way of protecting myself. I could not hide in a shell, and my sister didn't sleep under me anymore. So I was freaking out. I remember sweating a lot, and heavy breathing. My sister was long asleep while I tried to distract myself with my phone, trying to forget the menacing monster. But the thing is, I was so tired... my eyes hurt a lot, and I needed to close them, but I just couldn't sleep. It was impossible. There was a monster, my eyes could not hurt more, and my mind refused to let me rest.
So, desesperate, I played music. And it seemed to help but... I didn't have earphones so, even at the lowest possible volume, my sister begged me to stop it. I was freaking out so much, but she just wanted to sleep.
So I stopped it, and I cried until the sun rose. Then, finally, when the black hole where that monster hidded was no longer as black as it was at night, and I f*cking finally could see that there was, in fact, no one trying to kill me, I could sleep.
I am writing this because I have no idea what the reason to these occurrences might be. I don't know if it is anxiety, or depression, or just, nothing. But if someone has any idea... or similar experiences, please feel free to share.