You’re so right!! My intent of asking specifically involving PTSD is because I’ve never experienced it….. until I did. Personally as a sufferer and as a supporter…. not really knowing until it was too far gone. It’s hard to distinguish where it all went wrong because we were both impacted by the other and our own issues. Paradise and Hell……Most relationships fail, full stop. Or nearly everyone would be married to the first person they ever dated.
Instead? Most people date at least a few people, and many date dozens, scores, or even hundreds of people over their lifetimes. Of those who DO “succeed” in getting married & attempting to build a life together? HALF end in divorce.
There are watershed points
- Most “relationships” never get out the gate. Within only a few dates it’s clear to one or both that they don’t want to keep dating, even casually, much less enter into a committed relationship with someone. Whether it’s a ‘cheque please!’ bad few dates, or a delightful little fling.
- Most relationships that do make it out the gate? Fail right around the 6mo mark. Honeymoon has worn off, people stop being on their best behavior, and real life starts to intrude.
- Most relationships that make it past 6mo? Fail right around the 2 year mark. Survived the honeymoon. Survived the intro to real life. But 2 years is just about the amount of time it seems to take the majority of the human species to get a fairly decent idea about any other member of the human species, and/or come to a decision.
So there ^^^ are most relationships. Failing. 3 times over. For every possible reason in the book. Flings, 6mo, & 2years = How much time it takes most people to realize the relationship isn’t going to work long term, or isn’t what they want, long term.
Not as much of a watershed, it’s not even half much less most, but there are still significant percentages dropping off at the following waypoints.
- At 3 years the “falling in love” chemicals burn out. If there isn’t anything more substantial to the relationship than chemical romance -OR- someone has a core belief about being IN love at all times? Byes.
- The 7 Year Itch is notorious trade-in time. A newer model, a wealthier model, a fitter model, a funnier model, a better parent model, a more ambitious model, etc. Some people are serial about this, but a lot of people have just spent the better part of a decade learning that the life they wanted to have, just isn’t going to happen. Not with this person.
So I would expect that most PTSD relationships fail for the exact same reasons the vast majority of all relationships fail; The 2 people, or their lives, just don’t work well together.
Oh @Friday , that's funny, I don't think I ever even thought of something even remotely as a 'relationship' before at least 2 years lol. Never was good judging time.
@DentedCan 2.0 , I only came back to ask, what data is there to presume ptsd- relationships most often fail? My parents stayed together, as did my dad's father and mother.
Maybe it has to do also with your attachment style? Also, if you are a sufferer, maybe you need more self-care (for yourself)?
I am old now, it's more a hassle for me, but the only 1 or 2 regrets I have still came back to who were (I believe) good men. You know your issues together, how you argued, if he went for the low ball, if he was critical, demeaning, abusive, stone-walling, or not responsible. Or if he was honest. Idk how long it was, maybe the honeymoon stage, like others have said? Even losing interest, apparently that is due to who loses it (and that is pretty easy to do with overwhelm and stressors), not the other person. There should be some equality, and you can date so, so many people if you want.
Sorry it didn't work out, but maybe in the process you can learn what makes you tick and what you
Yes…. just recently.Have you been diagnosed?