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Why Did A Nightmare Change My Life?

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OverLoaded

New Here
Hi I'm looking for support.
I'm running low on options to treat more than one diagnosis that I have.
For over a year and a half I've lost all that I was happy about in life.
I had a lot of trama over my lifetime as I'm sure most do and can manage life with it.
I'm not managing well at all and asking doctors and hospitals for help has made things worse for me.
I had a traumatic nightmare which happens but this one changed me way to much. I live in the place that I had the nightmare about.
When I woke up my eyes couldn't open fast enough and it felt like my eyelid ripped open painfully.
Then my forehead did the same feeling. I was in a panic instantly and when I tried to fall asleep a part in my brain that you feel when going to sleep stopped and now I don't feel tired or able to relax at all.
I've lost the ability to feel emotion or comfort when touched.
Taking baths or showers don't feel good. Buying things I used to enjoy isn't helping anymore.

There is no joy in my life and my cats are scared and stressed because it's been almost 2 years since I was me.
When I leave the house I feel overwhelmed and can't even feel temperature the sun or feel connection to where I am.
I don't feel music or tv anymore doing anything makes my brain go way to fast.
Major Depression disassociated from everything almost lost the ability to talk.
The meds I'm on are hardly working I feel ptsd and anxiety all the time.
There's so much more but I'll expand more soon.
 
Thanks for the post Overloaded. Welcome! Glad you found us you are not alone in this anymore. Lots of caring, supportive folks here to share with. I hope you find the answers you need. Again welcome.
Peace be safe
 
Hi I'm looking for support.
I'm running low on options to treat more than one diagnosis that I have...

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're suffering with. I recently joined this support forum hopes of finding other people who can mutually relate. When I read what you wrote, part of that breaks my heart because it sounds like what I felt for a few years. I went through a variety of diagnoses and medications, none of which really seem to do much more than put a Band-Aid on what was killing me slowly.

I think what's difficult is that everyone's trauma is so different, so positive change looks different for every person. I, like you mentioned, had a long list of experiences that slowly drained the life out of me. It seems like once I got the chemical side in balance I was able to think of it as a mental imbalance, something that I very much could affect.

I added a mood stabilizer to antidepressants and it seemed like after that I started to feel more. I was by no means the same, but I didn't have that same numbness and emptiness as before. Maybe it helped, and gave me that little extra push to move forward. Another huge part of it is that I had to fake it all the time, that I was OK, and that I had strength, because I was a teacher. No matter how dead inside, I had to pretend all day long. There was overlap between faking strength to go on and actually manifesting it from within. It was exhausting, but I had no other choice, I couldn't let the kids down. Somehow that translated into being able to continue moving on and having the ability to keep perspective of the bad times and where they fit into the big picture. I don't fully understand or I would describe it better. I guess it showed me that my limits were further than I knew and that I was more resilient than I gave myself credit for. I can only liken it to the placebo effect. The kids helped a lot, too. I had the opportunity to be a mentor in different capacities over the years and helping other people helped me a lot. It showed me I had something to offer others because I had value.

Here is what came out of everything, though: I had to really take a step back and look at my habits and routines and see where I was keeping myself down, I had to cut out any people who served to be a negative influence or codependent person in my life, I quit my job, which is still affecting me today, but not pretending to be OK every day is also part of my healing. I had to change my environment, and move thousands of miles to where I had family. I had to come to terms with my mistakes in my past, the reality of my low self-esteem and low self-worth. I had to redefine what a friend is and set the bar for my trust much higher than I did before. Doing that reminded me that I had value and that I shouldn't accept anything less. I've had to reaffirm that I am strong or I would not have made it this long, and I've had to recognize when I'm in the middle of a cloud and I can't see things clearly, but I will if I weather it.

Basically, I had no access to therapy. So really I kind of did a lot of it on my own, self-awareness, reevaluation of my decision-making skills, and all the while being medicated for major depression and anxiety. Although I didn't fit into a box called bipolar, the mood stabilizers they prescribe for it did seem to help.

I don't know the details of your pain and your trauma, and I hate to be that guy that says it, but when I look back on the last five years of my life, I think the only reason I've made as much progress as I have is because I changed the way I saw myself. Not everyone can change where they live and their job and their friends and their habits. I absolutely had to if I was going to survive. But before I did that I change the way I saw myself. I did the whole affirmation thing; I am strong and I can make it through anything, and I said it until I believed it. I think if I didn't take a step back, because the medications were not enough, I never would have accepted that I had to go home. I had to quit my job. I had to leave. I had to overhaul the entire system from the ground up. I didn't see a way to make it better if I didn't scrap my completely unsuccessful attempt at having a life.

