joeylittle
Sponsor
Support isn't always about agreeing. Sometimes, the best support comes from a challenge. A challenge might enable you to see your patterns in a helpful way; it might be an opportunity to practice separating from emotionally charged situations; it might be a chance to accept that not everyone is going to agree.
Yes, being challenged is inherently stressful - but that doesn't mean it's not useful. Exercising your choice, deciding what you want to take on-board, emotionally/cognitively - that's a critical life skill that can only be exercised in the face of a stressor.
We don't set rules around what kinds of comments are appropriate or inappropriate for exactly this reason.
No one here is the arbiter of 'appropriate' behavior. Administrators are the final arbiter of what is unhelpful for the community as a whole - but that's very different from ensuring that members are acting 'appropriately', because there is no universal definition of 'appropriate'. Your expectations of supportive behavior are not going to be the same as your neighbor's.
Personal attacks? You betcha - they are a problem. We have a rule, and we will act on it. A personal attack is an attack on someone's person, on their character - it is not the same as going after someone's ideas, their thinking. Telling someone that they are spouting bullshit isn't a personal attack. It's blunt, it may be harsh, but it's not an attack. Telling someone that they are full of bullshit is a personal attack.
Not respecting boundaries set by staff? We will thread ban, or lock threads, or temp ban as needed. Staff only set boundaries to keep threads functioning: keep them on-topic, pull them back to topic, or give members who aren't regulating well a heads up that they need to re-gain that basic skill.
Self-regulation: we all do it, and we all screw it up, sometimes. If staff went after every member the moment they started to spiral, there might not be anybody left, on any given day. This place exists for people who live with PTSD, and it's maintained by people who live with PTSD (sufferers and supporters alike).
We do understand. We don't hold grudges. We do look for patterns of behavior that may be more disruptive than beneficial to the community at large.
We identify those patterns two ways: we read the content, and we read reports.
If you see something that you think is spinning out - hit the report button and tell us. Go ahead and respond too, if you want; or take a break, investigate you own feelings in the moment, go make a diary post - ultimately everyone can always use the reminder that your primary business is the process of your own recovery. How someone else may be experiencing their own change and growth is not up to you to control, influence, or judge.
You do you. Let them do them. And if they are pissing you off, take a look at why you're getting angry; because your responsibility begins and ends with your own response. In the end, you are not responsible for teaching anyone but yourself.
The next post will address the second part of the title: what your options are in terms of managing the voices that you find unhelpfully stressful, here on the forum.
Yes, being challenged is inherently stressful - but that doesn't mean it's not useful. Exercising your choice, deciding what you want to take on-board, emotionally/cognitively - that's a critical life skill that can only be exercised in the face of a stressor.
We don't set rules around what kinds of comments are appropriate or inappropriate for exactly this reason.
No one here is the arbiter of 'appropriate' behavior. Administrators are the final arbiter of what is unhelpful for the community as a whole - but that's very different from ensuring that members are acting 'appropriately', because there is no universal definition of 'appropriate'. Your expectations of supportive behavior are not going to be the same as your neighbor's.
Personal attacks? You betcha - they are a problem. We have a rule, and we will act on it. A personal attack is an attack on someone's person, on their character - it is not the same as going after someone's ideas, their thinking. Telling someone that they are spouting bullshit isn't a personal attack. It's blunt, it may be harsh, but it's not an attack. Telling someone that they are full of bullshit is a personal attack.
Not respecting boundaries set by staff? We will thread ban, or lock threads, or temp ban as needed. Staff only set boundaries to keep threads functioning: keep them on-topic, pull them back to topic, or give members who aren't regulating well a heads up that they need to re-gain that basic skill.
Self-regulation: we all do it, and we all screw it up, sometimes. If staff went after every member the moment they started to spiral, there might not be anybody left, on any given day. This place exists for people who live with PTSD, and it's maintained by people who live with PTSD (sufferers and supporters alike).
We do understand. We don't hold grudges. We do look for patterns of behavior that may be more disruptive than beneficial to the community at large.
We identify those patterns two ways: we read the content, and we read reports.
If you see something that you think is spinning out - hit the report button and tell us. Go ahead and respond too, if you want; or take a break, investigate you own feelings in the moment, go make a diary post - ultimately everyone can always use the reminder that your primary business is the process of your own recovery. How someone else may be experiencing their own change and growth is not up to you to control, influence, or judge.
You do you. Let them do them. And if they are pissing you off, take a look at why you're getting angry; because your responsibility begins and ends with your own response. In the end, you are not responsible for teaching anyone but yourself.
The next post will address the second part of the title: what your options are in terms of managing the voices that you find unhelpfully stressful, here on the forum.