I am by no means at 100% today. In fact, what's left over is the trauma of the past. I don't know if this has been helpful, but you do have value, and your loved ones and the people around you can remind you of that if you let them in. Think about the things that you like about yourself, or your skills and strengths, and remind yourself that you deserve happiness. Look at how you spend your time and what goes through your head and if it's helping you or if that's holding you back. I've learned how to interrupt spiraling miserable thoughts because it was a big problem that would trigger depressive episodes.

I hope this helps you in a little. Please feel free to ask questions if you want, and let me know if there's anything to expand on that would help.
 
Thanks guys you give me lots to think about thanks for support.
I hope things get better soon I can't live like this much more.
 
If you've had trauma and were dealing with it and then-suddenly weren't-the nightmare may have simply been the last straw.

I "managed" my PTSD for seven years and then suddenly-didn't. It all came crashing down after a dear friend was diagnosed with cancer. It wasn't his diagnosis that caused it, it was just the last straw heaped on the pile of stuff I was already struggling with.

I wouldn't say your nightmare "caused" what's going on, your trauma likely did and the nightmare was your gate to the world of miserable. Just that switch that let it all loose to run havoc.

Try to get in to therapy for your trauma, it may help, and see about maybe getting a psychiatric assessment if you can. Nightmares/Night Terrors are a common side effect of PTSD and there is treatment for it.

I recently had a string of them crop up unprovoked the end of last year, and have received treatment for them (I was already receiving it for my PTSD) and it has helped enormously. Waking up terrified can certainly take it's toll on you if it's repeated, but since you haven't mentioned it repeating, I'm more likely to think you just had your PTSD kick into high gear suddenly.

Unfortunately that *does* happen.

Hoping you can get some help soon.
 
If you've had trauma and were dealing with it and then-suddenly weren't-the nightmare may have simply bee...
Thanks for the post J'gel
The straw that broke the camels back. Isn't that the statement of the day.
I have managed to carry on in life so far with a few break downs. The recover time was years for the first break down. I am still trying to recover from the last one 7 months and counting. In between some how i managed. That straw comes and knocks you to the ground in a millie second. I know both of those straws very well now. Still have not been able to reconcile with them. I'm not sure how they even mater as they are on that pile . Waking up terrified does take a big toll on you as you stop sleeping to stop what ever is going on there.
Peace be safe
 
I had my night terrors for nights in a row, I understand the "terrified to go back to sleep". Thankfully it's gotten better, with a psychiatrist and my GP running interference and putting their heads together. I have some tests for other stuff that might be related still coming up, but just having an end to them makes a huge difference (they put me on 2mgs prazosin and 100mgs seroquel-though I dialed that back to 50 since I was pretty much dragging through my day-not my first time on it).

Those straws are sneaky like that. Some of them can seem pretty darned innocent-it could be arguing about what shoes to wear to an event (dammit the older ones are comfy), or who's supposed to do the dishes, or it can be bigger stuff. Doesn't matter. It's just that last shove that pushes you from functioning to not. And once you're near your limit, even avoiding the straw doesn't help, because another will come along. It's like it picks up speed and weight-like an avalanche you can only outrun for so long. Eventually it *will* catch you and bury you.

The only "solution" at that point is finding people who can stand by with shovels. :P
 
I had my night terrors for nights in a row, I understand the "terrified to go back to sleep". Thankfully...
It was what happened when I woke up almost like a stroke and sleep apnea might have caused me to stop breathing. It's been downhill since that night. I went to hospital right away. For a few weeks I was doing ok most of it I don't remember. It's the last time I know I felt anything.
I'm on prazosin 2 mg to help with nightmares but once you wake up more than once it's useless.


Quetiapine 200
Effexor 75
Mirtazapine 30
Prazosin 2
Some nights my ears ring and head gets dizzy some nights I can hardly walk without falling into something. Or I have to eat just cuz my brain can't find anything to relax or enjoy.
Quetiapine made me gain a lot of weight. My heart beats uncontrollable and jumps and flutters and sometimes I gasp for air.
Not feeling tired properly or feeling of falling asleep is gone. It's like I'm awake all the time. Noises all bother me. I find it very hard to sit or talk or do anything fun and enjoy it. It's like only being eyes and ears with no control over my mind or body.
After being treated crazy and lazy or untreated I'm begging for help and not getting fair except being told go back to hospital. Can u imagine being in one like this with others that are freaking out and not be able to deal with it. Treated like crap cuz it's too much to deal with.
I'm not happy and I don't want this going on for 2 years.
 
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